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Cautiously optimistic

02/08/2012

Belle

I was back at Dr. A’s this morning at 7:30 a.m. to check the follies and E2. The follies looked “really good.” I did not ask for stats on quantity or size as I didn’t want more disappointment if the cycle was cancelled. All I know is the string of photos that printed out of the machine was huge.

Dr. A called an hour ago and explained that based on appearance, my follicles look really good. My E2 has gone up, although it is nowhere near where he expected it to be. Today it was 930, up from 315 on Monday. Dr. A explained that recently the validity of using E2 levels as a way to gauge egg quality has been up for dispute. Some doctors don’t even check it until right before trigger to make sure there is no risk of hyper stimulation. Based on this, and the fact that my follicles look so good, he is comfortable moving forward with a Saturday retrieval. I’ll do one more night of Gonal-F/Ganirelix tonight to give the eggs a little bit longer to bake and then will administer my first Lupron trigger on Thursday at 10 p.m. and my second on Friday at 10 a.m. Retrieval surgery is scheduled for 8:15 a.m. on Saturday.

I am tremendously relieved by all of this, but also cautiously optimistic. I realize that just because I have 25 plus follicles does not mean I will get 25 plus eggs. I realize that based on my E2 levels I’ll be quite lucky to get 10 eggs. However, like many of you all reminded me during my meltdown, it only takes one. Yeah,  yeah, yeah, this is one of the top three lines we IFers HATE to hear, but it is essentially true.

So I’m cautiously optimistic. The follies will bake a little more today and tomorrow, and then they will get two totally awesome blasts of Lupron to finish them up. The rest is 100% out of my control. All I can do is stay busy and try not to Google the heck out of “low E2 levels” and “IVF success rates.”

As for the state of my marriage, things are better. Distressing as our conversation was, it was good to get it out in the open. It gave Mr. Husband a chance to realize that it is not a personal attack on him or our marriage when I say “I don’t know what I will do it we can’t have children.” It also gave him a chance to show me that he wants this as badly as I do. He had a bad case of anxiety shits this morning because he was so worried the cycle would get cancelled. While I feel so bad for his poor bum, the situation made me feel more at ease knowing we are on the same page – two baby-crazy people, pooping like it’s going out of style .

Time to turn my attention to editing the pile of photos I shot in the past 2 weeks. Thank you all again for your kindness and support during the past few days. I will catch up on all my blog reading and commenting this weekend.

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19 Comments

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  1. February 8, 2012

    Sounds very positive, but I understand you not wanting to get too excited. Congrats on being almost done with stims and onto retrieval!! Looks like your e2 is on its way up and things are growing. Good luck! Can’t wait to hear your surprise when you get a bunch of awesome eggs 🙂

  2. February 8, 2012

    Great news!! 🙂 I’m so happy for you that you are able to be cautiously optimistic now. During my cycle I found it difficult and very disappointing that it looked like I would only have 5-6 eggs. But we ended up with 8 eggs and 6 good embryos. You just never know. Good to hear also that it’s not too crazy to put less emphasis on those estrogen levels.

    I’m glad to hear you guys are finding each other again and realizing that you are both stressed and everything else this difficult journey implies. It was my experience as well that my husband was just as anxious about the whole thing as me – sometimes more so I think because he felt even more powerless since everything was happening to my body.

    All the best with the retrieval!!!

    • February 8, 2012

      This is encouraging to hear! I would be positively thrilled with 6 good embryos. Time will tell… Thanks for all your kindness!

  3. February 8, 2012

    Well there we go! Up up up! Hoping for a good retrieval on Saturday!!!!

  4. February 8, 2012

    Glad to hear it may have turned a corner. Will be thinking of you Saturday.

  5. February 8, 2012

    I’m glad everything is looking fab for your upcoming retrieval! I bet your E2 level will be super high by the time Saturday rolls around.

    • February 8, 2012

      I sure hope so! Bring on the high estrogen crazies!

  6. Sarah L #
    February 8, 2012

    Yay Yay Yay!

    I will be thinking of you and sending you lots of egg-cooking thoughts.

  7. February 8, 2012

    Yes! Yes! So good to hear there is still hope!!

    Also: “two baby-crazy people, pooping like it’s going out of style” … cracked me up. 😀 😀

  8. February 8, 2012

    I love that husband had anxiety shits, i wish my husband had those 😉
    I love that your being cautiously optimistic so your readers can be ball to the wall optimistic for you. thinking of you & sore bum husband(Vaseline works well for that!

    • February 8, 2012

      You best be careful what you wish for, Katie! Let’s just say that both floors of the house were aromatic. There was no escaping…

  9. February 8, 2012

    Yay!!! Fingers crossed!

  10. February 8, 2012

    If there is anything I have learned, it’s that even when everything (follies, e2) look “perfect” you can have a less than perfect outcome. SO, that means that wonderful outcomes can come from imperfect cycles. I KNOW you’ll be just fine. Hang in there!

  11. February 8, 2012

    So glad the cycle was not cancelled! It is true that it only takes one, frustrating, but true. Good luck on Sunday!

  12. February 8, 2012

    I’m so glad to hear that you’re able to move forward with this cycle! I will continue to keep everything crossed for you and am waiting as patiently as possible for the news on Saturday.

  13. February 9, 2012

    This is such great news!! I thought about you this morning and was hoping for a good outcome and I’d say this is pretty great. Can’t wait to hear about the retrieval!!!

  14. February 9, 2012

    Good Luck & take care of yourselves 🙂

  15. February 9, 2012

    I’ll be thinking of you! Fingers crossed!

  16. February 17, 2012

    Great news to hear your transfer is still on!
    I have no idea what my E2 levels are, ever. I don’t think I’ve ever even had my E2 levels checked. If they were checked, it has only been during the once a year check that is mandatory for IVF and they never said anything about them to me. (Or if they did say something, I just didn’t understand because it was in Finnish. hahah)
    Keeping my fingers crossed!

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