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I left work at 3 after my meeting and called Mr. Husband. He was furious that Dr. A would not work me in and promptly called the clinic. Within five minutes they called offering to see me immediately. Dr. A was patient and kind, which was much appreciated as I was a wreck. Pip was still there and was measuring 6 weeks 2 days. Yesterday he was 5 weeks 6 days. Dr. A explained that ultrasounds will vary like this. What made him happy was that Pip’s heart beat was a little faster than yesterday’s, just like it should have been. He didn’t see anything wonky that could have caused all the pain and bleeding. I was able to see the heartbeat today.

The pain was something I have not felt in a LONG time – this deep internal pain that took my breath away. It was low and far back and, initially, I thought it was my anal fissure opening up again. Yes, I’m 31 and have a history of anal fissures, no I don’t enjoy butt sex, I’m just lucky. This morning I had a big glob of yellowish mucus with brown specks in it. I have seen things like this come from both my vagina and my bum before. Based on the low, deep pains, I assumed it was bum related.

But then around 10 a.m. I had a red spot that came from my lady parts, not my rump. I continued to monitor the TP, wiping pre pee and post, one wipe in front, one in back, and monitoring what came from where. THis afternoon I went and pre wiped, nothing, then urinated and found blood in the toilet. When I wiped it was in the front and back. I put a new liner in my panties and waited, checked and the blood was 100% front.

Do you see how complicated this is? The only thing worse than infertility is infertility with a history of rectal bleeding. I’m such a delightful woman.

So after confirming the red blood was from the front I melted down and had ugly cry #1. Went to my staff meeting and kept my eyes down till it was over. As I was leaving my boss asked what was wrong and I lost it again. Ugly Cry #2. Headed to get my stuff and was stopped by a concerned coworker – ugly cry #3. I went outside, called Mr. Husband – ugly cry #4.

Dr. A said that 70% of his patients spot, and when you spot you often have cramping. No one understands why IVF pregnancies spot so much more than regular pregnancies. He said if my body is trying to miscarry there is nothing we can do, which I knew. He said to rest this week, don’t lift anything more than 10 pounds (sorry Yum Yum kitty, you are a 12 pounder) and no sex, which is not a problem because my husband is out-of-town… still.

I feel better having seen Pip. I am still scared and will continue to monitor the TP and take it easy. If the big, bad, ass pains continue then I will call Dr. Small Hands, my proctologist who, thankfully, has small hands – a trait I have learned is critical when it comes to butt doctors. I wonder if having a fissure or internal hemorrhoid could put pressure and/or strain and cause bleeding/sporting from both areas? It’s a long stretch, but blaming it on my butt problems makes me feel better.

I am home now, hanging out with Small Fry. I ate an entire chocolate bar, which is sooooo bad for me but I really needed the cheer-up. I’m going to make flatbread pizza for dinner with vegan cheese, fancy olives and artichokes and then I’m going to go to bed early and hope that tomorrow brings better things and no more bleeding and pain.

Thank you for all your prayers and good thoughts. This is an amazing community that makes even the husband-less girl stuck in the middle of Kentucky feel less alone. xoxo

I’ll leave you with this video of Small Fry. I so wish I could keep him, but all my Large Fries object.




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  1. May 15, 2012

    Thank you for the update. I’m SO glad that your husband flipped out on the clinic and got you in. And I’m even more thankful that Pip’s heart is beating strong.

    Hang in there, Mama. We’re all pulling for you and Pip.


  2. Pcosbarrenness #
    May 15, 2012

    So happy everything looked good! You are in my prayers! Small fry is adorable!

  3. May 15, 2012

    Thank you thank you thank you for the prompt update!!! I’ve been thinking about you constantly and am SO happy to hear that Pip is measuring further along and that you got to see the heartbeat!!! Spotting is VERY normal in early pregnancy so hold on to that fact and hope like hell that you can blame your bum for the pain. You pain sounds pretty severe but I just wanted you to know that I have had pretty bad cramps my entire pregnancy so far. Especially in the beginning they were terrible, I was sure the period from HELL was on it’s way everyday. But I’m still hanging in there. I hope this turns out to be nothing and that Pip thrives. I love you oodles and my heart is with you. Enjoy some yummy food and kitty snuggles tonight and get some sleep. Tomorrow…. NO MORE BLOOD!

  4. May 15, 2012

    Go Mr. Husband!!! I’ve been so worried (and crying my own tears) since seeing your post. The update has helped calm me down, but I’m still praying. Please take good care of yourself and Pip. Love and hugs, Lady.

  5. May 15, 2012

    Oh thank goodness!! This is good news. I was panicking for you!

  6. Mo #
    May 15, 2012

    oh what a relief!
    It’s true, a lot of people spot during perfectly healthy pregnancies. Take it easy and be good to yourself!

  7. Buttermilk #
    May 15, 2012

    I am so relieved for you. Hang in there, Pip!

  8. May 15, 2012

    I also experienced spotting this week.. so I’m totally feeling you right now. I’m glad you were able to get in to see the doctor so quickly and were able to have an u/s. This is good news. Keeping you in my thoughts. ps – totally just ate some comfort food too!

  9. May 15, 2012

    Thank you for the update! I have been reading your posts all day, but this is the first I am able to comment. I have been freaking out and praying so hard for you and Pip! I was gonna tell you to call your office and if you didn’t want to I was going to and give them a piece of my mind! Go Mr Husband for getting you in.
    I am so glad you got to see Pip’s little heart beating away and glad to see the measurements are better. I hope you don’t have any more pain and bleeding. I will be thinking about you and praying.
    I wish I could adopt Small Fry, unfortunately Purcey does not get along with any other animals.
    I hope you have a good night!

  10. Anna #
    May 15, 2012

    I’m a pleased you got in and were able to see Pip’s heartbeat. I’m not going to say try not to worry because you wouldn’t be human if that were possible. I’ll keep thinking positive thoughts and send extra sticky vibes your way. The bottom talk is all normal for me now as one of my 7 month old Ivf twins was born with an imperforate anus, had an operation to have a colostomy at 4 days old and we are still goo g with the bottom things. It’s all second nature to me!
    I’ll be thinking of you in a non creepy way! X

  11. May 15, 2012

    SO glad you got in. I’ve been frantically checking for an update. This is one of the scariest things you can go through, all you can do is try to relax and hold on hope that Pip is nice and snug. Like your doctor said, spotting is not uncommon. Sending lots of love your way!

  12. May 15, 2012

    Thank god! Thank you for updating us! Rest up and take it easy! And yay for husband strong arming that dr! I still can’t fucking believe they told you Monday!!!

  13. May 15, 2012

    Oh, thank goodness you got in and saw that hearbeat. Hang in there, Pip! And Belle, you just take it easy, hang out with Small Fry, and take it one day at a time.

  14. May 15, 2012

    Go Pip go!!! I had spotting around 5-6 weeks too and totally freaked out. It is SO normal to feel nervous when that happens, but is so common. I am so glad you were able to get into your doctor and see sweet Pip & his/her heartbeat pumping away! 🙂

  15. tchrgrl05 #
    May 15, 2012

    So glad that you got in for some reassurance. Praying for you.

  16. May 15, 2012

    Hey there Belle. Big hugs. Scary times. Ditch work if you can & just lay down lots. NOTHING is more important. Just down tools. And I know you need company, but please don’t get in a car & drive six hours. Being in the car puts your body under stress, esp a long drive. Our early pregnancy clinic brochure recommended nothing over 2 hrs. Just rest. I had spotting, and I am sure that us being on holidays helped slow it down. The pain in early pregnancy is surprising…but for me, my ovaries were still enlarged from ivf at the TWELVE week scan, so there’s more bits fighting for space in there. I had weird pains & discomfort for WEEKS. You can do this. You will find a way through. I am glad you saw the doctor , and see how quickly a problem (like being behind on growth) can change?
    Whatever happens, and I know right now it feels so uncertain, you will be ok. What an amazing place you’ve got to. Pregnant. You are still pregnant. Just remember me… Spotting, sure it was all over. Later Bleeding through five bath towels in 15 minutes at 10 weeks, doing that 5 times over, and here I am lying in bed being booted by our boy at 26 weeks. If I can make it Belle, in the face of the odds, ANYTHING is possible. ANYTHING. all it has to be is not IMpossible. Be kind to you . X

  17. AMommyWhoCanRelate #
    May 15, 2012

    I don’t know you, and haven’t been following your blog, but jumped over from waitingforlittlefeet just to offer some good thoughts. Having cruised through your last few blog posts, I wanted to offer a little more than that. I had an ultrasound at roughly 5w5d because of bleeding. My LO only measured 4w5d, and we didn’t see a heartbeat. At 7w0d, we had a heartbeat AND the growth had caught up perfectly. I was still bleeding. After a couple more days, that stopped only to return at 8 weeks. And at 12. And again around 24. She’s two now. They were never able to determine the cause of the bleeding, but know this: It’s WAY more common than anyone would think. It’s not always a bad sign. And a heartbeat is ALWAYS a good sign. Hang in there, and take it easy. I’ll be thinking good thoughts for you!

  18. May 15, 2012

    I just caught up on your blog. rest easy and take care! I am sending all the good energy and prayers I have for your little Pip.

  19. May 15, 2012

    I wish I could come over and just hang out with you tonight! You really need it!

    That is great that Pip is bigger than yesterday and that you got to see the heartbeat. That has to be a really good sign.

    I love the undertone of humor within your post about the rectal issues, etc. After all that crying, you have to find something…

    I hope tomorrow is a better day!

  20. May 15, 2012

    I know there is nothing we can really say that will make you feel better, but please know that we are all hoping and praying for you.

  21. May 15, 2012

    Hugs Belle- and smiles for a better ultrasound today. I know the spotting must be agonizing.. please know that I am thinking of you. xo

  22. May 16, 2012

    Oh, Belle: what a roller coaster. You have a huge, extravagant Southern-style marching band (picture: Auburn!) cheering for you. We’re all behind you. (((hugs)))

  23. EmHart #
    May 16, 2012

    That was a good post to wake up to this morning. I am so glad your lovely man kicked up a stink and got you in. Will be thinking of you today.

  24. May 16, 2012

    So glad all is looking good! And that kitten just stole my heart, what a cutie.

  25. May 16, 2012

    Big hugs to you – sending lots of good energies to you and Pip. I’m so happy to hear that everything is looking good with your pregnancy. Thank goodness you got a scan and saw a heartbeat! It’s very strange with this phenomenon of IVF and spotting – I had it too. Although not as bad pains as you describe. Hang in there and rest!!! xxx

  26. May 16, 2012

    Belle, there are no words that will completely soothe this situation, but I have been thinking about you, and I know that all of us are pulling for you and Pip. You have a huge virtual community of women who are rallying! So happy that you got in to see the doc. Damn doctors and their shitty protocols! Very glad a stink was raised about that nonsense. Big hugs.

  27. jak #
    May 16, 2012

    keep on rockin’, pip!! tell your ma to take it easy and be good to herself:)

  28. Kat #
    May 16, 2012

    So glad to hear things are looking OK. Hearing the heartbeat is huge. You and pip and your awesome husband are in my prayers.

  29. May 16, 2012

    Hurrah for Mr. Husband and fingers super crossed for Pip. Rest up! x

  30. May 16, 2012

    How are you feeling? I hope you had a better day today. Maybe one still with chocolate though 🙂

    I am so relieved that everything ended up okay, but boy do I wish you could get off this roller coaster! I hope you have a fabulous weekend, full of fun, friend and free from worry. Take care!

  31. May 16, 2012

    I’m so glad Pip seems to be ok. Take it easy and keep us posted on your butt!

  32. Aplatanada #
    May 16, 2012

    This might be a really weird way to come out of lurking on your blog, but I totally have the anal fissure thing and frankly never know if I am cramping or having butt problems. (Hello, stranger overshare.) As painful as I know the feeling of pooing glass is, i’m sure it’s nothing compared with the pain and worry you are going through now with this uncertainty. Sending good thoughts your way.

    • May 18, 2012

      I have never been happier to receive a TMI comment! While I’m sad you also have butt problems of this magnitude, I am REALLY relieved that I’m not alone 🙂

  33. May 17, 2012

    I never thought I would leave a comment like this but… I hope it’s all in your butt, not your vag! But seriously, thank goodness. I’ll keep thinking of you and sending good thoughts your (and Pip’s) way!

  34. May 17, 2012

    Yay for the heartbeat!! Take care of yourself xxx

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