I keep trying to write a fertility-related post but can’t seem to crank out the words. Maybe tomorrow will be better. Until then, I will post about something trivial and probably not worthy of its own post: my hair.
Last week after a particularly rough day stuck in the Ortho Tri-Cyclen Cycle of Crazy (which goes kind of like this: THE RAGE followed by the sad followed by the soothe with dessert or carbs followed again by THE RAGE because oh my gosh lady, the last thing your chubby belly needs is more carbs) I went to the hair stylist.
Tip No. 1: You should not get your hair done when feeling intense self-hatred. Nothing good will come of it.
Earlier that day I noticed a girl at the gym who was at least 10 years younger than me and had beautifully colored hair. All these long strands of varying shades of blonde cascaded down her back. So soft and fresh looking. I looked at my dark hair with a partial golden highlight and decided then and there it was time to go all out and do a full light blonde highlight.
My stylist asked if I was sure and I nonchalantly said, “Of course! It’s just hair! It will always grow back.”
Tip No. 2: If your stylist has to confirm that you really want to do something you should probably reconsider.
Two hours later my hair was heavily highlighted a kind of honey golden color (super white blonde just won’t happen on this dark hair) and I am fighting back tears. It’s different and it’s frizzy and this hormonal lady hates her some frizzy hair.
I manage to keep it together until I get home and then have a total freak out with Mr. Husband. As always, he patiently tells me I’m pretty and that it does not look that bad. Yes, it is a lot of highlighting, and yes it’s rather frizzy, but maybe I need some new product and to give it some time.
Tip No. 3: If you do No. 1 and No. 2, make sure Mr. Husband is armed with wine and chocolate when you come home. You are both going to need it.
After 24 hours and another $65 in products (someone really needs to get a grip on herself…) and I’m feeling a little bit better. The highlights are not bad, but they are a far cry from my former shiny locks and I’m afraid they are going to start breaking off. In effort to keep the hair on my head and not on the floor with all the cat fur, I formulated a “Save Belle’s Hair From Breaking Off Plan.” Obsessive? Yes. But isn’t that why you come here? To read about someone far more obsessive than yourself and feel better? I thought so!
- Use damage remedy shampoo and conditioner exclusively
- Twice a week do a deep conditioning treatment
- Before each styling apply a repair/protect serum
- Limit flat-iron and blow-drier time
- Only wash my hair every-other day
This last one freaks me out. I have had thin hair my entire life. Skipping a shampoo was never an option if I wanted to avoid looking like I had not paid my water bill.*
However, the prospect of all this frizzy blonde hair breaking off and leaving me with even thinner hair than before was too much, so I sucked it up and went the first day without washing my hair. The night before I had slept funny and my bald spot was very visible** so I opted to pull half the hair up in clips. Problem solved and a full day passed with no one saying “Hot damn Belle! Did you slide into work today on a layer of grease?”
The next time I washed my hair I was a little more careful with how I slept on it and low-and-behold the bald spot was still well concealed on Day Two and I was able to keep my hair down again. Day Three rolled around this morning and I was running super late. I looked in the mirror and, shockingly, the front of the hair did not look that bad. A quick peek at the back revealed the bald spot, but even that was not terrible and the hair itself did not look that dirty. So I pulled half-up, brushed my bangs down and off I went.
Halfway through Day Three after a 3 mile walk and a quick lunch-break run it still looks ok! The real test will come tonight when Mr. Husband strokes my head during snuggle time. He would never actually ask if I forgot to pay the water bill, but he is a terribly transparent and I always know when something strikes him a grody.
I’m actually pretty stoked about this. Washing and styling hair is such a drag. I envy my girlfriends with thick hair that can go three and four days between washes and still look good. If these highlights give me the ability to cut wash time in half I’ll be a pretty happy camper. If the hair remains on my head and does not break off I’ll be even happier.
Time will tell, I guess. Until then, I’m going to proudly go about my day with dirty hair. I paid good money to be able to slack on personal hygiene!
* Yes, I actually think this from time-to-time when someone shuffles by with exceptionally greasy hair. In my defense, I used to be that greasy person who had her water cut off many moons ago when I valued extra-circular activities over bill paying. I know. Shame. On. Me. On so many fronts.
** Yes, my bald spot is likely punishment from The Universe for making fun of people with greasy hair.