I am in conferences today and tomorrow. Two days of conference food (which I cannot eat). Two days of sitting packed like sardines in a freezing room. Two days of office gossip in the bathroom. It’s very tiring and means I’ll have very little blog reading and posting time.
Also tiring are the emotional ups and downs of pregnancy after infertility and loss.
My nausea seems to have taken a hike last night. I felt a tiny bit yucky right before lunch today but nothing like the past week. My boobs have never really hurt, but they were a little tender. Not tender today. Of course all this makes me freak out. I have three brown spotting incidents yesterday after the ultrasound. No red blood but still – anything that is not clear and originates from my nether regions will scare the bejesus out of me.
I’m trying to focus on the fact that symptoms come and go in the first trimester and that yesterdays ultrasound showed a beautiful little chicken with a heart pumping away. I still worry, though. I still have flash forwards of terrible things.
My next appointment is Wednesday, Nov. 21 at 3:45 p.m. Immediately afterwards we’ll pick my brother and sister-in-law up from the Cinci airport and then drive back to KY where my parents will already be at my house tormenting our cats and eagerly waiting to harass me. Please, please, please let this be my take home baby. Let that ultrasound show wonderful, amazing things so I can share the good news over Thanksgiving dinner. Please let me have something bright to tell my father, who just had another large skin cancer removed from his nose. Please let this baby stay.