I got so much input from you all a while back on if/how/will you come/came out to friends/family/Facebook. What I gathered from these comments is that this is a deeply personal decision, much like religion and ones view on the death penalty.
Ultimately, “coming out” is not a decision anyone can make for you. Nor is whether or not to choose IVF or embryo adoption or a child-free life.
Much as I wish someone would decide these things for me, they cannot.
Rewind about 4 years. I’m much younger, living in Birmingham, chronically single and living a crazy life. My hair is a shade of tremendously unnatural red and my clothes always smell of cigarettes. It is 2 a.m. at a dive bar called the Ni.ck. I’m drinking vodka tonic with several friends: some divorced, some in failing marriages, some chronically single, all lonely and living like they were still 21 despite being at least a decade older. As I sipped my drink, my now-husband telephoned and the ringer jolted me out of this youthful stupor. For the first time I felt like my future was calling. I could choose to ignore the call and stay, or I could go home and return the call.
I made a decision then-and-there to go home. I set my drink down, cleared my tab, walked out of the Ni.ck and literally ran home. I called my future husband back as I crawled in bed and knew I had made the right decision. The next day my life changed. I tossed my cigarettes, started exercising and never returned to the Ni.ck. Nine months after that, I moved to Kentucky and a year later, I married the most amazing man on earth.
This Friday Mr. Husband and I went out for a very rare 2 bar night. We saw two bands, had a great dinner, hung out with friends, drank more than we should and had a blast. As we were sitting at the second bar I watched my surroundings. There were women about 10 years my senior, bleached out hair, too much makeup, sloshed and hanging on men you could tell did not care about them. They looked lonely and hollow. I squeezed my husband’s hand and remembered my last night at the Ni.ck and the choice I had made. The best choice of my life.
Years later I am facing new choices. I could stay the course or I could take a stand. I could leave my comfort zone and try for something better, or I could stay put. I took a risk like this before and look where it brought me – into the arms of someone who loves me unconditionally. Maybe taking another leap of faith will put another life into my arms?
When we got home I told Mr. Husband I was ready to get this show on the road. Our compromise? One IVF cycle and as many frozen transfers from our embryos as were possible. If this did not work, we would move to embryo adoption. He agreed.
Today I scheduled my SHG (sonohysterogram) for Thursday morning. This will start the chain of events leading to my first IVF cycle, making this journey real and tangible. Empowered by this appointment, I posted the above on Facebook, asking for the support of the Family Act of 2011 and, for the first time, outing myself to the general public. It felt good, even if I cried when I did both. And now I post it here, with zero editing meaning you get to meet the cumbersome name that sets me apart from women everywhere.