I love Gonal-F. I feel so amazing when I’m on it. I’m full of energy, super cheerful and don’t cry. I would rate right up there with Valium, which I also adore.
Last night was my first shot and, while I still feel ill when I smell the alochol pads, I’m ok with it. I’m going to give this cycle a good “college try,” while not beating myself up over every little thing I might do wrong. During the last cycle I was SO CAREFUL with everything. I would not scoop the cat boxes, exercise, eat anything that was not organic and obsessively washed,would not scrub the floor, etc. etc. etc. I was so terrified of distrubing the eggs and affecting implantation that I drove myself, and my husband, crazy.
And I still got a BFN.
This cycle, I’m going to try and live life normally. Sure, after my IUI I will relax for the evening. Sure I won’t down two glasses of wine with dinner and I don’t think this is the time for me to start running or playing football. That said, if I want half a glass of wine this weekend, I’m going to have it. If I want a brisk walk, I will take it.
Today I woke up early and cleaned the cat commodes (i.e. litter boxes) and swept and moped the basement floor so they have a pristine pooping area while we are gone (I’m a good cat mommy and worry about their commodes not being all shiny and clean)*. It felt good to be productive this morning and not
worry obsess about eggs. It felt good to remember that a BFP this cycle would be AWESOME and that a BFN would be FINE. I have choices, I have options, I have time. This should be my mantra for the next four weeks.
After yesterday’s post I decided it is time to be proactive. I’m done wallowing in the “why me” and am ready to actively pursue my baby from all fronts. I phoned the three highest rated IVF clinics in surrounding areas and found one in Louisville with good success rates that has a Shared Risk Program. This clinic will also work with Dr. Hope and let him do some of the monitoring locally. They offer two variations of shared risk: one with monitoring one without. Assuming Dr. Hope is comfortable with this arrangement, I would pay him out of pocket to monitor and then the IVF clinic would preform the retrieval/transfer under their Shared Risk Program.
I am feeling so good about this arrangement and really hope that Dr. Hope will be on board. This would also make it easier for him to be my doctor once I’m pregnant as I can think of no one else I would rather deliver my baby. I go in on Monday afternoon for a follicle scan and to chat with him about this arrangement and promise to report back as soon as I’m done.
Now I need to finish up at the office so I can leave early and not have to rush to the airport! I promise photos and stories from my weekend in PA next week!
* Now, before some mean person chimes in on how having cat will kill my baby please note: I wear gloves when I do cat box duty (cause turds are gross, y’all!) and if I’m changing out all the litter and stirring up liter dust I wear a mask. Ultimately, though, I don’t think scooping a few turds and moping up the litter crusties is going to kill my baby and if it does I’m probably not cut out to be a mommy.