Mr. Husband left again this morning – this time for the three weeks. This will be the longest we have been apart since we were dating. This time, though, I’m left to tend his three stinky cats. Currently one is in my lap, shedding on my navy blue t-shirt and looking annoyed that I am typing and not petting her.
The next three weeks are going to be HARD. I am still so uncertain about this pregnancy. The only consistent symptom I have had is exhaustion and waking up at 2:30 a.m. just to toss and turn until my alarm goes off at 4:30.
I guess I have also had extreme bitchiness. Like PMS times 12. It’s intense and a bit frightening. I’m sure Mr. Husband is glad to have a three-week reprieve from the insanity that is a maybe-pregnant woman all hopped up on hormones.
I still take a HPT every morning. I forgot to use my FMU today so I used my second and, while the line was still plenty dark, it was a smidgen lighter than yesterday. I know tests can vary and that the strength of pee can vary but…. it still worries me.
8 more sleeps till the ultrasound. My parents are coming up for it in the event there is bad news. I’m both happy about this and dreading it. My mom never lost a baby and she didn’t have any problems having my brother and I. Because of this she has no idea how to respond when I’m freaked out/upset.
When I lament or cry about infertility she always says, “Well, kid, this is just unfortunate.” And those words infuriate me. Unfortunate is burning your pancake. Unfortunate is when aphids eat your cabbage. Unfortunate is when you and your BFF have a silly falling out over whether or not adult women should wear flowered skinny jeans (I vote no, she votes yes… discuss?). Unfortunate does not begin to explain the pain that infertility brings. The anguish and hatred we feel is so much more than just unfortunate.
I could sit here and wallow in how sad and lonely I am to be stuck in Kentucky, sans husband and with a slightly fainter HPT, or I could go wash my extremely dirty hair and go to yoga. Maybe today I can keep my shit together long enough to make it through the entire practice.
This afternoon my girlfriend and I are going to a Peony Garden Tour at the Henry Clay Estate. I am looking forward to this, and seeing all the pretty flowers. Peonies are some of my favorites. Maybe I’ll get some photos for the next Picture Picture. You all might dig something other than cats or water fowl :)