Sorry for the complete void of activity since my last post. I have been working on a response to all of your great comments and was hoping to finish it today until I was slapped in the face by reality.
Today is CD14. This morning Fred (my new name for the dildo cam) revealed a rock star lining weighing in at 7.8 and two shockingly cyst-free ovaries. That was the good news.
Dr. A then asked how many embryos I wanted to transfer and I said a firm ONE. He quickly said my rates of success would be half that of two embryos. I explained that according to all my research the success rates are the same for one vs. two embryos. He was very hasty to say that his success rates are not that good. He only has a 30% success rate when transferring one embryo and a 60% success rate with two. When two are transferred his rate of twinning is 10%.
After our appointment we again looked up his statistics online and dammit if they are not very helpful. Why on earth does FET reporting have to be so much more vague than fresh reporting? This seems incredibly unfair.
Mr. Husband and I have been reading statistics from across the globe today, frantically looking for the magic stat that will make it all okay. Unfortunately there is very little on one vs. two embryos when it comes to FETs. We are scientific people and not the types to make decisions on a whim. With less than 24 hours to make a choice, it looks like we are going to have to go on faith more than fact, something that leaves us both uneasy.
First, let’s summarize where Mr. Husband and I are in our lives, both personally and professionally in case you are new here:
- I am at a job a dislike and plan to return to school when Mr. Husband is done and employed.
- Mr. Husband is done in July (he pushed graduation back from May to buy some more time) and currently has no good job offers.
- I make very little money in my current position.
- He makes even less.
- We have four cats who are loud and demanding and smelly.
- We are not happy in Lexington and do not intend to stay here.
- I have funky autoimmune issues that could be lupus, but no one is really sure. Clock. Is. Ticking.
- He is normal – or as normal as a math Ph.D. can be!
- Our relationship is not at its strongest thanks to the above “challenges.”
- We are both terrified of the possibility of two dirty diapers and two screaming faces.
- I’m scared to death of two mouths heading for my boobies every few hours.
- My boobies are small. I doubt their ability to feed one, let alone two. My torso is small and I doubt it’s ability to carry one, let alone two babies. I have a usually small cervix and have no idea what that means but am pretty sure it does not bode well for a twin pregnancy.
Now let’s summarize our embryos: We have 6 blastocysts, three at day five and three at day six. Of those six, three are perfect AA’s and three are near perfect AB’s. (I can’t help but grin when I type those stats. I’m a proud mama already!)
So with all this in mind, we have come to the following tentative decision:
We will thaw two embryos. We’ll transfer the best and refreeze the second. In the event the second is too crappy to refreeze, we’ll either let it go, or pop it in with the good one. If this cycle is a bust, we’ll have to do another month of birth control pills and then another month of ute prep putting our next transfer in mid June. By then, we’ll hopefully know what our future holds. Does Mr. Husband have a job? Is it somewhere that I can go to school? Are we moving somewhere closer to family? How is our financial situation? How is my mystery lupus? How is our marriage? Have the cats magically relaxed and stopped being so damn loud? Ok, that last one is sort of a joke!
In June we’ll be at a better place to face the real possibility of twins. If FET 1.1 fails, then we’ll transfer two for FET 1.2. If that fails we will change doctors. Hopefully by then we’ll be in a new city with better choices.
So that is where we stand at this moment. Terrified and uncertain, but ready to jump. Sweet little embryo, please be strong and stick around, Mommy and Daddy suck at these kind of decisions and would like to stop having to make them. xoxo.