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I’m Jumping

08/04/2011

Belle

From Dead Like Me, season 1, episode 5
Betty just jumped off a cliff to her death, but is not yet aware she has died.
Rube: Where you headed?
Betty: Oh, I’m going again. That was a hoot.
Rube: You like falling, do ya?
Betty: Well, it’s not the fallin’, it’s the jumpin’.
Rube: I’d feel a whole lot better about the jumpin’ if it weren’t for the fallin’.
Betty: Fallin’s easy, you just fall. Jumping involves strength of will.
We watched this last night, as my mind mulled over the choices I had to make by this morning.
It seems my dream, the one where I had four follicles was pretty darn accurate. I have four to five ripe and ready to go follicles. I also have more small swollen follicles than the doctor could count. I’m already starting to hyperstimulate.
Dr. Hope outlined the risks if we move forward.
1.   Risk of high-order multiples (HOM). Five follicles COULD mean five eggs which COULD mean five babies. Although this is very unlikely, it is possible and I need to be aware of the risk. Dr. Hope said, “Based on how this looks, you do have a pretty good chance of getting pregnant.”
2.    High risk of ovarian hyper stimulation syndrome (OHSS). This is what scares the hell out of me. While OHSS is usually mild or moderate, requiring bed rest and careful monitoring, it can be extremely serious and land you in the hospital. I have had my fill of emergency rooms with the autoimmune scares. I’m also a bit of a hypochondriac.
Mr. Husband and I left the office with our heads clouded by “what ifs.” We decided going home to a messy kitchen and eating left over pasta was not an option so we went out. Over dinner we did some research and discussed. By the end of our meal I was ready. All systems clear! Let’s launch these follicles!
Two hours later I erupted into tears midway through episode 6 of Dead Like Me.
“I can’t do it,” I sobbed. “I feel terrible already. I’m so scared of hyperstimulating,” wipes snot and tears away just to sob more snot and tears into my already snotty and teary hands.
We talked some more and eventually, exhausted from stress, tears and hormones I fell asleep. This morning I still did not know what to do. I was falling down the “what if” spiral that NEVER accomplishes anything.
“Fallin’s easy, you just fall. Jumping involves strength of will.”
If I have anything it is strength of will. Once I set my mind to something I can accomplish monumental things – in both work and personal life. There is no reason I can’t apply this same will to our TTC journey.
At 8:30 this morning I called Dr. Hope’s office. “We are going to do it,” I said. The nurse sounded pleased and said she would speak with Dr. Hope and call me back with instructions. After work today I will go to my regular Wednesday acupuncture appointment. At 6:00 tonight I will give myself the trigger injection and start Motrin and Fiber-Con every 8 hours to help reduce risk of OHSS. Then, at 1 p.m. tomorrow afternoon, I will undergo my IUI.
I’m jumping. And I’m excited about where I will land.
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One Comment

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  1. Amy #
    August 6, 2011

    Best wishes, Sarah!

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