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That is how many days have passed since my D&C. 49 days and not a single freaking spot. No uterine rumblings of a period to come. No ovarian twinges with the promise of ovulation. Everything below my belly button just feels dead – digestive track included. ***  “Who needs to poop?” yell my intestines. “Surely you don’t expect to poop? NO POOP FOR YOU!”

I knew this would happen. I will not have a cycle again without medical intervention. The box of Instead Cups mocks me – there will be nary an ovulation nor a period till synthetic progesterone do come. Woe is me, sitting here sad, constipated and numb from it all.

I believe I have had fewer than 10 spontaneous cycles in my life. When I was young I thought this was the best damned thing ever. I could wear white linen pants anytime. I was never bloated. I had no idea what a cramp was. Life was good, constipated, but good.

I was horrified when I went on birth control to protect against pregnancy (hahahahahaha) and realized that I would have a monthly period. So I tampered with it. I would take four, sometimes five, packs straight through, only breaking for a cycle when my uterus demanded a cleaning. The only good thing to come from the pill was a slight regulation in pooping, although I still did not poop quite as regularly as most.

Today I would give large sums of money for a spontaneous period. I might even give up some shoes or forgo expensive hair cuts or, and this is huge, give up cookies FOREVER. But my uterus is not one to be bargained with so I’ll continue to ingest more Colace than you thought possible, check my panties regularly and pray.

*** An interesting over-share about Belle – She only poops like a normal human when her body actually contains hormones, which is only when science comes to visit.



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  1. July 11, 2012

    Girlfriend…do I know the feeling. I still (STILL) after 10 months of absolutely NOTHING going on w/ ovulation or a cycle, still can’t quite believe that my only way out of this hell hole is through a medically induced period. Although Hubs and I are still “taking a break”, I have absolutely no worries that we’ll have an “oops” pregnancy to worry about. Yesterday my violin teacher had to sit down for a moment during our lesson. “Cramps”, she said, with a pained smile/ glimmer in her eye like, “oh, those darned cramps, I’m sure you know about these.” I wanted to bitch slap her. And my violin teacher is a very lovely woman.

  2. July 11, 2012

    Yeah I think in high school I probably had 6 periods. Some of them were really, really bad, though, in terms of the cramps and digestive response (diarrhea and menstruating is a pretty disgusting mix). Sometimes they would rev up for days before I would actually start spotting, and since it had been months (or over a year) since my last period I had no idea what was going on and thought I was deathly ill.

  3. July 11, 2012

    Ugh. That just sucks. I’m so sorry Belle.

  4. July 11, 2012

    Oh, Sweetie, that sucks! I don’t think I’ve ever paid attention to whether I’ve pooped regularly or not while on bcp. All I remember of those times were horrible cramps, extreme moodiness, and migraine headaches. I too, have never really had a spontanious cycle either, without help. I was taking this stuff called “Fertilaid” just so that I would get a period. However, since I’m the worst pill taker in history (if you can’t remember to take a pill 3x a day, so you can get your period, it aint gonna work).
    For the last three months I started trying this other stuff “Wild Yam Gel” from Within two weeks of using it, I got my period. I was advised to use it three weeks on, and one week off to regulate my cycles. So far I’ve had three periods.
    I hope your period comes soon and that you are able to have a good poo.

  5. July 11, 2012

    Belle, I can totally commiserate in regards to the pooping. In fact, the only time I’ve ever pooped normal in my life was when I was pregnant. Impending baby aside, it was the absolute most amazing aspect of being pregnant. Oh, to dream…

  6. July 11, 2012

    Thank Goodness SOMEONE out there knows what constipation really is!!!! I have been plague by the pooplessness for as long as I can remember!:)

  7. jak #
    July 11, 2012

    dear poopless in kentucky,

    that’s interesting about hormones = poo, but i believe it from another perspective (and another commentor’s perspective). when i get my period (which is always a huge clotty, scary, painful mess, and i dont have endometriosis), i always shit my brains out. it’s quite a party. i even get chills and sweats like someone with food poisoning. one time in college, i was getting plates for my car at the dmv on the first day of AF and some nice ladies noticed that i was about to pass out from pain and escorted me to the bathroom, then called an ambulance. docs couldnt find anything wrong with me. diagnosis: period and concomitant shits. i gotta pubmed this…

    good luck bringing on AF. and i’m routing for you to poo!

  8. July 11, 2012

    Oh, I’m right there with you on the period thing. And the stacking BCP thing. ‘Normal’ women’s bodies seriously do that every month on their own? Weird.

    I hope you get some rumbles soon.

  9. July 12, 2012

    Had to laugh hard at the “NO POOP FOR YOU!” Been dealing with that since I was a toddler. I was the child who instead of juice I drank the orange metimucil and instead of real cookies I got the metimucil fiber cookies and after all that with no luck I regularly got enemas. Thank goodness my body decided to change a little bit 4 years ago. Still not regular though.

    I hope your body cooperates soon.

  10. July 12, 2012

    Uuuggghhh. Where are you little eggs? Where are you poop? Don’t you know that you are making Belle very uncomfortable?

    So, whenever you talk about ‘normal person’ poop, I wonder what that is…every day? every other? I tend to get very constipated too. My mission as of late is to eat as much fresh fruit as possible. Try eating more watermelon than you think can fit in your belly. It could help.

    I hope your belly feels better soon!

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