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8 weeks and all is not well

11/16/2012

Belle

Today I should be 8 weeks. Today is also Day 3 of no symptoms and I’m a wreck. I’m terrified of finding another dead baby on Wednesday afternoon, and then immediately having to pick my brother up from the airport and return to Lexington to a house full of family. No one knows I’m pregnant so no one will think to ask if I lost the baby. I’ll have to pretend life is great so I don’t ruin another Thanksgiving.

I have searched the internet high and low for stories of women who lost their symptoms at 7.5 weeks and went on to have healthy babies and there is not a lot of encouraging information. The only thing that has been off the past two days is that I have been retaining water like I’m a camel. I hurt all over. My legs, my sides, my back, my upper arms. Everything is tender to the touch. It’s not muscle soreness but more like the layer under my skin hurts. Does this make any sense? I always feel this way a few days before I have a period. This only makes me more certain this is over.

My nausea is gone. The metallic taste in my mouth is gone. I’m not waking up feeling hung over. My cravings for vegan chili are gone. My acne is clearing up. I’m incredibly bitchy. I just don’t feel pregnant. I feel premenstrual. I keep trying to call my clinic to see if we can change our ultrasound to Tuesday giving me a day to digest any bad news but their voice mail says the clinic is “now closed for lunch,” which I know is incorrect since it is 8:30 in the morning. I would like very much to be sedated until Wednesday afternoon. Can someone arrange that, please?

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17 Comments

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  1. November 16, 2012

    I went through this too, convinced I wasn’t pregnant anymore. Try to get into your doctor immediately if you can. You can’t spend the next four days worried about this because that’s not good for you or baby. If you can’t get into your doctor, you could always go to an emergency clinic and see if they will do an ultrasound for you. I know it’s almost impossible to have faith when you feel like this, but try to find something to hold onto. In my thoughts and prayers.

    • November 16, 2012

      I was wondering if a doc in the box would have an ultrasound machine, actually. Maybe they could just peek in there for me or at least draw my HCG so I can see if it is going up. Ugh. So. Freaking. Stressful.

  2. Bethany #
    November 16, 2012

    Belle, I too went through this with my current pregnancy. My symptoms didn’t come back until 10 weeks, and have been pretty present ever since. I do agree, that the added stress does nothing to help, so keep trying to get a hold of your doctor. Try to stay as optimistic as possible…..Sending you hugs!!

    • November 16, 2012

      GOOD to know. Thank you for sharing. The stress sure does suck, though. Pregnancy after infertility and loss seems so damn impossible sometimes.

  3. D #
    November 16, 2012

    I completely understand your concerns as I feel like I could have written this post several weeks back. My symptoms were very fickle and came and went with no rhyme or reason. It would be awesome to be sedated through the entire first trimester. So much anxiety. I hope that you can get a hold of your doctor so that they will let you move your appointment. I hate when my office leaves their answering message up later than it should be. Drives me crazy. Hang in there. Sending you positive thoughts for a healthy baby!

    • November 16, 2012

      I’m relieved to hear you had fickle symptoms, too. Mine were never bad to begin with but it was something for me to hold on to. I’m hoping all is still well. chicken looked so good at the 7 week scan that SURELY he or she is still roasting away.

  4. November 16, 2012

    Any way you can go in for a quick ultrasound today? I remember losing my symptoms early on (they were just gone, full stop) and I freaked out and begged Kaiser to see me and they did, that very afternoon. I ended up getting good news when I went. Maybe you can do the same?

    Sending love and light during this impossible time. Abiding with you.

    • November 16, 2012

      Unfortunately my clinic is 1.5 hours north of us so popping in is not exactly easy. I’m hoping to change my appointment to Tuesday so if we do get bad news we at least have a day to digest it before we are invaded by my family. I left the clinic a message and am now waiting, impatiently, to hear back. I’m encouraged to hear that readers have lost symptoms but not lost their babies. I keep trying to remind myself that 25% of pregnancies end in miscarriage. I have already had one loss so, statistically, my next three babies should be good. I know this does not actually work that way… but I can hope!

      • Romy #
        November 16, 2012

        My clinic gave me better odds, they said that after they’ve seen a heartbeat, the chance of miscarriage goes down to 5%. The SCH does increase it a tiny bit but only 1-3% of SCH cases end in miscarriage.
        Those are the numbers they gave me anyway, and I will gladly hold on to those odds 🙂

  5. pumpkin #
    November 16, 2012

    Belle, I hate that you’re going through this hell. I hope you’re able to get through to your clinic so you don’t have to wait until Wednesday. Sending you lots of positive thoughts and healthy baby vibes.

  6. El #
    November 16, 2012

    I follow your blog already a couple of months but I didn’t react yet. Since English is not my mothertongue I am always afraid of writing stupid things. This time however I really want you to give you some hope so I’ll do my best anyway… I am currently 13,5 weeks pregnant after almost 5 years of unsuccesful attempts. In that period we tried everything that is out there, had a chemical and an EUG and some operations. At last our 3th fresh ICSI cycle was successful, but just like you I panicked from day 1. Around 8 weeks far every symptom I had disappeared and it took some weeks untill I fully realised they were back but at our 9 weeks ultrasound, I saw a very tiny baby with a perfect heartbeat. So please stay optimistic, it is possible !! I know this is easier said than done, for the moment I’ m just out the hospital after a nasty bleed, on bedrest now and just like you I am searching the internet for some answers. I am trying not to panic and i really hope you won’t be too because that is really not good for the baby. Try to reach your doctor and how impossible it sounds try to be a little relax and believe it is possible. I will think about you the following days and hope for the best for the both of us.

    • November 16, 2012

      El, thanks for commenting and don’t ever feel shy! Thank you for your encouragement. It is so hard to stay positive after going through so much hell. I will keep you and your little one in my thoughts and prayers, too. Allow me to share a very inspirational blog from an awesome writer who had the craziest bleeds I have ever heard of and recently welcomed a beautiful babe into her world. I’m sure she would be happy to share her story and encouragement. http://didiforget.wordpress.com/

      • El #
        November 17, 2012

        I am so happy for you, you can go and see your doctor on tuesday! I hope and pray that everything is okay! Thank you so much for you encouraging words and the blog you shared with me. I started reading it and it gives me a little hope that all is not lost. You are in my thoughts tuesday and I hope your little miracle is doing great! Lots of love from Belgium.

  7. November 16, 2012

    That’s not lost symptoms, that’s just different symptoms. I think it was about 8 weeks that I quit feeling queasy and started being super sensitive to touch (and then the super duper vertigo started a few days later, and I nearly crashed my car and fainted at work… oops). I’d say don’t panic, but it won’t help, so stay hopeful if you can. I still freak out that things will go badly (often) and I’m at 24 weeks now and still getting punched in the bladder. It can be fine and it probably is fine, statistically speaking. Also if you decide to turn up somewhere wanting an ultrasound, the suspicious pain in the ovary area will ensure you get one (ahem… I may or may not have played that card, knowing there was little actual pain there and mostly nerves). Do you have an OB or primary care doc closer you could see (or an OB practice you would like to check out)? That saves the long wait and the long commute. I’d bet that a doc in a box wouldn’t have ultrasound capabilities, so I wouldn’t waste time with them.

    Thinking happy thoughts as you wait it out.

  8. November 16, 2012

    My symptoms come and go all the time, and they were never very bad to begin with. It scares the hell out of me, but as far as I know, our little Nugget is still thriving. When I start to freak myself out about it, I try to remind myself of all the reasons NOT to worry: I have no pain or cramping in my abdomen, there’s no bleeding, and the ultrasound from last week showed a healthy, thriving baby. It’s hard to talk ourselves out of the fear and worry, I know, but anything you can do to relieve your stress, even just a little bit, is better for you and baby.

    I hope your clinic gets back to you soon and is able to get you in for your ultrasound on Tuesday. Sending lots of happy, healthy thoughts to you and Chicken. *hugs*

  9. November 16, 2012

    Sending you and the chicken positive, healthy thoughts. If it helps any, my dear friend lost all her symptoms around the 8 week mark and they never really came back. She’s due on New Year’s Day. Crossing my fingers you get in to see your doctor early to ease your mind.

  10. Lee #
    November 16, 2012

    Sounds like your symptoms are just changing, not disappearing. What you are feeling – physically and mentally – is totally normal. I wish there was something I could say to make it easier. Sending you lots of support!

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