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Two days of conferences = sparse posting

11/14/2012

Belle

I am in conferences today and tomorrow. Two days of conference food (which I cannot eat). Two days of sitting packed like sardines in a freezing room. Two days of office gossip in the bathroom. It’s very tiring and means I’ll have very little blog reading and posting time.

Also tiring are the emotional ups and downs of pregnancy after infertility and loss.

My nausea seems to have taken a hike last night. I felt a tiny bit yucky right before lunch today but nothing like the past week. My boobs have never really hurt, but they were a little tender. Not tender today.  Of course all this makes me freak out. I have three brown spotting incidents yesterday after the ultrasound. No red blood but still – anything that is not clear and originates from my nether regions will scare the bejesus out of me.

I’m trying to focus on the fact that symptoms come and go in the first trimester and that yesterdays ultrasound showed a beautiful little chicken with a heart pumping away. I still worry, though. I still have flash forwards of terrible things.

My next appointment is Wednesday, Nov. 21 at 3:45 p.m. Immediately afterwards we’ll pick my brother and sister-in-law up from the Cinci airport and then drive back to KY where my parents will already be at my house tormenting our cats and eagerly waiting to harass me. Please, please, please let this be my take home baby. Let that ultrasound show wonderful, amazing things so I can share the good news over Thanksgiving dinner. Please let me have something bright to tell my father, who just had another large skin cancer removed from his nose. Please let this baby stay.

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14 Comments

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  1. November 14, 2012

    i’ve been where you are, and i know how terrifying it is. here’s what i can say, having lived through it – first and foremost, it sucks. period. the pain of infertility and loss doesn’t stop with a +hpt, it can continue to rob of us of the joy of pregnancy (from first ultrasound to second ultrasound to 12 week screens to anatomy scans to labor and delivery, the fear can be crippling). if you let it, it can rob you of this bliss you’ve worked so hard to achieve. i reminded myself constantly, almost like a mantra, that whatever happens, right now i was where i most wanted to be. worrying won’t shield your heart in the event something awful happens, so you might as well try like hell to enjoy this moment right. now. and right now, you have a beautiful little chicken, with beating heart, inside of you. and that is beautiful and wonderful and to be celebrated. xo

  2. November 14, 2012

    I had a lot of spotting, (to me it was a lot), with this pregnancy. It is so scary, but don’t worry because it is normal :). I want to see and hear my baby all the time to know he/she is ok. And like you, every time I went poop I thought the baby would come out too! I still think about it. Beans and hot sauce is really all I want to eat, and the easiest thing for me to eat because it doesn’t make me nauseous. My husband tries to cook for me, and it makes me so sick but I don’t want him to feel bad, so I have forced myself to eat what he makes a few times now lol. You have a lot of people thinking about you and praying for you, so your little chicken is really wrapped in a lot of love! I know it is so so hard, but try to think of the positives and not of your fears. Hold the feelings and thoughts in your heart that you want the universe to reflect back to you, if that makes any sense! Take care!

  3. November 14, 2012

    I wish you loads of luck next week, but I don’t think you need it. That chicken is looking just great!

  4. November 14, 2012

    I am wishing on my lucky penny for you right now. stay in that oven, little Chicken!!!

  5. stupidstork #
    November 14, 2012

    Thanksgiving is going to be AWESOME.

  6. November 14, 2012

    I’m hoping too Belle. Good luck with the conference. Remember: you are allowed to take as many breaks as you need.

  7. Jen #
    November 14, 2012

    I am totally with you on the symptom freak-outs. I had like three days of only super light nausea and much less boob tenderness last week – of course, I was convinced that it was all coming to an end and entered into psycho symptom spotting mode. However, the nausea has returned with a vengeance and now I feel better about it coming and going instead of being straight, constant misery. Also, I think I’m getting better at knowing how to make my stomach feel better – when to eat, and how much to eat, that kind of thing. I’m betting you’re making the same kind of adjustments!

  8. Arbrefleur #
    November 14, 2012

    Oh man, I wish the universe could just hand you a break, sister!! But I love stupidstork’s comment and I agree. Thanksgiving is going to be so awesome! Also, I have a friend on the TTC boards who did post about the exact same thing (at a similar point) and really worried for a few days because her symptoms disappeared! I know everyone is different, but I thought it might help to hear that story. I hope every day that you find hope instead of worry. Little Chicken is here and strong!

  9. babyfeat #
    November 14, 2012

    You’re going to have a very special Thanksgiving this year!

  10. November 14, 2012

    I’ve had mild symptoms but they have come and gone – but of course I worried just like you when they did. Can’t wait for you to share the news with your parents on Turkey Day!

  11. November 14, 2012

    Sending you tons of positive vibes that this baby comes home with you.

  12. November 14, 2012

    I feel ya, chica. I’m not even pregnant again yet, and I’m already worrying ten steps ahead of the game about it going badly next time. Try and focus on that strong heartbeat from yesterday. We are all hoping, praying, and crossing all digits that you get to take this one home.

  13. November 14, 2012

    Take home baby it is!

  14. November 15, 2012

    This little thanksgiving chicken is a fighter and is going to make it to the end! I completely understand the worry though. Take care of yourself in your conference today, those things can be so draining!

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