Today I am 6 weeks pregnant. Four more sleeps till my ultrasound. I’m beyond happy to be this far, and terrified by what could come.
Yesterday Ozi Frog pointed out that as members of the ALI community we learn too much. This, I think, is the dark side of our group. Not the tough decisions that come when it is time to change your blog from infertility to pregnancy/parenting; not the occasional times when a douche bag finds your blog and leaves a heartless comment; not the time that your good fortune brings sadness to another ALI member.
No, I believe the dark side of the ALI community is that during our fight we see so many others get shot down. I have seen babies lost at every stage of the game, even after viability is reached. I have seen babies born with terrible complications. I have seen women suffer through letting a baby go due to a rare and fatal complication.
I have slowly been sharing this blog with my fertile friends and, although they would never say this directly, they mention in passing that I should “buck up,” “be positive,” and, our favorite, “just relax.” I wish I could suck it up and spend every waking hour in pregnant bliss. Sadly, I just can’t. I know too much.
The price-tag for love and support from the ALI community is knowledge of the dangers that come with success.
If you are one of those people, shaking their head and thinking “tough love, Belle!” please be patient. I’ll come out of this funk in time. Pinky promise.
To all my readers who have been cheering me on despite these frightening ups and downs, thank you from the very bottom of my heart. I hope the next few weeks bring a flurry of positive posts from myself and you all.
That was a lot of heavy. Let’s move on to a less serious topic. This morning I took my first belly pictures but I’m not ready to share them. Not because I am afraid of jinxing it, but because I’m afraid that if this pregnancy does not stick I’ll have to choose a new font for the next belly pictures and, honestly, I am in love with the font I chose! It is perfect for a Belle pregnancy so to the readers nipping at my heels for belly photos, you are going to have to wait a wee bit longer! (Cousin, I’m talking to you!)
What I noticed while editing the photos is that my belly has not grown but my ass sure has. Is it possible to have an ectopic in your ass cheek? Perhaps twin ectopics with one embryo per cheek? The growth of my posterior is alarming as generous badunkadunks run in the family. (Please, if Pip is a girl, do not let her inherit the Badunkadunk! Let her get Mr. Husband’s negative ass.)
Fortunately, I have Summer Sanders. This is my first pregnancy purchase along with some resistance bands. It arrived Tuesday evening and I was super pumped to break it out Wednesday morning. Let’s just say that today, Thursday, getting on and off the toilet is a challenge. I am fiercely aware of my glutes and quads. If I can rock this video three times a week for the next 8 months I might end up delivering with a better bod then I started this pregnancy with!
I decided to weigh myself today and was shocked to see the number has not changed since that first very faint pee stick. I believe the only logical reason for this is that about the time the ass fat moved in, some brain cells took a hike. It seems my current pregnant state has left me rather dumb. I keep forgetting important things like paying invoices at work (I got a stern “talkin’ to” about this yesterday), picking up our produce from the CSA(tragic – no rainbow chard for me tonight), refilling the cats water fountain and burning out the motor (poor monsters) and even walking to work and having a sudden, irrational panic arise – “DO I HAVE PANTS ON?”
Seriously! I’m about 5 minutes into my 55 minute walk this morning, reflecting on how unusually cool it is when massive panic hits and I think, “Is it cold because I DON’T HAVE PANTS ON?!” I glanced down and of course I have pants on. Had I been walking down the road sans pants for five minutes I’m pretty sure at least one, if not 100, perverts would have honked at me.
Other than ass fat, general stupidity, dry eyes/thirst, and a tendency to cry at the drop of a hat, I am experiencing no other pregnancy symptoms. Come on nausea! I have my barf bag ready and waiting!
Now it is time to get some work done and follow-up with my vendors to make sure I have not missed any other invoices. May you all have a good day that is free of new ass fat and full of high-functioning brain cells.