Skip to content

Planning to fail



We turned in our consent form today. We will thaw one embryo at a time until there is one to transfer. There was not an option on the form to thaw two and transfer one.

I felt so good about our decision when I wrote yesterday. Today, though, I feel the cycle has already failed. For some reason yesterday’s interaction with Dr. A, and his sudden lack of confidence in his abilities, has left me with a really bad taste in my mouth. When we had our initial consultation with him he spoke so confidently about being able to “get me pregnant” and was so certain that FETs were the way to go in my case. I looked at his statistics then and was aware that they were not as good as other clinics. We ultimately chose his clinic, though, because of his confidence and attention to my tendency to hyper stimulate.

When we chose Dr. A we were certain we would transfer two embryos at a time. At this point I had not seen so many twin pregnancies fall apart after the 20th week. I was blissfully unaware of the complications of twins and the devastating effect they can have on a marriage. At that point I was one of the “Twins would be fun!” people. I was also naive in thinking that Mr. Husband would have a solid job offer by April.

Something about the look in Dr. A’s eyes yesterday made my heart stop, though. For the first time I felt intense doubt in his ability. I felt pushed to do two embryos not because it was best for me, but because it was best for his statistics. Revisiting his statistics I realized that there are gaping holes in the reporting of FET success rates. There are no stats on how many of those successes were singletons. No statistics on how many of these now pregnant or new mothers did IVF because of male factor or female factor. All I got was this:

Lots of juicy statistics on fresh transfers, but squat on FETs. And the FETs that were reported are not so awesome, either. Where is that 60% that I read elsewhere? And why the hell am I only able to find 2009 statistics when it is 2012?

I feel cheated and like this cycle is already a bust. I don’t want to feel this way but I don’t know how to shake it. I am considering transferring two, but first I have to get Mr. Husband’s consent and he is not on board. He is okay doing FET after FET and why shouldn’t he be? Cycles are easy for him – all he has to do is dodge the projectiles when his hormonal wife goes bat-shit crazy.



Post a comment
  1. April 11, 2012

    Don’t beat yourself up about not feeling sure about this cycle. I’ll be hopeful for you for a while if that helps. I really am hopeful. There’s every reason to believe that you’ll have a great chance of pregnancy. Let’s just give your little embryo a chance!

    I also have confidence in your decision. You gave really great reasons for it in your last post.

    I don’t know much about FET yet, but I’m wondering if the transfers have to be during a medicated cycle? I hope you never have to do this again, unless you’re trying for a sibling, but if you do, maybe there are ways to make it easier on your body. IF treatments are awfully hard on the women’s body. It’s unfair.

    Sending you lots of hugs, Belle!

  2. April 11, 2012

    Go check out nikinikinine @ Her clinic only has a 33% success rate, but after twins in her last cycle she only transferred one (as opposed to 3 last time) and is now 13 weeks pregnancy with one perfect little bub. It is hard not to plan to fail, but your body hasn’t done this yet, it’s probably just waiting to show off! Go for one this time as planned and if no luck, do two next time.

  3. April 11, 2012

    I wanted to jump in with a site for you to look at. All accredited fertility clinics report data on fresh AND frozen cycles to SART. You can easily use this site to click on your state, search out your clinic, and get exact reporting data. If the center does not report to SART it would be a red flag in my mind. Anyhow here is the link:
    Also- stats are always about 1-2 years behind due to the nature of collecting and compiling data.
    I hope this helps a little… I know you are frustrated and I wish there were magical words to make it all better. hugs.

    • April 11, 2012

      oh Leslie, here is where i made a mistake. His clinic does not report to SART. I realized this after starting my cycle which was a BIG failure on my behalf. I feel physically ill when I think of this oversight.

      • April 11, 2012

        Don’t worry Belle, I freaked out when I realized that my clinic did not report to SART either, but I asked why and it was because they were running some kind of trials which did not allow them to (they had previously been registered and will re-register after it’s done). My clinic also had apparently the highest FET rates in the phoenix area (and there are LOTS). I never saw the proof except what they told me, but my acupuncturist who was completely separate from them told me it was true so that made me feel better.

      • April 11, 2012

        Oh honey it is alright.. breathe. At this point your best plan is to go ahead with this transfer and keep everything crossed for success.
        IF you need to move on to another frozen cycle (hopefully you will not until it’s time for #2) you can always switch to another clinic.
        You didn’t do anything wrong in all of this Belle- it’s a really hard road to walk and ther is no ‘one way’ that works for everyone. Even clinincs with the highest success levels have cycles that fail. In the end you do the best you can with what you have.. and that it what you are doing here. Let’s hope for a great outcome! Hugs girl…

  4. April 11, 2012

    I don’t even have a good comment. I am just holding out hope for you, still.

  5. April 11, 2012

    Given the stats you have found and all the push for transferring two, I don’t blame you for feeling defeated. But here’s the thing: you have good quality embryos. They are little rockstars. And, as much as I hate this saying, it only takes one. Add to the fact that everyone I know in real life has only transferred one and everyone single one of those ladies is past the 20 week point (and zooming into the third trimester) and there’s not a single reason in my mind why this won’t work.

    So, let us do the hoping. I know how scary all of this is, but I have faith that this WILL work.

  6. April 11, 2012

    I have nothing helpful to say, but want you to know I’m thinking of you

  7. April 11, 2012

    I have faith in your one happy little embryo too! Hang in there Belle!

  8. April 11, 2012

    I have faith in your perfect little embies. They won’t let you down! Hugz!

  9. Jo #
    April 11, 2012

    I really, really, really don’t want to offend. Please take this in the manner in which it is intended: those success rates are GHASTLY. Virtually every clinic nowadays averages at least 50% from fresh transfers. Your mental health (not to mention your finances) deserves SO MUCH BETTER than this. I would hope he has some great explanations for why his rates are so much further below the national average? Does he only work with high-risk or repeated-failures?

    I don’t question your decision to go with a SET. In all the research I’ve done, SET’s are just as likely to “take” as transferring two, but with greatly reduced risks of twins (there is still a risk with a SET — those pesky embryos have minds of their own sometimes!). Only you know what your body, your heart, and your marriage is capable of withstanding. I think you have valid points and have clearly thought this through — I just wish I felt more confidence in your clinic.

    I hope that you fall into that 30% this cycle. If not, I would be remiss in not suggesting you look elsewhere for future transfers.

  10. April 12, 2012

    Be confident in your choice and know that once its done it’s out of your hands. You have to accept that you have done all you can, and the rest is up to the embryo. I wish you good luck, good vibes and you will be in my thoughts.

  11. April 12, 2012

    My office is the same way – practically nothing in the way of FET stats. But my docs did a wonderful job. If you aren’t comfortable with twins than you made the right choice. Focus on the success rates they do have. *HUGS*

  12. April 12, 2012

    Those awesome little embryos will do it for you- not Dr. A. I’m wishing you the best of luck for you this cycle and it IS possible!

  13. April 12, 2012

    I am hopeful for you, there might be statistics screaming failure but then again the percentages that does succeed are going somewhere, right. I so hope that is you!

  14. April 12, 2012

    I may only have one follicle/egg retrieved this weekend, so I’ve heard the following sentence many times this week: It only takes one. I know it’s hard to believe, but it’s true.

    To make myself feel better yesterday, I read a bunch of poor responder stories (<5 eggs retrieved). Many of them had only 1 or 2 embryos, and many of them got pregnant.

    I have faith in your little one.

  15. April 20, 2012

    Thinking of you

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: