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Posts by Belle

Justifying

05/26/2015

Belle

Sabine at the Bob Dylan Festival I drug my weary family to on Monday. It was super fun, and super hot, and rather tiring, but we did it.

Sabine at the Bob Dylan Festival I drug my weary family to on Monday. It was super fun, and super hot, and rather tiring, but we did it.

Many of my friends are on their second, third or fourth (!!!) pregnancies. I am overjoyed for them and go to bed at night feeling peace that we have made the right choice in our family of three.

When people ask why we will not have more children, I have started to say that we like  our small family and all the opportunities it affords us. We can take fantastic trips, live wherever the Professor finds a job, and help our child with college or whatever she choses to pursue, etc. One child makes lots of sense for us. I have stopped mentioning my infertility and the fact that having more children is not really a choice we have been given.

And I am ok with this.

Sort of.

But lately, in this surge of pregnancy announcements and blooming bellies, I find myself pushing our days to the limit. I try to keep life as busy and adventurous as possible for Sabine because, you know, she is it. I want her to feel she has a full life. I want the Professor and I to feel we have a full life. I want to live up to that stock answer I give to the question “will you have more.”

While I am ok with this to a certain extent, I realize plowing along at this rate is unsustainable but it is so hard to slow down. I worry if I stop for too long the emotion of being “done” with bearing children will overwhelm and honestly, who wants that. Instead, Sabine and I are going to go play with play-doh and plan tomorrow’s adventures.

Sprinkler Fun & A Date Night

05/25/2015

Belle

This weekend a couple of very dear friends from Kentucky came to visit. It was so good to see them and so much fun touring around NYC. It was also very, very tiring! They left early yesterday morning and the Professor and I decided we were just too darn tired for a big hike. Instead, we went to a little park 15 minutes north of us for a nature walk. It was by far the most disappointing of the parks we’ve visited in NY. The only photo-worthy moment was this graffiti under a bridge, which I feel really sums up toddler days lately:

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After our lack-luster nature walk we went out for lunch in Tarrytown and then headed to walk on the Riverwalk. On the way we saw a playground and…. a Sprinkler Park! Sabine was SO EXCITED to see the sprinklers and even though we did not have a bathing suit or a change of clothing we let her play for a solid hour. She had a blast!

At first she was timid and needed me to show her that it was safe.

At first she was timid and needed me to show her that it was safe.

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It did not take long for her to warm up though!

It did not take long for her to warm up to the cold water though!

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Until the sprinklers surged and got her square between the eyes!

Until the sprinklers surged and got her square between the eyes!

While our friends were here we splurged and hired a babysitter so we could have an adult night out at Wave Hill Gardens and a dinner without having to see my boobs (still nursing). Wave Hill is my absolute favorite spot in the Bronx and I was thrilled to get to share it with them. The sunset was divine.

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I tried to capture the beauty of the moment with a selfie of the professor and I and instead got this. I think this sort of sums up our relationship these days!

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The Cutest Gains in the Northeast

05/15/2015

Belle

Gains! Sabine went right for the 1 lb weights at PT and started doing bicep work just like Mama does! It was adorable and I think we need some tiny weights at our house for her to use when I workout!

Gains! Sabine went right for the 1 lb weights at PT and started doing bicep work just like Mama does! It was adorable and I think we need some tiny weights at our house for her to use when I workout!

Sabine started physical therapy this week. She qualified for state-funded Early Intervention services back in January but due to a shortage of therapists in the Bronx they were having a hard time placing her. The geneticist urged us to get her into private therapy saying that this is honestly the one thing we can do to help Sabine. A quick call to our insurance revealed that even out-of-network providers are covered so why not go with private practice? This way we also receive therapy three times a week (Early Intervention would have only been once a week) and should have her up to speed come fall when she starts preschool.

Short on words but REALLY into Legos. These animal Legos are a big hit, too.

Short on words but REALLY into Legos. These animal Legos are a big hit, too.

In other news, Sabine is doing great with her speech therapy. She adores Ms. L and so do I. We received our progress report this week and I am pleased to report we have well over 30 single words and she is finally starting to repeat things we say. She is still very shy around peers and other folks and prefers to communicate with them via sounds and gestures, but this will come in time. I was a shy kid, too, Sabine and I came out perfectly articulate!

"One day this will all be mine!" Tiny kid thinks big. And looks damn fine in a blazer.

“One day this will all be mine!” Tiny kid thinks big. And looks damn fine in a blazer.

And finally, all of her non-genetic testing has come in. Sabine has a clean report from her gastroenterologist and has no signs of a malabsorption problem. We are awaiting a review of a food log from her dietician, but the GI really expects nothing to come from this. Sabine is a picky little eater but she does maintain a pretty healthy diet and her calorie intake is about on par with what it should be for someone her size. We met with a urologist following a UTI and an alarming ultrasound of her kidneys. She explained that Sabine’s kidney abnormality is so minor that it we should not worry. If we do suspect another UTI, though, we need to take her to Children’s Hospital to have a catheter placed  (something our Ped office does not do) so they can collect a clean urine sample. If more UTI’s occur we will investigate further, otherwise continue as we are and make sure she stays hydrated. And our trip to a kidney specialist to check for a rare condition that would have caused acid to build in her blood and stunt growth came back negative, too!

Pushing a Lovie in the swing.

Pushing a Lovie in the swing.

So far all is looking good and Sabine is turning out to just be a tiny person with big parents – which is ok in my book! One of my dear friends from home connected me with another mom who has gone through something very similar with her tiny kid. It was nice to hear that he is now three, caught up in gross motor and speech and is tiny and thriving.

These tender nursing moments help me through the not so tender this-toddler-keeps-biting-me-and-kicking-me moments!

These tender nursing moments help me through the not so tender this-toddler-keeps-biting-me-and-kicking-me moments!

I am continuing to work on being kind to myself and not blaming our actions for her delays. I have had countless specialists assure me this is not our fault, but it is still hard to not feel otherwise. I spent yesterday afternoon snuggled on the couch with her, letting my tiny kid nap in my arms and reflecting on how lucky we are to be parenting such an awesome kid. I want to focus on how lucky SHE is to have landed educated, loving parents who will move heaven and earth not just to bring her into this world, but to help her thrive.

And now I hear her starting to stir. Time for our morning milk and to get ready for a busy day – PT and then a special trip to the zoo! What are your plans for today and the weekend?

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