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Once upon a time there was a lovely lady named Belle. Belle used to be an interesting person with lots of interesting things to write about. Then one day a brave and smart doctor flawlessly transferred two “good looking” embryos to her uterus and the lovely Belle turned into a raving lunatic who could only focus on her womb. What resulted were DAYS of boring blog posts and obsessive symptom spotting.

I am trying desperately not to symptom spot. There would be no symptoms at this point even if something good was happening. Reasonable Belle knows the slight cramping and the pain in her inner right hip area is 100% due to progesterone building up in her system and to the fact that said progesterone has to be INJECTED INTO HER BUTT.

Irrational Belle is convinced that is the beginning of Baybee Belle. Ridiculous.

2dp5dt: Symptom Spotting

  • Slight cramping in general uterus area. Could be implantation.  Most likely side effect of PIO shots OR upset intestines after a long weekend of over eating followed by several days of overzealous pooping.
  • Bloated. OMG BAYBEE!!!!! Obviously PIO but in my mind it is 100% due to at least one embryo moving in.
  • Super tired in the evenings. I’m totally just run down because I’m too old for crazy weekends like last weekend.
  • Little indigested. Ok, Belle, you are always a little indigested. Give it up already.
  • Craving vegan chili and toast. Um, also, you always crave vegan chili and toast. Seriously, until you crave a big rare burger (gross) on white bread (gross) with mayo (really gross) you are not having pregnancy cravings 🙂

Walk To Remember

This Sunday there is a Walk to Remember for women and families who have lost a baby due to miscarriage or stillbirth. My therapist suggested I go as a way to find more closure. I like the idea of taking an hour to recognize my baby, Pip, but I’m so scared it will in some way jinx this transfer. Which is absolutely ridiculous but… you know… infertility makes us HIGHLY ridiculous.

What do you think? Good idea or bad idea?





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  1. October 12, 2012

    I think you should go, unless it really terrifies you. It sounds like a great event to do some major healing and i wish there was something like that in my area. But if it’s too much while you’re there, you can leave. I completely understand being scared of jinxing yourself-even though it doesn’t really work That way lol! Hugs sweetie!

  2. whatrhymeswithinfertile #
    October 12, 2012

    Do it! I think it will make you feel good, and get more positive energy in your body for that attaching embryo!
    Also, I have very similar symptoms EVERY month, whether I have done an IF treatment or not. When will we give it up already?
    By the way – this is Amanda (dreamscape11) – I have started a blog! Ahhh…it’s terrible so far so don’t go looking. 🙂

  3. Vanessa #
    October 12, 2012

    This may sound like a dumb question, but how long is the Walk to Remember? You definitely want to take it easy over the next few days, exercise-wise, and focus on positive things and being optimistic. Then again, you should never feel like you can’t take time to remember Pip. Hard decision… I agree with storkchaser — maybe go, see what the overall mood is like, and follow your gut (or womb)!

  4. October 12, 2012

    My vote is go for it! Honoring Pip will not in any way affect the outcome of this cycle (though I totally get your fear – I think infertility tends to make us all totally irrational. I’ve caught myself worried that thinking about miscarrying might cause it to happen. Sheesh)

  5. SRB #
    October 12, 2012

    I think that if you think it might help, even just to go, see it, and then leave – you should go. Slow and steady.

    And, I totally feel you on “OMG! Is this a pg symptom???” it is hard to think about anything else when you can’t think about ANYTHING else!!! Eat all the chili you want, is what I’m saying. 🙂

  6. October 12, 2012

    It sounds to me like you want to go. 🙂

  7. jak #
    October 12, 2012

    awwwwwww, gahd!!!! greasy meat on white bread with mayonnaise, hahahahaha!!!!!!!! nasty.

    here’s hoping your baybee belles stick and that when they do, you still crave decent food and not garbage.

  8. October 12, 2012

    I think it’s perfectly rational to be allowing yourself to symptom spot and pee on things. The restraint can sometimes drive one crazy. I am really pulling for you, after all…both embies survives the thaw. That is a feat in itself that they are strong.

    I think you should go on the walk. I am participating myself (are you in the Seattle area?). I think you should be just fine by then to honor your pip.

  9. October 13, 2012

    I say give the walk a go!

    The positive energy could be a great mood booster 🙂

    I’ll be cycling again in January. I almost forgot how crazy the 2ww is…. almost.

  10. October 13, 2012

    Ok. So. First up, Go Pip! I think you should get up, get out, and walk. It’s good for you, it’s good for Pip, and it’s good exercise for your two little frosties. Second up: Puh-lease don’t apologize for symptom spotting like a maniac! I was doing the exact same thing last week. It’s impossible not to. We all want to hear how it’s going, and how the pee is flowing on all the things.

  11. October 14, 2012

    Walking makes us feel better… always. If you start to feel tired or too anxious, then you can stop. Doing something to honor Pip is a great idea…and his new siblings will surely be happy to be along for the ride.
    Symptom spotting is a totally normal, but crazy-making pastime for the TWW, is it not?! No apologies necessary. Try to balance each positive thought with a light-hearted “maybe” and each negative one with a firm “maybe not!” And be as good to yourself as you can. You are in so many thoughts, prayers, and hearts right now. And we all care and want to know where you are and how you are feeling! Hang in there, Belle. Keep sending the love and positive thoughts to your two little ones. And we’ll be sending them to all of you!

  12. Leah #
    October 14, 2012

    The walk sounds like a beautiful idea.

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