I left work at 3 after my meeting and called Mr. Husband. He was furious that Dr. A would not work me in and promptly called the clinic. Within five minutes they called offering to see me immediately. Dr. A was patient and kind, which was much appreciated as I was a wreck. Pip was still there and was measuring 6 weeks 2 days. Yesterday he was 5 weeks 6 days. Dr. A explained that ultrasounds will vary like this. What made him happy was that Pip’s heart beat was a little faster than yesterday’s, just like it should have been. He didn’t see anything wonky that could have caused all the pain and bleeding. I was able to see the heartbeat today.
The pain was something I have not felt in a LONG time – this deep internal pain that took my breath away. It was low and far back and, initially, I thought it was my anal fissure opening up again. Yes, I’m 31 and have a history of anal fissures, no I don’t enjoy butt sex, I’m just lucky. This morning I had a big glob of yellowish mucus with brown specks in it. I have seen things like this come from both my vagina and my bum before. Based on the low, deep pains, I assumed it was bum related.
But then around 10 a.m. I had a red spot that came from my lady parts, not my rump. I continued to monitor the TP, wiping pre pee and post, one wipe in front, one in back, and monitoring what came from where. THis afternoon I went and pre wiped, nothing, then urinated and found blood in the toilet. When I wiped it was in the front and back. I put a new liner in my panties and waited, checked and the blood was 100% front.
Do you see how complicated this is? The only thing worse than infertility is infertility with a history of rectal bleeding. I’m such a delightful woman.
So after confirming the red blood was from the front I melted down and had ugly cry #1. Went to my staff meeting and kept my eyes down till it was over. As I was leaving my boss asked what was wrong and I lost it again. Ugly Cry #2. Headed to get my stuff and was stopped by a concerned coworker – ugly cry #3. I went outside, called Mr. Husband – ugly cry #4.
Dr. A said that 70% of his patients spot, and when you spot you often have cramping. No one understands why IVF pregnancies spot so much more than regular pregnancies. He said if my body is trying to miscarry there is nothing we can do, which I knew. He said to rest this week, don’t lift anything more than 10 pounds (sorry Yum Yum kitty, you are a 12 pounder) and no sex, which is not a problem because my husband is out-of-town… still.
I feel better having seen Pip. I am still scared and will continue to monitor the TP and take it easy. If the big, bad, ass pains continue then I will call Dr. Small Hands, my proctologist who, thankfully, has small hands – a trait I have learned is critical when it comes to butt doctors. I wonder if having a fissure or internal hemorrhoid could put pressure and/or strain and cause bleeding/sporting from both areas? It’s a long stretch, but blaming it on my butt problems makes me feel better.
I am home now, hanging out with Small Fry. I ate an entire chocolate bar, which is sooooo bad for me but I really needed the cheer-up. I’m going to make flatbread pizza for dinner with vegan cheese, fancy olives and artichokes and then I’m going to go to bed early and hope that tomorrow brings better things and no more bleeding and pain.
Thank you for all your prayers and good thoughts. This is an amazing community that makes even the husband-less girl stuck in the middle of Kentucky feel less alone. xoxo
I’ll leave you with this video of Small Fry. I so wish I could keep him, but all my Large Fries object.