About this photo: Another hasty walk to work this morning. I have been running late every day for the past two weeks. I blame the Ortho Tri-Cyclen. It’s my new scape goat.
Click here to see a list of the lovely March Photo Challenge Participants!
In other news, I’m still fighting The Sad. My acupuncturist tried to needle the depressed out of my last night. It helped until it was time for bed and immediately I could feel my heart pounding away. I remember having this problem as a kid – the pounding heart and anxiety filled nights. Back then I was able to drown the racing thoughts out by focusing on something I found calming and peaceful. I often would focus on Christmas (my favorite time of the year), our cats, or playing during recess. As I got older, though, these things no longer comforted me. Today, I am having an incredibly hard time finding anything comforting. Thinking of Christmas makes me think of my home and all the terrible, stressful worries that brings up. Thinking of my cats makes me panic that something will happen to them. And recess, well, I’m 31. Recess is about 20+ years behind me now.
I just don’t know what to do to empty these thoughts. Every time I lay down to sleep I am plagued by worries: I won’t have a child, I’ll lose my baby, Mr. Husband will leave me, family drama, work drama, my fears of what is happening to my body, lupus worries, job stress, fears of losing my mobility (this is something I have not written about, but haunts me every hour of every day), Mr. Husband’s lack of a job and on and on and on.
Oh my gosh, I’m feeling all crazy just typing these things out and I’m wide awake and at my office! The gym has become my safe-spot lately. It’s the only place I can turn the brain off. I sure wish it was open 24-7 and that it provided cots for the neurotic. Hopefully next week will be better. If not, I may commit myself.
I’m behind on my blog reading and commenting. I will try to catch up this weekend. Know I love each and every one of you. I’m thinking about all of you facing difficult pregnancies, scary TWWs, agonizing decisions about how to grow your family and even those who are blissfully feeding their sweet babies and joining “the other side” of the blogoverse!