Today I should be 8 weeks. Today is also Day 3 of no symptoms and I’m a wreck. I’m terrified of finding another dead baby on Wednesday afternoon, and then immediately having to pick my brother up from the airport and return to Lexington to a house full of family. No one knows I’m pregnant so no one will think to ask if I lost the baby. I’ll have to pretend life is great so I don’t ruin another Thanksgiving.
I have searched the internet high and low for stories of women who lost their symptoms at 7.5 weeks and went on to have healthy babies and there is not a lot of encouraging information. The only thing that has been off the past two days is that I have been retaining water like I’m a camel. I hurt all over. My legs, my sides, my back, my upper arms. Everything is tender to the touch. It’s not muscle soreness but more like the layer under my skin hurts. Does this make any sense? I always feel this way a few days before I have a period. This only makes me more certain this is over.
My nausea is gone. The metallic taste in my mouth is gone. I’m not waking up feeling hung over. My cravings for vegan chili are gone. My acne is clearing up. I’m incredibly bitchy. I just don’t feel pregnant. I feel premenstrual. I keep trying to call my clinic to see if we can change our ultrasound to Tuesday giving me a day to digest any bad news but their voice mail says the clinic is “now closed for lunch,” which I know is incorrect since it is 8:30 in the morning. I would like very much to be sedated until Wednesday afternoon. Can someone arrange that, please?