That is how many days have passed since my D&C. 49 days and not a single freaking spot. No uterine rumblings of a period to come. No ovarian twinges with the promise of ovulation. Everything below my belly button just feels dead – digestive track included. *** “Who needs to poop?” yell my intestines. “Surely you don’t expect to poop? NO POOP FOR YOU!”
I knew this would happen. I will not have a cycle again without medical intervention. The box of Instead Cups mocks me – there will be nary an ovulation nor a period till synthetic progesterone do come. Woe is me, sitting here sad, constipated and numb from it all.
I believe I have had fewer than 10 spontaneous cycles in my life. When I was young I thought this was the best damned thing ever. I could wear white linen pants anytime. I was never bloated. I had no idea what a cramp was. Life was good, constipated, but good.
I was horrified when I went on birth control to protect against pregnancy (hahahahahaha) and realized that I would have a monthly period. So I tampered with it. I would take four, sometimes five, packs straight through, only breaking for a cycle when my uterus demanded a cleaning. The only good thing to come from the pill was a slight regulation in pooping, although I still did not poop quite as regularly as most.
Today I would give large sums of money for a spontaneous period. I might even give up some shoes or forgo expensive hair cuts or, and this is huge, give up cookies FOREVER. But my uterus is not one to be bargained with so I’ll continue to ingest more Colace than you thought possible, check my panties regularly and pray.
*** An interesting over-share about Belle – She only poops like a normal human when her body actually contains hormones, which is only when science comes to visit.