It turns out that keeping up with ICLW while surrounded by very chatty in-laws is near impossible! I say near because I WILL still leave the comments, they might just come during one landslide commenting session today and tomorrow!
I spent Thanksgiving 2010 in the emergency room with a terrible flair of lupus/uveitis. As Thanksgiving 2011 approached, I felt myself growing panicky about the anniversary of my sickness. While I know lupus does not keep a calendar, it does tend to strike during stressful times and holidays are about the pinnacle of stress. I have worked REALLY had during the past few weeks to keep my stress in check. I have tried so hard to be nice to myself, to not beat myself up over not being pregnant again, to overlook the fact that all my pants are tight from the 6 pounds I have gained (thanks PCOS), to breathe deeply when talking to annoying family and to let stressful situations at work pass me by.
For the most part, I kept everything in check. Sure I had bad anxiety days, but I also had some really good days. Mixed between the good and bad days were a lot of “meh” days, which after having months of OMGah AWFUL days, a slew of Meh days are pretty damn welcome. Yesterday morning I woke up at 5 a.m. and went to the bathroom to check my body. Does anything hurt? How is my vision? Are my pupils of equal size and responsive to light? Can I breath deeply and easily? Do my legs feel numb? Is my stomach upset?
My checklist goes on, but I won’t bore you. The only thing that was amiss was a slight headache from the super dark beer I had drank the night before. I was going to be ok.*Cue joyous music*
Mr. Husband and I prepared a feast for the in-laws yesterday. Mr. Husband made a turkey, I made my own seitan and a lush onion gravy to serve with both. We prepared vegan whole wheat stuffing, green beans with shallots in a white wine sauce, golden beets and cranberries roasted with savory and a vegan apple pie topped with a scoop of vanilla bean ice cream.
Mr. Husband also insisted on 24 crescent rolls prepared with a coating of honey, egg, butter and poppy-seeds. Realizing that he IS allowed to indulge in grossly over processed food at least once a year I caved and helped him pop open the cans of dough, nearly jumping out of of my skin each time one sprung open in my hands. Over the course of the evening he managed to put 10 of these rolls away in addition to all the other food. What I would not give for his metabolism!
I went to bed last night feeling satisfied. Not only with the meal and my health, but also with life as it stands right now. My life without a child is still really good. I am surrounded by people who love me regardless of my ability to produce an egg. I have an adorable little house with four wonderful cats. I have a husband who adores me even on those OMGah AWFUL days. I have hobbies and abilities that others do not. All in all, my life is pretty rich as it is right this moment. I can’t wait until my baby comes and makes life even more full, but until then I will enjoy every drop of what I have and try to not dwell on what is lacking.
What do you all do to stay focused on the good things that you have now rather than live a life of constant dissatisfaction?