Sorbetto Top & Taking Back My Life (one pair of undies at a time)
I have been in dire need of new bras and undies for months. Actually, I needed new bras last year but didn’t want to drop all the cash because “I’ll be pregnant soon.” HA! The joke is on me, I guess.
I have also refused to buy new jeans even though mine are now way too small. Determined to either get pregnant or lose the 10 pounds IVF put on me *, I have continued to cram myself into skinny jeans and then hate myself. My mornings were constantly rushed due to the 20 minutes I would spend cursing my reflection. “Damn her, can’t she get her act and ovaries together?” The constant self belittling was not getting me anywhere. I am still squishy, my jeans are still too small, my undies are still falling apart and my sanity is wearing thin.
Mr. Husband was out-of-town again this weekend so I packed up my pride and ventured to the mall. The mall on Saturday afternoon is a dangerous place for an infertile – tons of babies and bellies wandering around looking happy and complete. Then there was me – the bitter infertile in way too tight jeans, swearing under her breath as she dodged yet another stroller.
Two hours later I emerged victorious – 5 new bras, a new pair of jeans, 15 pairs of panties and a bonus pair of super soft PJs. NICE undies and bras, too. ** I’m tired of buying cheapies from Target “to bridge the gap” between infertility and pregnancy. This body, squishy or not, deserves to be clad in the finest push-up bras and seamless thongs. Period.
After my shopping spree I went home and cut out a Sorbetto Top by Colette Patterns. I’ve had this pattern in my file for months now, but had refused to make it since it is not baby-bump friendly. “You know what? Fuck it,” I decided as I cut into my new Swiss dot fabric. There is no reason I should walk around looking like I am expecting. There is no reason I should be living my life as if I’ll be pregnant any day now. You know why? Because I won’t be.
I need to accept this and find a way to live my life for today, not for what I want tomorrow to bring. There is no promise, no guarantee, that tomorrow will deliver my perfect pregnancy. We are all WELL aware that it will be at least 3 months until I start my next transfer. Further more, I have learned that just because an embryo goes in, does not mean a take-home baby will come out. Why on earth am I torturing myself?
It’s liberating to know I’m at least trying to take back my life. Infertility has robbed me of a year and a half and left me with very little in return. I have turned down vacations and adventures, great deals on hot jeans, romantic times with my husband, fancy wines and gourmet coffee all in the hopes of bringing home a baby. It is high time I wake up, smell the caffeinated coffee and take back my life.
The Sorbetto is a really simple top with tons of potential for variation. I have quite a few readers who have expressed a desire to try their hand at a garment. This is a great place to start. Added bonus – the pattern is a free download!
I spent a lot of time on this piece, making sure every stitch was perfect. I used French seams in it to hide the raw fabric edges. I made my own bias tape out of scraps of fabric. I set my machine on slow to do the hem in order to make it perfect. I’m super happy with the end result. The top looks cute with jeans and I think will pair very nicely with a high-waisted gray skirt that is on my sewing to-do list.
*I realize I am in no way over weight. Two years ago I was in the best shape of my life: lean and able to bench 50 pounds. I miss my strength, my muscle tone and my ability to haul big heavy bags of mulch and dirt. I also miss my designer jeans and hate that so much money is sitting unloved in my closet.
** I did go cheap on the jeans, though. Half price at Express just seemed a better idea than the full priced AG’s I have been drooling over.