Baby is in a Frank breech position. Dr. Telemed was all set to schedule a c-section but when I started to sob said we’ll plan a ECV at 37 weeks 2 days. I asked what else I can do on my own before than and he said that there is all kinds of “stuff” on the internet, “But does it really work? No.” I asked about vaginal delivery of a breech baby and he gave me a run around and ended up with the “there are grave risks” song and dance.
I left in tears and have been hiding upstairs ever since (my mother-in-law is visiting and I know she’ll be full of well-meaning advice that only makes me increasingly more angry). I feel so helpless and grossly under-informed I looked at spinningbabies.com but a lot of the stuff there says that things should be done before 34 weeks. I’m 34 weeks. I also need some in person guidance – not a You Tube video. I expected to get this from my practitioner. Again, I was wrong.
I know for many people a c-section is not a big deal, but it is a very big deal for me. I have a lot of other issues and my body has been through a lot of shit. While I adore Dr. Shannon, she would not be doing my c-section and I don’t have any faith what so ever in other doctors at the hospital where we have selected. C-sections come with a slew of other complications, too. I won’t get into them here because we’ve all heard the natural childbirth song and dance. Whether it is your cup of tea or not, there is no hiding from all the risks to mother and baby from a c-section.
Then there is the recovery period for a c-section. Hacked open or not, we are moving and I’m going to be in a new city, alone with a new baby with no baby experience. I will not have the assistance people who have had c-sections receive.
The icing on the cake, is that there are a few select individuals out there who have been vocal in their doubting my ability to have a baby and have a vaginal birth. They have been condescending and harsh. They have reminded me weekly to be prepared for things to fail. I can’t stomach the responses I know I’ll get from them.
Lisa! Lady, based on your comment, you truly deserve this cycle after a 2-3 month-long bleed post BFN. I hope this cup brings you amazing luck, or at least some added comfort during your cycle. I’ll be emailing you in a few to get your address and will pop this in the mail later this week. xoxo
*****
Our shower on Saturday was AMAZING. My friend K organized and through the entire thing, going WAY above and beyond the call of duty. She also made the above bad ass Chicken cake pops! And a slew of other decorations, favors, party games and delicious food. Her party planning abilities never cease to amaze me! There are a few more photos on my mother-in-law’s memory card I’ll snag tonight and share with you. Unfortunately we did not get a lot of pictures because my memory card was at the office and her camera died after about 15 minutes!
Quite a few of the Professor’s colleagues came to this shower. I have not met these folks after spending the last year in the throes of treatment or feeling to insecure about this pregnancy to venture out of my circle of friends. New friends would want to talk to me like a normal fertile and I just could not handle the risk. I now regret that decision deeply. The Professor has been open with his coworkers about our struggle. Several have been a huge support to HIM when he is uncertain or scared. Every single one of them were so warm, so kind and, quite frankly, incredibly fun that I felt intensely guilty for not having met them sooner. I’m so glad my husband has had his own support system for the days upon days when I was being a terrible support to him.
Along the same lines, K had announced her second pregnancy shortly after my miscarriage. I was a shitty ass friend to her for the first 6 months of her healthy pregnancy because I just could not stand to be near a happy, full uterus. My other friend, M, drove her four-month old and husband 6+ hours to join our celebration. She got her positive pregnancy test around my first positive. I lost my baby, she did not. I was also a tremendously shitty friend to her for months and months after my loss. My other very old friend KB drove 8+ hours with her husband to join in our celebration. When she turned down a beer Friday night I was suspicious but kept my mouth shut. Saturday afternoon I offered her lemonade “since it appears she was not drinking” *wink wink.* She smiled coyly and so kindly said that she was waiting until after our celebration to chat with me about things. I was so moved by her kindness to wait to tell me, even though I disappeared from her life for months after my loss, too. (In addition, I’m absolutely bursting at the seams that she is a PCOS success story – a natural conception after working her tail off to lose weight and get into excellent health. I’m so stinking excited for her!)
I have not been a great friend to these ladies. I was pathetic support to two of them when they were pregnant, a time that even the most fertile woman needs support of her girlfriends. The fact that months later they all went out of their way to come to our shower to support the Professor and I has made me cry more than a handful of times (and is making me cry again as I write this).
I had written a toast to K, M and KB that I intended to give at the shower after we opened gifts, but I kept having to choke back tears and was never able to get the words out. In the event they are reading now – I love you guys so much and despite my ability to write 3,000 words about constipation, am finding it very, very hard to conjure up a few sentences to express my gratitude. I’ll keep working on it and mail it to you soon. xoxo
*****
Today at 3 p.m. is our scan with Dr. TeleMed. This morning’s checkup with Dr. Shannon did not go as well as I had hoped. She suspects Chicken is now breech and seemed concerned that his/her movements are not very defined and I’m unable to tell what is a kick or a punch. I’m extremely anxious now and having anxiety shits, something I thought I’d left behind at the end of the first trimester. Guess not. At least I”ll have a clean colon for the ultrasound. (Am I the only person who worries that the ultrasound tech is looking at my colon and noting that I’m loaded to the brim with shit?) I’ll give you all a quick update after the scan and more details, if necessary, tomorrow.
It’s a leftover kind of day!
Diva Cup Giveaway
Don’t forget to leave a comment if you want a shot at getting the potentially lucky Diva Cup! They are supposed to be a menstruation life saver, which honestly, when you dread your period like us IFers do can really help improve upon an already shitty week! Vanessa over at Yeah Science left her product endorsement: “I don’t need one myself, but to any other commenters reading, THIS THING IS AWESOME AND WILL CHANGE YOUR LIFE! Totally takes away the dependence on tampons and gross pads and leaves zero waste and never overflows.”
Lexington Shower
Invitation proof. Yes, I designed my own shower invitation. No, I don’t feel lame about that – it was cheaper than buying them and I was able to use up some of my card stock and lined envelopes!
I’m excited about Beer, Bratwurst & Babies this weekend! It will be so much fun to see old friends from out of town, and to see in town friends who we’ll be very sad to move away from in a few months. Our fridge is stocked with food fixin’s right now and tonight Katie and I will start cooking. Yes, I’m helping out with my own shower and no, I’m not going to feel weird about that. I’m a modern woman! (And I’m sort of a design and culinary control freak so it only makes sense!)
Our little house is as tidy as is possible given the current state of disarray with the impending move. This morning the Professor is in charge of litter boxes, basement moping and dealing with the clogged dehumidifier I had no idea what a big difference this growling appliance makes in the moisture and general stankiness of our basement until it clogged a week ago. Since then, the smell has been gradually increasing in urgency. I sure hope things are de-stunk before guests start arriving tonight!
Growth Scan
Monday is our next growth scan with Dr. TeleMed and another checkup with Dr. Shannon. I’m working hard on staying positive that everything with Chicken will be a-ok. I’m a little nervous since EVERYONE is constantly telling me how small I am when I say I’m 34 weeks and giving my belly this intense, scrutinizing stare. I try to remember that we all carry our babies differently and that I could just be growing a small baby. The Professor also assures me that he sees belly growth daily and that this is what really matters – steady, consistent growth.
We’ll find out more on Monday and get a better feel on if they will have to take Chicken out early due to the placenta. As eager as I am to stop peeing my pants, I would really prefer to cook Chicken till at least 38 weeks.
New Home
Progress continues on the new home front. The lawyers sent our contract on Wednesday and we’ll review it this weekend when I have a second to catch my breath. Since this is so new to us, and we are young and really not wanting to ruin ourselves forever with a botched real estate deal, we are shelling out a couple hundred extra and having our lawyer travel to Riverdale and meet with the co-op board in person to review their meeting minutes. He will then come back to us and give an honest assessment of how he views the health of the co-op. As much as I LOVE the place, I won’t buy into it without being as sure as possible that it is a sound investment. Fingers crossed everything comes back clear and we can proceed with the board application and approval process!
Operation S.O.S.
Yeah, this is still going on, although not as quickly as I had hoped. Our original garage sale was rained out so we have rescheduled for next Saturday. I hope that between now and then the Professor can dig through some more stuff. Now that he has seen the size of the new place and the lack of storage hopefully he can be a little more realistic about what we can and can’t bring. For example the Shop Vac – nice as they are, it is not being stored under my dining room table! 
Cats
I have not written about the cat circus in a while, and for good reason – we are faced with some extremely difficult decisions right now and it is giving us a lot of heartache and tears. I’m not ready to write about it yet, but did want to ask for good thoughts and prayers as we move forward.
Random Food Thoughts
I have been craving cake for days, people. Days upon days of cake craving. Like real cake with three layers and icing and overly sweet icing flowers. Sadly, there is no fancy cake in my dairy-free future. I might have to make some post-birthing cake arrangements or something!
What’s new in y’alls world? Any exciting weekend plans?
