Skip to content

The icing on my shit cake



Watch out, the evil tofu is gonna kill your baby.


*Warning: I swear in this post because I’m angry. If this offends you, please proceed to the next article in your Reader.

It’s been a bad week. I have started five posts since Tuesday and not a single one is completed. I’m overwhelmed by the decisions I have to make and terrified of the outcomes should I choose incorrectly. Mr. Husband is burried in applications for jobs across the country and overseas. We have no idea where we will be come August 2012 and I have zero control over the situation. I’m not sleeping well, I have a cold and I’m breaking out worse than I have since all this infertiliy bull shit began.

In case this was not enough, my mother-in-law, who is convinced my infertility is caused by the foods I eat, the makeup and products I use, the “free radicals” in everything I touch, taste, smell, see and hear (and probably the toilet paper I wipe my ass with), sent me this article and then “cautioned me” against eating soy.

For those who are new to my blog: I have a weird autoimmune  thingy that makes my eyes swell up and causes vision loss. It’s crappy but I deal. The doctors’ best guess is that it is caused by a form of Lupus, but no one is sure. I’m also have some allergies and asthma thanks to living in this crappy, grass-filled state of Kentucky.

Otherwise, I’m a pretty normal, healthy woman. I exercise regularly. I don’t eat meat or dairy, but do eat fish once a week and eggs. I only eat whole grains and very rarely eat fried food. Blah Blah Blah. I am, for all intents and purposes, very healthy.

However, according to my mother-in-law, my food choices and lifestyle are what is making me sick and infertile. According to her, by painting my toe nails I am killing the embryo (it is worth noting that I have not painted my toe nails since this comment because I feel so bloody guilty that I’m wasting her money on IF treatment by painting my damn toes – my feet have never looked so bad).

For the record, I actually love soy. I like tofu so much that I often eat it straight from the container. If this is making me infertile while the rest of the country eats fried chicken and white bread that has a shelf life of 3 months thanks to all the “science” that is in it then someone please shoot me. I surely don’t deserve to pass my tofu-laced genes on to another human being.

Her email makes me beyond angry. Not only is it mean and insensitive to send this, it is also grossly inaccurate. If she wants to send me constructive information from medical journals, by all means, be my guest. Oxford’s Journal on Human Reproduction is an excellent place to find scholarly work that is actually based on science, fact and documented to hell-and-back. In my book, articles like the one she sent me that originate from a site that is also selling you their crazy-ass health scams is NOT credible.

Someone stop me before I fire a nasty e-mail back to her and squash the chance that she pays for our IVF.

* Image from:



Post a comment
  1. December 9, 2011

    WTF? Also, I thought tofu was supposed to have extra estrogen in it? Wouldn’t that help with fertility? Anyway, what does it matter???? You can only take so much control over your health and body – it sounds like you’re doing everything you can. It sucks when people think they’re being “helpful” when really they’re being very hurtful 😦

    BTW have you heard of the song Killer Tofu?

  2. December 9, 2011

    Oh, Belle, I’m so sorry. I know my in-law difficulties suck, but we don’t rely on them for anything at all. I can’t imagine how upsetting and infuriating this must be for you. I hope she finds some way to understand that she can’t solve everything by blaming your environment.

  3. December 9, 2011

    Whoa. First off, I’m so sorry that you have to deal with this. I know she’s trying to be helpful, but it’s clear that she’s utterly clueless. Unfortunately, this is the time to educate her about all these misconceptions. The tricky part is to do this in a manner that won’t offend her (I’m willing to bet that she’s prepared for a fight, so proceeding calmly is the key).

    Here’s what I would do: 1) print off the email with the article, put into a large envelop and hide it in a drawer. Don’t look at it for a few days as you blow off steam. 2) When you are in a better place, pull out the email and sit down with a pad of paper. Begin crafting a response, thanking her for caring so much about you and DH, but noting that though you appreciate this information, there is not really any convincing data out there that sow impacts infertility (all the studies done to date are utter crap and should not be believed). Then direct her to a website that will give her information if better understanding infertility. I really like the Resolve, as it can help direct family members on how to be supportive.
    3) Go treat yourself for handling this situation. If I was there, I would kidnap you from work and force you to get your nails done.

    Take care of yourself and hang in there.

  4. Mo #
    December 9, 2011

    My mom used to cut out articles out of magazines about weight and pregnancy loss, and a bunch of other “informative” BS.
    Even if they mean well, they’re idiots.
    Sending you a huge hug.

  5. MJ #
    December 9, 2011

    I’m so sorry. I can’t even begin to imagine what it must be like to have someone so “helpful” causing so much pain, anxiety and hurt. Nail polish killing your embryo? Seriously??

    Hang in there. Beat up a pillow if you have to. It helps. I promise!

    On a happier note, I bestowed upon you the Liebster blog award.

  6. Rachel @ Eggs In A Row #
    December 9, 2011

    Hugs. Also, I think MILs need to back off. xoxo

  7. December 10, 2011

    All family other than your partner in crime need to back off. I hate those “helpful” comments and stuff! I like Cristy’s idea.

    Hang in there honey. Hugz!

    • December 10, 2011

      And Robin got exactly what I was thinking! Doug was a great show!
      Killer Tofu!

  8. December 10, 2011

    1. buy some boxing gloves and training pads
    2. print out copy of photo of the trouble maker
    3. stick it to training pads and get your partner to hold them
    4. PUNCH. A LOT.
    5. Then mail order a book on unhelpful relatives in infertility and have it sent directly to her 🙂

    I hope things improve. totally understand your frustration.

  9. December 10, 2011

    I don’t eat tofu, but I have soy milk in my lattes, and in my cereal (I’m lactose intolerant – and I can’t stand the taste of milk – bleh).

    Its hard when someone is trying to be helpful and instead they end up sticking their foot in it. But seriously? Nail polish damaging an embryo?

    I’m trying to decide if I should stop using soymilk, and switch to either almond or rice. *shrug* I hope you get a chance to clarify some things with her.

  10. December 10, 2011

    Wow, I cannot believe this. I have heard a lot of insensitive things (mostly by people meaning well), but this tops it all! I’m just shocked and so sorry that you have to deal with this on top of everything else. Especially in a situation where you are having to rely on your in-laws for financial support for the treatments. It’s just cruel of her – no matter how well meaning it might be. I really think that you need to talk to her and explain that you don’t need this kind of stress and distress of being blamed – maybe your husband is the right one to do that since it’s his mother. And explain what does and does not impact fertility according to actual scientific evidence!

  11. AJ #
    December 10, 2011

    I’m sorry. That totally sucks! I hope things get better. On a happier note, I just gave you an award. Stop by my blog to check it out! Hang in there!

  12. December 10, 2011

    God that sucks. Even if someone means well you would think they could be able to get that it’s even a little bit hurtful. You need to talk/email to her and try to explain how it actually is. Really hope you get through to her in a good way.

  13. December 11, 2011

    Argh. People’s bad advice is the worst. This reminds me of Stirrup Queens’ awesome song called “Aunt Jane knows more than my RE”. I think it’s still on YouTube.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: