I am a counter. I count yoga poses and obsess when things are not perfectly even. For example, if we are doing a Warrior sequence and we miss one pose while doing the left side but not the right I get uncomfortable and feel the entire sequence is null and void.
Evidently it is obvious that I’m off-kilter when we miss a beat in class because my teacher has stared asking me, in front of everyone, “How many was that?” and I sheepishly tell her. Everyone stares at me in wonder and probably pity. This poor girl can’t get her zen on because of all the counting.
I count other things, too. It’s never become enough of problem I feel that I need help, though. Other than interrupting my yoga practice it really is just a quiet droning in my head and I rather like it. It’s consistent… unlike that damn Warrior sequence.
This need to keep count fits perfectly into TTC. 27 eggs. 6 embryos. 3 cycles in my entire life (I have only gotten to POAS 3 times in MY ENTIRE LIFE. Put that in your pipe and smoke it.)
I’ve never doubt my count. Unlike many cooks, I am always 100% certain that there are 4 cups of flour in that bowl. Until this morning.
A lot of y’all won’t agree with this, but I decided to start POAS at 5 days past 5 day transfer. I NEED to collect data. I need to feel some control over this situation. This morning I woke up at 4 a.m. and crept downstairs, feeling guilty and ashamed of my inability to “just relax and enjoy this.” (I call bullshit to any IVFer that claims she can relax and enjoy the TWW, by the way!) It was, of course, negative.
Then it hit me… am I 5 days past or only 4? How exactly is this counted? Oh my fucking goodness… I AM NOT SURE HOW TO COUNT THIS. And then the tears started. Not because of the negative test, but because of my lack of control and uncertainty with my count. Damnit. Maybe I do have a problem.
So riddle me this, IVF pros – do we count the transfer day as 1dp5dt, or is the day following the transfer 1dp5dt, making transfer day essentially 0? This is driving me crazy. Am I five days past or only four? Ah-ah-ah!