Yesterday was another amazing day in NYC. I know these warm fall days are few so rather than clean and bake Sabine and I headed out to take a mother-daughter hike at Rockefeller State Park Preserve. I am working my way through all the trails here this month. Yesterday we did the 13 Bridges trail and a few connectors. It was stunning!
I am sorry. So. So. So sorry.
I didn’t know. Really. I did not know.
Sabine is a VERY late teether. She cut her first tooth two weeks ago and it has been slowly and agonizingly descending. Other teeth are starting to make the journey into the world, too, turning my sweet child into a hot teething mess. She will be gleefully playing with her crayons and then suddenly turn into a shrieking, flailing, head pounding monster.
She is like a rabid beast – all drooling and crazed. She wakes at night crying and when I look at the monitor I see her with all ten fingers and lovie shoved in her mouth, trying desperately to quell the pain. We need to buy stock in Baby Motrin. I buy baby carrots in bulk (her favorite teether). Her lovie is reaching a new level of gross as it sops up the buckets of drool.
For the past 16 months I have listened to mamas past and present share woeful tales of teething doom and I thought, “Surely they exaggerate… It can’t be that bad… They are weak and dramatic… The human species would have evolved to make teething a more seamless process if it were really that bad.”
Turns out Mother Nature is a gigantic bitch. Not only does she bestow infertility on 1 in 8 of us, she also makes our precious miracle children teethe for like 800,674,369 days. In the most dramatic fashion.
I am sorry to you all. And now I am going to go eat another brimming bowl of words and mop up some drool. xoxo
… is still harassing me. I know it is hanging out at the bottom of the bathroom trash can, wrapped in TP and shoved in an empty TP roll (my signature move for hiding pee stick evidence).
I am feeling really uncertain about our life as three this week. Maybe it is because of the job hunt (it seems it is way harder to get back into marketing after taking time off to raise a family so why not go all out and have more babies?). Or maybe it is my friend’s growing belly and her adorable pokey outey preggo belly button. Or maybe it is that storage bill from our RE in Ohio for our one remaining frozen embryo. Or maybe it is because one of the Professor’s coworkers is coming to collect all of Sabine’s tiny baby gear in a few weeks. Or maybe it is because EVERY TIME we are at the Spuyten Duyvil Library Sabine picks up the book about becoming a big sister and drags it all over – an act that I know is meaningless but that still feels like a knife in the heart each time. Or maybe it is because I turned 34 a few weeks ago and am now even closer to that dreaded 35 marker.
I don’t want another baby right now. Hardly. My life is plenty complicated at the moment and I have no desire to add to that complication. What I do want is the choice to have another if/when we are ready. I want to be a fertile girl and have the luxury to say “I want a baby” and BAM be pregnant in six months. But I don’t. I hope this sad grey cloud passes soon. It’s really cramping my style.