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Ridiculous behavior

05/02/2012

Belle

50% of my day is spent with this shit-eating grin on my face because of Pip’s presence.

The other half is spent in an insane tizzy of Google searching, blog reading, beta comparing madness. I had so hoped that when my BFP came I could stop these obsessive tendencies, but it seems to just have increased it. This afternoon I had this whirl of doubt because, gasp, I’m feeling fine.

Off I went to the bathroom to POAS with highly diluted urine (I drank a can of La Croix like 60 minutes ago). Mid-stream it occurred to me that I am doing nothing but setting myself up for a major meltdown when my watery pee can only produce a faint positive. Stupid, stupid girl.

I hastily stuck the pee stick up my sleeve and rushed back to my office where I shoved it in my desk drawer, determined not to look at it. 10 minutes later I caved and opened the drawer and what do I see? Two beautiful dark pink lines.

When will I be confident in this? I can’t help but worry that seeing a heartbeat at 6 weeks won’t do anything to curb this ridiculous behavior. Any tips? I want to enjoy 100% of this time, instead I’m shoving pee-soaked sticks up the sleeve of my Nordstroms sweater!

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13 Comments

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  1. May 2, 2012

    Pfft. That’s not ridiculous behaviour. What is ridiculous is how neat your desk drawer is! Mine looks like something out of an episode of Hoarders. :S

    Seriously, though, I wish I had some advice for you. But I don’t. I know that if/when I get pregnant, I will be doing the exact same thing as you. Maybe just become mindful of the moments when you’re feeling worried/anxious, acknowledge them and take a few deep breaths. I don’t think it does any good to try to deny the feelings or change them, but maybe you can at least learn to manage them.

  2. May 2, 2012

    Just imagine Pip wisely saying “gosh mom, I’ll be *fine*, just leave me alone for a few minutes.” It seems that could be good practice anyway 🙂

    I don’t think the worries ever go away. We recently found out that all those years BG walked to elementary school on his own, his mother actually followed him in a car. (She is crazy though.)

  3. faith #
    May 2, 2012

    Maybe we are all a bit crazy with you..I was actually jealous that you didn’t include a picture of the “two beautiful dark pink lines!”

  4. May 2, 2012

    Haha I also thought your ridiculous behavior thing was in relation to your very organized desk. I didn’t even notice the peestick at first. 🙂

    I think it was Mo who said (to someone else, but I think about it) – in the first trimester, if there’s no blood, then you’re probably fine. Even if there is some blood a lot of people end up fine. But that helped me calm down, especially at first when the symptoms came and went. Once I started being nauseous 24/7 I no longer needed that kind of reassurance! LOL

  5. May 2, 2012

    You’ll calm down in a few days, I pee’d on several pee sticks days after the original “just to make sure!” And don’t worry about feeling fine, you’ll start to feel like crap around 6 weeks =)

    I know it doesn’t help everyone, but it helped me to think that even if something were to happen there was NOTHING I could do about it and that worrying about it DEFINITELY wasn’t going to change anything. You’ll get through it!!!

  6. Deborah #
    May 2, 2012

    Your behavior isn’t ridiculous at all. It’s just part of your excitement of being a Mom-to-be. I think if it helps to use the pregnancy tests, perhaps look at it more with excitement than worry and enjoy seeing the beautiful results.

  7. May 2, 2012

    I’m with you girl. I keep swinging between happy and excited to hopeless and full of anxiety. Such is the life of an IFer, right? I am fighting the urge to pee on more things until I get my u/s at 7 weeks. Seems like a loooooooong time to wait. Hang in there!

  8. May 2, 2012

    not at all ridiculous. i may be guilty of peeing on a few hpts even after my first ultrasound! those are beautiful lines! (and wow, a beautifully organized desk drawer!)

  9. May 2, 2012

    Um no, you are not crazy one bit. Do you not remember the pictures of my like 12 test all lines up and compared for line darkness. I was unstoppable. I still have my tests and enjoy looking at the lines, it’s a beautiful thing and it’s addicting. If you can resist the testing, good for you. If not, join the club 🙂 xoxo

  10. May 2, 2012

    I don’t think the insanity ever ends… 3 days ago my nausea got much better and I am left thinking Holy S***- what if the baby stopped growing? I can’t wait for my next doc appointment to confirm there is still someone growing inside me. I can’t imagine I will ever stop worrying… it will be better once the babe is in my arms… but then a whole new slew of worrying creeps in! I guess that is what they call being a mother (and especially a FIRST time mother).

  11. ess #
    May 3, 2012

    The test is a beautiful site! You’re honestly too cute. Is that a bingo dabber next to the test! lol

  12. AJ #
    May 4, 2012

    I was neurotic during my IVF cycle and I also thought that would decrease when I got pregnant, but it definitely just increased. I POAS everyday between my betas and my first ultrasound. Congrats again!!

  13. May 6, 2012

    Totally not ridiculous! I’m impressed that you remember to have pee sticks with you so you can test whenever you want. When I finally get my BFP I am going to pee on as many sticks as I want. Seeing those 2 lines will be amazing! Keep peeing if you want!

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