Similar to an exorcism but with exercise.
Yesterdays bout of hopelessness and stress has led me down an all too familiar path – the exercism. During an exercism I work my body into exhaustion day in, day out so I can sleep peacefully. I channel all the negativity, anger, sadness and hate into one thing and one thing only – exercise. The burning I feel in my legs and arms is a reminder that I AM in control of something. Even when everything else is spinning out of orbit, I can keep my body moving.
I worked myself into a hot sweaty mess at spin this morning. By the end of the class the bike resistance was all the way up and damn if it did not feel good. Now my legs feel like Jello and remind me every step of the way that infertility has not killed me and ultimately it will only make me stronger in both the mental and physical sense. During todays lunch break I’ll go to my second gym* and work my upper body in much the same fashion – weight assist pull-ups anyone?
After this morning I feel better. Today I was able to make it through a work meeting without feeling lethargic. I met with my supervisor to discuss low performing sectors of the office. I am cranking out the first of what will become monthly internal newsletters this afternoon. I’m being productive and I attribute it all to blowing off so much negativity at 6:30 in the morning.
How do you exorcise your infertility demons?
* Yes, I have two gyms and I am VERY aware of how selfish and ridiculous this is. Hear me out, though; one gym is RIGHT next to my office and the other is a 10 minute walk from my front door. Also, the memberships fall under the few perks of the university I work for and are very low-cost. And my gosh if I can’t have a baby at least let me have my gyms! 🙂