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Lonely and hormonal

04/23/2012

Belle

Lonely and hormonal. It’s a dangerous combination.

Mr. Husband flew out yesterday morning for a week-long math conference in Minnesota. I cried while taking him to the airport. I cried while photographing ducks and herons (pictures to come later this week!), I cried while shopping for new pillows and I cried when my carrot cake did not come out as planned. In short, I’m a big lonely and hormonal mess.

I know these conferences are really important for Mr. Husband’s work and job hunt but my God, why did it have to land during the TWW? He’ll return Friday at noon. My beta test is Thursday meaning I’ll be alone when I get the results. I’m not quite sure how to handle this.

Today is 6dp5dt (like for real this time) and I don’t feel pregnant. Thanks to thrice daily progesterone I’m bloated and my pants are bordering on obscenely tight. I’ve had occasional pinching on the right side of my lower abdomen, but I attribute that to irritated intestines from the ridonkulous amount of gas that I have had. This is about to be TMI… The occasional RBF (really big fart) feels good. It is a welcome release of pent-up hot air that leaves me feeling lighter and refreshed. Imagine these RBF’s every time you bend down, twist or cough. It is alarming and becoming uncomfortable. I’m tired of farting.

I’m also just plain old tired, but I attribute this to the progesterone. Is it sad that I welcome the exhaustion that progesterone brings because it helps me sleep despite all the worrying? What else can I complain about? Oh, itching. I have been unbelievably itchy. I usually get itchy right before my period starts so I chalk this extra itchy up to a mondo period of doom on the horizon.

I feel like you deserve some sort of prize for making it this far into my bitch session about being lonely, hormonal and likely not pregnant. How about a sneak peek at some of the photos I took yesterday? Since I was up at the crack of dawn to take Mr. Husband to the airport, I decided to visit the geese and ducks at one of my favorite duck-spotting parks. Much to my delight there was a pair of herons fishing in the lake and I was able to get a few awesome photos of them! Here is my favorite from the day.

I must note that the only photo shopping I did on this was to tweak the levels ever so slightly to bring out feather definition.

Ok, and one more because I can’t neglect my duck friends. I was practicing the Aperture Priority mode for this shot.

Don’t you just want to hug that cutie? Sigh, just looking at sweet ducks and noble birds makes me feel better.

 

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26 Comments

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  1. April 23, 2012

    Blog hugs, Belle. I had part of the 2WW with a footy conference….oh so fun. Keep yourself busy…book in some catch ups with friends. Take more photies. You can do it.

    Great pics! love the smiley duckie.

    Ummm, you can still be pregnant. I didn’t know until 9 days post transfer (I think) when I started to suspect something was up? I felt really “unpregnant” before that time. I had a Wednesday transfer, and the Saturday week afterwards was when my brain started going “what the hey?”. Before that, not an inkling. Nada. Period like cramps. Bloating, The whole shebang. And that whole weekend I was in two minds, right up until the Monday morning of the test when all of a sudden I knew…

    COME ON PIP! Everything crossed for you.

    • April 23, 2012

      I echo ozifrog. I had no idea the 2 times I was pregs. My only clue was that AF was not showing up each day.

    • April 23, 2012

      Thanks for the encouragement! I think I’ll spend a lot of evenings with the ducks and geese this week!

  2. April 23, 2012

    Been lurking on your blog for a while–so sorry your husband won’t be there on the day of your beta. That just sucks. And hormonal moodiness is awful…cannot wait to get this baby-making business out of the way so I can get on a drug that makes me more stable.

    I read your post about how you loved living in Birmingham. I did, too! I lived there for a couple of years in my early 20’s and had such a great time. It’s a surprisingly pretty city.

    Hang in there with the hormonal loneliness.

    • April 23, 2012

      I love it when lurkers de-lurk 🙂 I was thinking the same thing last week. As soon as this baby is safely in my arms I am going on some wonder drug to help with my OCD!

      Birmingham is so delightful. I could really go for a dinner on the patio of Rojo right about now, too!

  3. April 23, 2012

    You deserve to bitch all you want and we don’t need photographs as a reward for reading what you’re going through (though they are lovely). IF is hard. IVF is really hard. The 2WW is impossible. Doing it alone is the worst. Also gas bloating is no fun. So don’t apologize for any of it. Thinking of you this week. Hope it goes fast.

  4. April 23, 2012

    Thinking of you and sending you loads of hugs xxx

  5. April 23, 2012

    Bitch all you want, isn’t that what a blog is for?? If not, mine has been abused for sure! Also, wanted to tell you that this time around (my only actual pregnancy) was the time I felt the least pregnant and had the least symptoms, I felt that I had way more symptoms in past cycles (which obviously went nowhere). And tons of symptoms in my chemical pregnancy. But this time – nothing at all, some lower back pain (minor) at 3 and 5dpt and that was it. If I hadn’t already known i was pregnant thanks to some very early HPTs I would have been sure it was all done. In fact, I wrote a post about how I was sure it didn’t work then got my first BFP that same morning.

  6. April 23, 2012

    *big hugs* I so hate being hormonal!! May this week go by quickly with lots of great pictures and outdoorsy-ness!

  7. April 23, 2012

    PS – rooting for PIP and hoping you have the world’s most fantastic news for Mr. husband to come home to.

  8. April 23, 2012

    With all of those hormones, you can’t have any idea if you really are pregnant or not. I REALLY hope you get great news.

  9. April 23, 2012

    Oh Belle. I’m sending you a big hug, hon. The 2ww is awful. Just awful. Add in the fact you hopped up on progesterone and estrogen, and it’s enough to drive the average person looney.

    I’m really sorry to hear that Mr. Husband won’t be with you on Thursday. Is there a way you can schedule some time with him that day though, be it via skype or to talk on the phone? I know how important networking is, but this is important too.

    Thinking of you and hoping for very good news on Thursday!

  10. April 23, 2012

    That duck looks like it was flirting with you!

    I’m echoing the sentiments, and not to give false hope BUT – the cycle I got pregnant I was 100% sure I was NOT pregnant. I think I even wrote some angry posts about how I was sure it failed and my temps were bad and I had no symptoms, etc etc. (Also my husband was away on business when I tested, but he was only gone 2 days and one night, not really the same) So hang in there, the 2ww isn’t quite over yet!

  11. April 23, 2012

    Sending you and Pip a big hug! Nothing sucks worse than a TWW… Except maybe a TWW without your man there to attend to your every hormonal need;)
    For the next few days, do whatever makes you happy… And do not feel bad about it!!! All of these ladies seem to have encouraging words about not feeling pregnant not meaning a thing… So try to hang in there and love yourself… And that cute little smiling duck!!

  12. April 23, 2012

    I have no words….only hugs! I’m still hoping for good news for you!

  13. April 23, 2012

    Watching birds is surprisingly calming, there’s something special with them feather-friends. What a crap timing with your husband out of town, sending you hugs across the ocean.

  14. 35life #
    April 23, 2012

    Oh, my heart aches for you. This is so hard. Sending as many cyber-hugs as possible! I love that you’re still taking photographs and sharing them with us while we wait with you.

  15. EmHart #
    April 23, 2012

    I am sending hugs your way, I am terrible at being on my own so I can sympathies with you feeling lonely. Do you have lots of friends to fill your week with. I think that is what I would do. I love that duck, he has such a lovely smile on his face.

  16. April 23, 2012

    I think the duck is saying “Cheer up Belle! I’ll keep you company.”

    I had a terrible two week wait while on progesterone. It was almost as bad as the pre-transfer drugs. I’m sorry that you’re spending part of yours on your own, and I’m especially sorry that Mr. Husband won’t be home on the day of your beta. Life is throwing a lot your way right now, and feeling lonely and overwhelmed is okay, just know that you are strong, and you have a lot of women rooting for you. I am rooting for you.

  17. April 23, 2012

    Sending hugs to you! So hard to be alone for such a long time during such a trying period! Hang in there!! I’m hoping to hear about your BFP very soon!!!

  18. April 23, 2012

    The pictures are so lovely — I love that duck. I saw geese fly over this morning, squawking and making a fuss. In my imagination, I think that they were fussing about the unusually cool weather we’re having for the past few days.

    Progesterone sucks. It makes me feel awful and not pregnant and pregnant all at the same time. I hate that you’ll have to do your test without your DH, but at least it will happen very soon, yes?

    I have a good feeling for you!

  19. April 23, 2012

    Thinking of you, Belle. Nothin’ but hugs, darlin’!

  20. April 23, 2012

    Giving you a big Hug because I need one too! Sounds like we are in the same boat. My Hubby left at 4am for a week long business trip and I am waiting for AF. I have been crying over everything today. I hate being so alone. Wish I was there to hang with you and your birds and maybe have a second try at some yummy carrot cake. PS: I wouldn’t mind the RBF 🙂

  21. April 23, 2012

    I’m sorry that you will be alone for your beta- that just stinks! I, too, felt decidedly “unpregnant” when I cheated and took the first HPT. As a matter of fact, I still felt unpregnant when we went in for our first ultrasound. I hate the 2WW with a passion, but I hope that yours ends with a great beta number!

  22. April 25, 2012

    The duck………. all I could think was “aflac” ………… yep, that’s sad ….
    Hopping over from ICLW (#86)

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