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Feeling hopeless

11/29/2011

Belle

I can’t focus today. I feel lost, hopeless and alone. Not a nice way to feel during my favorite time of year (Christmas).

I called Dr. Hope yesterday to ask if he wants me on birth control during December until his IVF clinic opens in January. The nurse called back and said yes, she would call a prescription in. When I asked that she confirm his clinic WILL open at the beginning of January she dodged my question again saying, “Well, you know how things are. We hope it opens but we are waiting on contractors and paper work.”

I have been waiting for this clinic since its original open date in October. Then they pushed it till November, then January, and now I can’t get a clear answer if it will be open in January.

I feel so overwhelmed and hopeless about this entire situation right now. I’m mentally and financially ready to do this in January. Mr. Husband is preparing to graduate in May and is actively job hunting. This is the perfect time for us to have a child. Unfortunately, it’s not the right time for my doctor and that is upsetting me tremendously.

There is one other RE in town, but he is known to be very conservative in his treatment approach. His web site also states that most couples do not have eggs left after a cycle to freeze and does not tout success rates. The clinic in Louisville that has high success rates and a shared risk program is 90 minutes away, making it even more difficult to juggle with my work schedule.

I feel so stuck right now. Dr. Hope wants me to wait and work with him, but of course he does – he needs someone to pay his rent. The other Lexington doctor might not see the urgency behind getting me pregnant and does not tout any success rates. The Louisville doctor is so far away.

I have a consultation with the other Lexington doctor next Tuesday. Until then, I worry I will be stuck in this downward spiral of sad. It’s Christmas and everyone around me has babies. Where is my baby? Waiting on paper work and bureaucracy.

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14 Comments

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  1. November 29, 2011

    That’s so frustrating (about the doctor). I hate when you are ready for something but it seems like the world is not moving at the right pace. 😦

  2. November 29, 2011

    I’m so sorry you are feeling down and hopeless. But you are not alone! Most things around this whole process is utterly frustrating – not the least things like this where you are having to wait to be able to start treatment. We first got a referral to the hospital where we are having treatment in September 2010 and didn’t get to start with the first IUI cycle until June 2011 – despite the urgency with my elevated FSH levels.

    I hope your Dr hope get’s his act together and get that clinic going!!!

  3. 2berrys #
    November 29, 2011

    So sorry to hear you’re feeling this way. I totally understand being ready to go with this stuff. That’s how I was for my first attempt. I hope you can get it resolved and are comfortable with the decision. It’s not an easy one to make. I’d consider going elsewhere to a newer facility with the top notch docs but the hospital that my husband works for is the one that’s giving us IVF discounts so I’m kinda stuck. Christmas IS tough when you want a baby. All I wanted was for some good news to spread over the holidays. But, it’s ok. Let’s just look ahead to 2012 and that it will be a good year!

    • November 29, 2011

      I’d be far more patient if I had discounts waiting for me! I’m sitting here waving money in the faces of the medical world. MAKE ME A BABY PEOPLE! 🙂

  4. November 29, 2011

    Ughhh…that’s so frustrating. I hate waiting for paper work. I’ll be crossing my fingers that Dr. Hope will be open in January.

  5. November 29, 2011

    Maybe the other doc will surprise you and they have success regularly but just don’t know how to market themselves.

    • November 29, 2011

      You are right… and then they can hire me to help with their marketing 🙂

  6. November 29, 2011

    I have a question: does the RE even know when the clinic will be open? Definitely sounds like the nurse is in the dark and I would imagine it would be in everyone’s interest to open ASAP. I’m so sorry that you have to wait because of this. I would drive me insane too. Big hug to you and hoping that you get an early X-mas present of the clinic finally opening!

    • November 29, 2011

      He does not! He keeps saying that it is “supposed to open” during x month, and then something happens and it gets bumped back further. It just is not making me happy, nor is it giving me a good vibe. Is this the universes way of telling me this is not the clinic for me? I go round and round about it all!

  7. November 29, 2011

    Well, there’s no harm in having a back up plan right? I think it’s great that you’re trying the other RE in town, I hope he does surprise you and that he’s perfect and wants to get started first cycle in January. Either way, maybe make an appointment to check out the place in Louisville. Ain’t no mountain high enough….?

  8. November 29, 2011

    Keep an open mind about the other clinic. I think, by law, they have to have stats on success rates, don’t they? Try this link:
    http://www.cdc.gov/art/ARTReports.htm

  9. November 30, 2011

    Ugh that sucks. You could still go to the other clinic and talk to the doc. See how you feel about his approach. Worth a shot.

  10. December 1, 2011

    Oh, Belle, I’m sorry. I hate that bureaucratic jerking-around that seems to happen way too often. I hope they do open in January for you!!

  11. December 2, 2011

    Ugh I hate that feeling of being so close yet so far. You are right there but have to wait again. I hate waiting. Hope hope hope they open in Jan!

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