Warning: In this post I will discuss periods and all the yucky details that go with them.
Last year I discovered Instead Cups. Despite the daunting size and the way it crinkled when squeezed, I adored them. Instead Cups gave me 12 blissful hours of comfortable and secure period protection. Or so I thought. It turns out that Instead Cups are great for light flow days and spotting. They are not so great for massive deluges.
Sunday was CD 1 and with it came the most intense period I have had in YEARS. Seriously. I don’t have periods on my own. Birth control periods are more like a two day period sneeze. Periods after my IUIs were always bizarrely light. The period after my IVF egg retrieval was pretty minimal because we had not been working to grow a perfect lining, just a couple dozen eggs*. My first FET resulted in a BFP and then lead to a miscarriage and D&C where they sucked out all the contents of my little uterus resulting in another two-day sneezer period 10 weeks later.
This cycle, the one following a failed FET with a rock-star lining, has been crazy! And it is still going. Today is CD 5 and I’m still bleeding, albeit not a ton. No worries, I thought, I have plenty of Instead Cups to save the day. So Monday morning I popped one in and then finished getting ready for my day. While applying mascara I sneezed, smearing the black goop on my nose and… holy hell what is that feeling?
Spilling the contents of my Instead Cup into my pretty new panties that I had forgotten to protect with a liner. So. Deeply. Disturbing.
I readjusted my “drip tray” (my nickname for the cups) and finished getting ready. Then I drove 90 minutes to Louisville for a video shoot. I stopped before getting to my destination to grab a cup of coffee and use the restroom – things were feeling urgent. The coffee shop was super cute and had a one-person-at-a-time restroom that was positioned smack in front of the counter so everyone saw who entered and exited the bathroom.
I went to remove the drip tray and thought to myself, “Self, don’t drop this mother fucker in the public toilet.” As I pulled it spilled all over my hand and I recoiled in horror and *plunk* dropped the damn thing into the toilet. Fuck.
I cleaned my hand up and then stood over the toilet to assess the damage. I could try flushing it… but that would run a serious risk of clogging the one potty and everyone would know who the culprit was. I couldn’t just leave it there but that is disgusting and while I might be messy, I’m not disgusting. I had to pull it out. Of a public toilet.
Have I mentioned that I have some germ issues?
Luckily this bathroom offered actual paper towels instead of just a hand dryer. Armed with a HUGE wad of brown paper towels I held my breath and fished the damn drip tray out. Then I washed. Obsessively. I stared at the fresh Instead Cup and decided it was time to part ways, at least for this epic cycle. Hello old friend OB. I trust you to protect me and my panties and, for the love of God, don’t ever send me diving into a public toilet.
* For new readers: I did not do a fresh cycle due to my risk of OHSS. Instead we used an egg donor protocol, harvested 27 eggs, grew and froze 6 blastocysts and then I did FETs.