Please see On Scrambled Eggs, Pregnancy After Infertility and Loss, Body Image and Where To Go From Here for further explanation on this post.
I knew this would be a problem. Even with Prozac I’m finding myself stressing out daily about clothing that is becoming snug or giving me a tube like appearance. I’m incredibly stressed because I’m only 9 weeks 4 days pregnant – way too soon to be “showing” and gaining enough weight to make your clothing not fit.
I am well aware I’m not fat. I’m a healthy weight and for that I’m thankful. Still, it is hard seeing pounds pack on so soon in the game. I know that a large part of the gain is due to the following:
- Three weeks and counting of modified bed rest (i.e. no exercising)
- What feels like an eternity of constipation (Thanks Progesterone!)
- General early pregnancy bloating
These three reasonable points aside, I’m still gaining. I went through three outfits this morning before I found something that would sufficiently cover my pudge and not make my growing boobs too noticeable*.
Other women have written about how comfortable they are with the changes their body endures during pregnancy. They write about the love they feel for their growing baby bump and even, at times, how sad they are when the baby is born and they lose their “adorable pregnant belly.”
I desperately want to be these women. I had really hoped that with therapy and medication I could embrace these changes and love the way my body adapts to create new life. But I can’t. I look in the mirror and find myself panicking about a life long struggle trying to lose the baby weight, about permanent joint damage due to weight gain and about gestational diabetes (something I’m at higher risk of thanks to PCOS and a family history of obesity and Type 2 diabetes).
I’m having a tremendously hard time silencing this voice and I’m not sure what to do about it. So I’m coming to you all. I’m certain not all my readers loved their changing shape. I’m sure some of you had the same fears about gaining weight. How have you handled this? Especially the ladies with complications who were forbidden to exercise. Any pointers? How can I make this easier?
* While I’m slowly opening up about this to family and friends I’m not ready for my coworkers to know. Sadly, my expanding waist line and growing boobs are making that challenging. (Well, that and the hourly trips to pee.)