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I think my ovaries are so big they are interfering with my brain

02/10/2012

Belle

Infertility has taken a huge poo on my creativity.

At least that is my excuse.

So the last two weeks I have been traveling, conducting interviews and shooting photos. Why? Because I’m the marketing girl for a nonprofit and we need our annual report done and at the printer by NEXT FRIDAY.

The traveling and interviews and photos were FUN. Now I’m facing writing the stories, editing the images and designing the publication. I’m not going to lie, all the infertility crapola in my life has taken a gigantic shit on my creativity. I just can’t get it in gear. My writing is flat. The layout I have put together is lack luster. My copy editing is just abominable. So here I sit with 13 client success stories to write, three program highlights to write and all kinds of layout and photo work to do and you know what I’m able to accomplish?

Nothing. Zilch. Zero. Nada.

I have written three luke warm stories. I have edited two photos. I have gazed for hours at a blank page in Indesign.

All I want to do is be done with retrieval and know how many good eggs I had. Then I want to know how many embryos get frozen. Then I want to fast forward to Vegas, and then fast forward to transfer day. And then to Beta Test Day. And then to that moment when I get the good news that I’m pregnant and get to tell Mr. Husband he is in charge of consuming all the beer for the next 9 months.

Notice anything missing from the above wants? Oh yeah, work. I gotta do it because this lady married a student and happily (stupidly) agreed to play bread-winner. (And by bread-winner I mean a very, very small loaf. Think a mini loaf. Or maybe just a hamburger bun. Without sesame seeds. I don’t bring home much bread.)

I hope that by writing about my extreme apathy towards work and my inability to function like a regular adult I will somehow trick my brain into shifting into overachiever drive and cranking out one glorious annual report proof in the next four hours. Or maybe I just wasted another 10 minutes of precious time.

One more sleep till retrieval!

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8 Comments

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  1. AJ #
    February 10, 2012

    That’s how I was the entire time during stims leading up to retrieval. Just take it one day at a time. i also just tried to be really happy when I would get little things done…like if I did a load of laundry or had a good day at work! My brain function still hasn’t returned to normal, but I hope your creativity comes back to you!! I can’t wait to hear good news about your retrieval!!

  2. February 10, 2012

    I swear my IQ dropped 50 points while I was stimming. I had a few days there where I would start conversations and then end them mid-sentence and wander away. Grey actually got to the point where he had to make sure I was making eye-contact in order to get anything out of me. Anyway, I hear you. But you are SO close!! So hang in there, give yourself mini-deadlines and know that I’m rooting for you.

  3. February 10, 2012

    Maybe you will have a weird reaction to lupron and you will become a hyper achieving work completing superstar!! Stranger things have happened on lupron for sure. But really after my cycles I decided hormones have more of an effect on our day to day lives, who we are, and every interaction we have, than many people will ever realize. Hang in there.

  4. February 10, 2012

    You may only have a hamburger bun but your job sounds cool and your hubby won’t be a student forever. Maybe you saved all your creativity for your blog because I think what you wrote was cute!

    Sending positive vibes your way for tomorrow 🙂

  5. February 10, 2012

    I’ve been doing bare minimum lately at work – ever since stims, and our cycle was canceled over a week ago. I hear ya on total lack of productivity!

    • February 12, 2012

      I think we need a special kind of PTO for fertility related issues – it pays full salary plus a little bonus for a pedi, or new shoes, or something to make us feel better about ourselves!

  6. February 11, 2012

    I so understand your situation! I was the breadwinner for 4 years while my husband was in graduate school, and as soon as he got a job I put in my notice and spent this past summer traveling, gardening, organizing a move, getting our initial IF diagnosis and doing contract work part time. I highly recommend it! Well, I recommend taking a break from work some day when you can…maybe not all the other stuff if you can help it. Being the sole income earner can be stressful! Especially when you’re also struggling with fertility issues. Good luck!

    • February 11, 2012

      Oh this is like my dream to a T! I can’t wait to get to take some me time to travel, garden, get our new house in order, etc. Maybe then I’ll actually grow more than weeds in my garden, too 🙂

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