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March Photo Challenge: Day 13

03/14/2012

Belle

Prompt: Glow

About this photo: This is my toaster, also known as “The Burninator” or “The Crapinator” depending on the day.

Background: I love toast. Before IVF, hormones, bloat and weight gain, I ate toast once or twice a day. Once in the morning with my smoothie or oatmeal and again in the evening with my dinner. I love toast with unusual toppings such as:

  • Toast topped with baked beans (homemade are better than canned)
  • Toast topped with vegan cream cheese and shredded veggies
  • Toast topped with olive spread and tomatoes
  • Toast topped with a bit of Earth Balance buttery spread and a generous smear of Fig Cocoa jam

Toast and I have a long history together. When all this infertility bull shit started, and my waist line began to expand rapidly, I decided that I needed to cut my toast consumption way down. Now-a-days I only have toast once, maybe twice, a week meaning I want utter perfection when I splurge. Perfectly browned on both sides so the seed goodness in my pricey flour-less, sprouted-wheat bread gets warm and flavorful but not burned. If eating my toast with dinner, it needs to be the right amount of dry so it can sop up the maximum soup from my bowl.

Until the kitchen remodel, I lived with a huge toaster oven. It was super slow, but made pretty decent toast if you were patient and flipped the bread several times. The new kitchen layout, however, did not provide enough counter space for the huge toaster oven so Mr. Husband and I set about looking for a new appliance that would fit our space and provide toast perfection. Pleased with our other Waring appliances, we purchased a shamefully expensive, four-slot, stainless steel beauty.

I wish I could say it was love at first toast, but it wasn’t. The first toast to come out of this groaning toast-monster was charred. “No worries! I’m sure this toaster has a learning curve,” I said.

We continued to wrestle with it for months, throwing away burned toast, swearing when if refused to create any more than stale bread and sighing when only one side toasted resulting in your peanut butter tearing holes in the bread.Being a proud woman, I continued to wage war with the toaster rather than admit that I had wasted a huge sum of money on what is really nothing more than a fiery box of toast hell.

This week the toaster ruined one too many slices and Mr. Husband finally spoke up. “This toaster sucks. I think it is time to try another.”

“I know! If people can send humans to the moon, surely they can create a toaster that, you know, toasts!” I said.

We spent the next three days obsessively researching toasters. After reading piles of reviews I came to the conclusion that all modern-day toasters are crap. The only good reviews I read were about  toasters someone had received as a wedding gift 40 years ago.

In the end, Mr. Husband and I agreed to order a new $20 toaster that got decent reviews. If this toaster fails to perform, we will return it and then begin visiting Estate Sales with a bag of bread in tow. Whenever we see an old toaster we’ll test it in hopes of finding the Holy Grail of Toasters.
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8 Comments

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  1. March 14, 2012

    This is hysterical! I also am rather picky about my toast. I don’t make it very much because I can never go through a loaf of bread quickly enough so I just feel bad and don’t buy bread. But I also have a toaster oven….4 slice….not as good as the 6 slice I had growing up but it does the job. I also hate traditional slotted toasters…you can’t see what’s happening! Cool pic though :) I hope your toaster gets its act together if it knows what’s good for it….

  2. EmHart #
    March 14, 2012

    Over in the UK beans on toast is quite a staple. I think you just inspired me to have that for my lunch. No time or ingredients for homemade but hey ho. I like it with a dash of Worcestershire sauce and a sprinkling of cheddar cheese on top. And I like my beans well cooked. Yum, I’m getting hungry just thinking about it. Lunch time I think.

  3. March 14, 2012

    You are so right, we have lost the technology to make proper toasters. Our toaster oven can’t even make good toast, but I bake everything else in it. I hope you find success!

  4. Jen #
    March 14, 2012

    Your toaster photographs well, even if it is crap at making toast. :)

  5. March 14, 2012

    I love your sense of humor and quirkiness! What you put on toast sounds like our potato adventures! We don’t use our toaster (it consumes too much energy). I ‘toast’ in a skillet, spray a little Pam and WALA!

  6. March 15, 2012

    This photo is fabulous, and I hear you on the toast front! You have ONE job, toaster, ONE job!

    I married into a Dualit. This is the single greatest toaster I have ever known. I highly recommend them!

  7. March 16, 2012

    LOL awesome photo! I never had a toaster oven till I got married. I will never go back to a regular toaster again!

  8. March 17, 2012

    I love scrambled eggs on toast!!

    Was having a giggle now, but true true I love scramble eggs and tomato on toast with lots of salt. Last night was the first time I could make joke about my NO EGG situation so I guess I am making progress.

    Love your photo!

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