Skip to content

The State of My Boobs



My sweet Bean having warm milk before her party got started.

My sweet Bean having warm milk before her party got started.

I really appreciate all the breast-feeding input you shared a few weeks back. I have mulled over it and slowly come to my own decision. Not societies decision. Not my parents decision. Not my friends’ decision.

I will continue nursing Sabine. Right now we are going through a period of extreme pickiness. She had been such and adventurous eater and was doing GREAT and then something changed and she went on a hunger strike. Currently she is eating very little solid food and instead has upped her day-time nursing. When she does eat she wants it to be noodles or bread. No eggs. No veggie burgers. No broccoli. None of her regular favorites will do.

It is insanely frustrating because Sabine is small. Like really small. Like everyone who meets her thinks she is 6 months old. At 12 months Sabine weighs 16 pounds and is 26.5 inches long. I just looked at a growth chart and I guess my doctor is still looking at a breast-fed baby chart because according to the CDC she is way off the charts in weight and only at 3% for height.

I guess this leads into a major concern I have – is something wrong with my kid? All her friends are passing her up left and right in size and milestones and here is my 12 month old – crawling around like a baby, looking like a baby, being mistaken for a baby. Our doctor is very hands-off and says Sabine is just fine but now I’m starting to worry. Is she just fine? Add in the recent hunger strike and I just don’t know what to think.

She will not drink cows milk. She refuses all puree. No smoothies. No yogurt. I would give her formula but she won’t take it. So I’m sticking with nursing. Right now these little milk makers are the only thing keeping her going and I just can’t take them away. In time, when she catches up in size a bit and is less of a picky eater/drinker I will start weaning her down to only nursing at home but for right now and the immediate future we are sticking with it.

Any of you lovely ladies have experience with a really tiny toddler? Any ideas on how to get her back to her solid foods? Tonight we had dinner in front of Baby Einstein, which is something I am avidly against and she ate a little more (3/4 of a veggie burger). Other than watching TV during meals I am out of ideas, though. I’d welcome some new tips and/or enticing toddler recipes!

Sabine’s Party



I am so behind here! Last Saturday we had Sabine’s little birthday party with friends at a neighborhood park. She had a grand time being the center of attention!

The theme was “Hippos Go Berserk” from the Sandra Boynton book and flags to match Sabine’s party dress.


For the cake I ordered a Parve cake from Mother’s Bakery and had them match the purple frosting to the purple in her dress and the decorations. I topped it with one purple candle, a tiny little bunting I made and some hippos I drew, printed and cut out.


Since her party was from 10:30 to noon (we ended up parting it up until 1:30 though!), I selected some breakfast foods to offset the enormous cake bomb we all ate at the end. We had fresh fruit (sadly I did not get a photo of it uncovered!), Deviled Eggs with tomato and KY bourbon smoked paprika, NY bagels with cream cheese, shaved English cucumbers and chives and Sabine’s breakfast muffins – a sugar-free, savory muffin that she eats daily, sans breast milk for our guests!


Sabine shows us what a great muffin eater she is.


Since I was taking the photos of our party I missed quite a few of the pretty home-made details that made it so special. I made a bunch of flag garland that matched Sabine’s dress that we hung in the trees. You can see a snippet of them in the above photo. I also made a sweet little garland that said “Sabine Is 1!” that we hung on the picnic table.


I made Sabine an adorable little hippo party hat that she refused to wear. Instead I held it over her head for some photos.


I also made a bunch of chalk board party hats and had a little craft station where our guests could decorate a hat.


And of course, no 1st birthday party of the 1st grandchild is complete without grandma trying to upstage (and out-craft) the new mother. My mom made 10 amazing little hippo hand puppets for us to give out in our favor bags. They were a HUGE hit with the kiddos.

_DSC0711 _DSC0718 _DSC0720

Sabine thought being sang to was insanely exciting. She also had a lot of fun attacking one of the hippos from the cake. We blew out her candle and made a special wish (no it was not for a sibling) and then all ate cake… except for Sabine. She was not into cake this time around but instead spent the time hamming it up like made for her guests.


I had so much fun preparing for this little party. My mom used to throw the most elaborate parties for us when we were kids and it makes me happy that the torch has not been passed … even though she still tried to show me up! I kid, I KID!

A Place of Peace




July 5 _ 2

Today the first friend I made in NYC announced that she is pregnant again. As I read her text I waited for the lump in my throat to rise. It did not. I paused as I texted back “Congratulations!!” and waited for any tears. I reread the text message thread an hour later and felt… nothing but happy. 

No lump. No tears. No anger or jealousy. No regret. No sadness. 

Was I numb? Nope. Just happy for my friend. She has a little boy about Sabine’s age. I’m genuinely excited that her kiddos will be so close in age. I think this fosters a really special bond in siblings and I can’t wait to watch them grow up together. 

It’s two hours later and I’m still ok with everything. I’m still happy and not at all sad. 

One of my oldest friends visited a few weeks ago. While she was here the topic of No. 2 came up, as it so often does, and I told her that I felt I was coming to a place of peace. I explained that my little family of three actually feels complete. I am sad Sabine won’t have the sibling bond that I have, but that is OK. We have friends, family and community that she can grow and bond with. She is happy, well adjusted and darn adorable. I think she will thrive in this big city as she grows up as an only child. 

This was the first time I have verbalized these feelings to anyone other than my cat (yes, I still discuss deep thoughts with Yum Yum. No, I do not need more Prozac!) It was the first time the words came out to someone I am close to and I immediately expected to feel regret. I didn’t. Instead I looked at the beautiful baby I have and felt happy. Plain and simple. 

A box of Pregnitude has arrived at my house. I tore into with with wild abandon, eager to get started. Had I changed my mind? Nope. I want to have a period to be healthy. I want to KNOW when my period is coming and not have to march through life always with a tampon and change of undies in my purse because I NEVER know when it will strike. I diligently swallow my Pregnitude twice daily with no expectations or intentions of becoming pregnant. If my cycle does return I will talk to a doctor about my non-hormone contraceptive options. 

I am, at last, at peace and my goodness it is a sweet, sweet place to be. 


Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 324 other followers