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Signing Off

05/15/2012

Belle

Thank you all for the support yesterday. I read and absorbed every one of your comments and am trying so hard to focus on the fact that even if I could not see it, other people saw a heartbeat. The very depressing site Miscarriageassociation.org.uk says that I have lots of hope:

Research has shown that if you see a heartbeat at 6 weeks of pregnancy, the chances of the pregnancy continuing are 78%.

A heartbeat at 8 weeks increases the chance of a continuing pregnancy to 98% and at 10 weeks that goes up to 99.4%.

I have dug to hell-and-back trying to find science that says if your baby is measuring behind at 6 weeks the chance of miscarriage jumps xx% but I can’t. If you have found it, kindly keep it to yourself – I don’t want to know. I’m going to stick with the 78% statistic which is the best chance of pregnancy I have ever had.

I have been planning to spend the coming weekend in Birmingham with my girlfriends and their families. I miss these friends more than I can convey in a blog post – they have ALWAYS been there to pick me up when I fall. Last night I tried to catch one friend via Skype to cancel; I didn’t want to drive 6 hours just to cry in their houses. This morning my parents left, though, and all that is left are my cats. I think I need some humans.  So, assuming the ‘Bama ladies don’t mind a soggy Belle, I think I’m going to make the drive.

I also think I need to step away from blogging for a while. I feel so guilty doing this, but… the more I read about all these exciting BFPs and all these fabulous heartbeats and ultrasounds, the more I worry I am going to be that miscarriage statistic. I hate to write this, but we all know it, there have been to many positives. Statistically, someone will lose. Right now, it is taking every ounce of my being not to collapse under the weight of “It might be me.”

Until my next post, if you are interested in adopting sweet Small Fry, let me know. Otherwise, I’ll post again after the next ultrasound.

Signing off,
Belle

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7 Comments

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  1. May 15, 2012

    I’m glad you’re more hopeful today, and making plans to take care of yourself. Have fun with your friends this weekend, and enjoy some time away from the blog world. We’ll miss you, but we’ll be here when you get back. Take care Belle!

  2. May 15, 2012

    No worries honey, take all the time you need. After my second BFP after the miscarriage I couldn’t enter bloggerland because of the opposite reason, I was so scared of anyone having a miscarriage and me having to read about it. I totally understand the need to step away for a little while.

    It’s still REALLY early and one of the many many MANY reasons that I think early ultrasounds are the devil and should NEVER be done unless there is a reason, like a suspected ectopic. I hate them, hate them, hate them. If it helps I had an ultrasound THIS pregnancy at 6 weeks (because I thought it was ectopic) and I couldn’t see a heartbeat. Everyone told me the pregnancy looked fine and it was just really early but I still couldn’t see a heartbeat, even if it was there I didn’t see it. Freaked me the fuck out and made me hate early ultrasounds even more than I already did.

    Sending you lots of prayers over the next few weeks!

  3. EmHart #
    May 15, 2012

    You will be very much missed my dear, but I understand that some time to just live, and be, and grow your little Pip is needed. It can all get terribly obsessive can’t it. I hope Small Fry finds his home soon. Lots of love to you and Pip x x x

  4. May 15, 2012

    For what it’s worth I think this is a healthy move. Let your friends distract you as much as possible and take care of yourself. And come back when you are ready.

  5. May 15, 2012

    I’ll be thinking of you while you’re gone and waiting to welcome you back. I hope you’re able to relax a bit and spend some quality time with your friends.

  6. May 15, 2012

    Completely get where you’re coming from. Thinking of you and please know that if you need us, we’re here. So no guilt. Love and hugs to you.

  7. Deborah #
    May 16, 2012

    I’m glad you are doing what’s best for you. And also, have a wonderful time with your friends. Sending you hugs!

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