Today is CD 26. Also known as the time when normal people might be tempted to POAS. I almost did this morning just so I would not feel left out. But alas, that would be a terrible waste of resources as I have not even gotten around to my IUI, or triggering, or growing anything worth measuring.
I dropped my meds back down to 37.5 on Wed night and since then have lost the tiny bit of swollen ovary feeling I was starting to get. I wish I was happy about this, but I’m not.
I come from a “no pain, no gain” family. In my world, if it does not hurt, you are not doing it right. This applies to everything in life – from school, to work, to relationships. I also apply this to infertility. If your ovaries don’t hurt, you are not growing eggs. If your ute does not hurt post IUI then the egg(s) is/are not implanting. If the girls don’t hurt post BFP then you are not staying pregnant. And on and on and on.
My ovaries do not hurt, therefore, I am not growing eggs. BUT maybe it is not supposed to hurt? Maybe this is how I should feel while growing one to two good quality eggs. Does nothing = success? I DON’T KNOW!
And it is driving me crazy.
All this is a moot point, though. At 3:30 today I have another scan to check the status of my lazy ovaries. After 23 days of injections, I think I’m spent. If we don’t have a good follicle or two today, I am afraid I need to call it quits until January. My soft belly skin is starting to hurt from all the pinching and sticking. My brain is tired of second guessing every pinch and ping around my ovaries. My husband is tired of listening to me preach to my ovaries. I also only have one more dose of Gonal-F, meaning I’m now out of my free stash from the Compassionate Care Program. This bums me. Time to tap into our savings and the money that I had so desperately hoped would buy baby things.
If this baby ever comes, it best be ready to sleep in a dresser drawer and wear Onsie’s made of t-shirts from my skinny days.