Hi, bear with me or skip this completely. I’m having a bad evening, am crying and am likely over reacting.
I called the clinic and got my E2 level for today. It was 79. Based on what Google is telling me, this means I’m growing crappy eggs, if any eggs at all, and that the cycle will likely be canceled. Which puts me back at my previously predicted annual ovulation rate of ONE.
Since I’m a masochist, let’s do the financial breakdown, shall we?
12 days of Gonal-F (37.5 iu) = $372
3 ultrasounds = $405
Total expenditure (worthless financial hemorrhage) = $777.
Lucky 7 my ass.
I know I was telling everyone I was remaining detached this cycle, but, I was lying. I wanted this to work so I could tell our parents over Christmas. What a great fucking gift that would have been! Too bad!
I don’t want to do IVF. I don’t want to spend our retirement on something that might not happen. I am scared to death they will suck out my eggs just to find that they are defective like the rest of me. I am scared that all they will suck out of the follicles will be gobs of Kool-Aid colored juice like they drained from my abdomen during the last cycle.
I’m scared of having to tell my parents, who now know and are eagerly awaiting their grand baby, that I failed them. I should have never told them. I want to make alternative plans for Thanksgiving. I don’t think this is the year for me to visit happy family who will all peer suspiciously at my bloated infertility belly.