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A day in my life: Embarrassed

08/03/2012

Belle

I see London, I see France …I hate it when the doctor sees my underpants.

I go to great lengths when at the RE’s office, or any doctor for that matter, to hide my unmentionables by carefully shoving them under the rest of my clothing.

Unfortunately, I occasionally forget to hide them and do not realize until I’m perched on the exam table with every inch of offensive ass and thigh skin tucked under the paper sheet.

BAM! UNDERPANTS front-and-center for all to see.

Shit. Exactly how long it has been since the nurse left? Is there enough time to hide the underpants and still return to the table and cover all offensive ass and thigh?

What if the doctor comes in while I’m hiding the undies and catches me standing there with my bare ass hanging out for all the world to see?

I could wrap the paper sheet around myself and avoid the possibility of  a full moon, but then I’d have to make back on the table without ripping the paper sheet. Why can’t they make a more durable paper sheet???

By about this time my palms are sweaty and I’m blushing 50 Shades of Embarrassed, all while my underpants are mocking me from the chair.

“It’s just too risky,” I mutter under my breath.

And then the RE walks in.

“Hi Belle, let’s see how those giant bags of trash ovaries are doing today.”

I lay back, scootch my bum to the edge of the table and hoist my feet into the stirrups while the doctor squirts an obscene amount of lube on the ultrasound wand. I try to focus on the task at hand (relaxing so the ultrasound is quick and minimally uncomfortable) but all I can do is obsess over the terribly embarrassing underpants that are sitting directly in his line of vision.

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11 Comments

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  1. August 3, 2012

    Yes, been there! Too funny. A Little Pregnant had a funny panty origami post some time back but I can’t find it. The comment string on this is funny: http://www.alittlepregnant.com/alittlepregnant/2004/03/i_do_but_i_coul.html

    Also, you are way better at Paint (did you use Paint) than I! I was just about to publish a Paint post.

  2. August 3, 2012

    bwahahahaha – fantastic. And, unfortunately, completely true to reality!

  3. August 3, 2012

    Dude! He’s got an ultrasound wand shoved up your hoo-ha…. yet you’re worried about the (undoubtedly fashionable and pretty) panties?! Funny girl!

  4. August 3, 2012

    WHOOPsie!
    Thanks for a good laugh. :))

  5. August 3, 2012

    Ha! I have so been there.

  6. lrm1102 #
    August 3, 2012

    LOL! I have been there too! Thank you for bringing a smile to my face tonight as I recall those times! = )

  7. August 4, 2012

    LOL! I have totally been there. I actually don’t care anymore though. They are seeing my giant ass in person so who cares about the giant panties to cover it. I read this on my phone while out with a friend and I laughed so hard I snorted which got a wonderful look from my friend.

  8. August 4, 2012

    LOL! I do the same thing 🙂

  9. August 5, 2012

    I totally can relate! I love this post!

  10. August 6, 2012

    I also for some reason hate when doctors see my underwear. Bizarre because they see my lady parts, which is what the underwear covers. But GD FORBID they see my undies!

  11. September 27, 2012

    Oh my goodness, who of us ladies can say they’ve never been in the “underpants” situation? For me it’s not just the underpants. It’s also the bra. Every year it makes an appearance when I have to do the dreaded mammogram. Methinks that it thinks it’s being supportive by peaking out. It’s not. As for the underpants, I’m currently on the quest to find a comfortable, not too geriatric looking, 100 percent cotton pair. Sigh. Funny post! 🙂

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