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A Note

11/29/2012

Belle

Scrambled Eggs has received some really harsh comments and hurtful messages leaving me unsure of where to go next. I’m taking some time away. You can reach me at Belle.Hineman@yahoo.com if you want to chat.

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57 Comments

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  1. whatrhymeswithinfertile #
    November 29, 2012

    Are you serious? I haven’t read any of the comments yet, but eff those people! I love reading your blog and getting your baby updates! I am invested in your little chicken and want to follow your journey. Don’t stop blogging because of some jealous insensitive a-holes! Just sayin’.

    • whatrhymeswithinfertile #
      November 29, 2012

      Also, just because you are pregnanct right now does not take away all of the struggles you went through to get to this point. Not that long ago you went through a very traumatic loss, and people need to remember that. It also doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy being pregnant and being in awe of all of the first trimester yuckiness. People just piss me off…freakin’ a-holes!

      • whatrhymeswithinfertile #
        November 29, 2012

        And another thing! A lot of IF women have unexpected reactions after they finally get pregnant. Yours may be about weight but you have already admitted your body image issues…it makes sense. I had post partum depression after my son was born. Talk about confusing! Then I read a study that a lot of IF women deal with that after they get PG and have a baby because of all they go through to get to that point. So, don’t let anybody bring you down.

        • November 30, 2012

          I haven’t been able to read the blog about body issues, but I understand the feeling. I’m quite lucky that I’ve never really had issues about my body, but I do remember feeling strange and “fat” at the beginning of my pregnancy before I was really showing. And then after the baby was born, the flabbiness in my tummy bugged me. I’m still not 100% back to my former self (might not ever be) but I’m learning to live with the new me.

          There are so many changes that come from pregnancy that we don’t always know how to handle them. Especially when struggling with the concept of “having to be happy” because we’ve finally gotten pregnant, but it isn’t always so easy.

  2. 35life #
    November 29, 2012

    I can’t believe it either. That’s terrible. I always look forward to seeing you in my blog feed!

  3. November 29, 2012

    To you people out there who left harsh comments. Kindly remove the stick from you ass! If you don’t like or connect with something that you read then don’t read. Everyone has been through different things and handles things differently. This is not a contest of who has suffered more. If you want to be all doom and gloom about your own life then go do it alone. This place is for support, comfort and healing and if you aren’t a part of that then leave!

    Belle, I am sorry you had to deal with that. I hope you know you are loved and supported by so many. The people with the negative comments have their own major issues and shouldn’t be taking their problems out on you. Their problems not yours. I know it is hard, but please remember that. Discard the bad and focus on the good. I love you Hon!

  4. November 29, 2012

    I’m sorry belle…I hope that you continue to use this space – I’d miss you!
    Ps – I wanted to tell you on the weight gain, I gained a lot and fast, a pound a week from the time I found out I was pregnant. 1-3 lbs first trimester, nope that’d be 8 lbs. and so on. I was lucky in that I LOVED my giant belly. But I was really worried about how fast it came on, if it’d slow and if I’d lose it. I am happy to say that it did finally slow in the third trimester, and in fact I don’t think I gained at all the last 5 weeks. And it has been coming off and things look a whole lot better on the other side than I thought possible – all before I can even exercise. So you will be ok I am sure. And you will look fab with a basketball belly :).

  5. November 29, 2012

    Your blog is beautiful and oh so refreshing! I have been an avid follower but admit I haven’t commented for months! I enjoy your honesty and willingness to share the full depth of your experience, at all stages, with your readers. Please don’t be disheartened. Your blog touches so many lives and is a voice that needs to be heard! Sending hugs!

  6. November 29, 2012

    Ignore the trolls and haters, Belle. No guilt about this pregnancy

  7. Patricia #
    November 29, 2012

    that is awful that people are saying mean things, people really suck sometimes, and while they may direct things toward you it will always be coming from a place of doubt and insecurity in their own lives. I hope you don’t let it get you down! Could you put a filter or approval type thing on the comments so that they could be screened before they are posted??

  8. November 29, 2012

    First time comment-er here, and I love your blog! Don’t pay the negatives a bit of attention, you have way more important things to be focusing on. Keep your chin up and com back soon.

  9. November 29, 2012

    I missed the comments too but wow. I’m with the folk above. We should celebrate when someone makes it to the other side. Who would wish this journey upon anyone else?

    You blog about life. You’re pregnant.. why wouldn’t you continue to blog about your hopes and fears? There’s a thing called an unfollow button if it gets too hard for others – they ought to use it instead of lashing out of you.

  10. November 29, 2012

    No!! I hate the haters!!! I’m so sorry that someone is leaving negative feed back. I love all your posts, but really loved the last two. Your honesty is so very refreshing. I do hope you come back soon, as you are a week a couple days ahead of me, which makes me feels when all is okay with with you it will be with me too. I hate that you have to take a break, but I get it:::(((.

  11. November 29, 2012

    I am sorry to see that you have received harsh comments. I hope that you continue posting.. I have enjoyed reading your blog. It has given me hope that there is light at the end of the tunnel.. and reminded the struggle does not necessarily end when pregnancy is achieved.

    • November 29, 2012

      I agree. I love your blog, Belle. I hope you don’t stay away for too long. Stupid trolls.

  12. Infertility Can Suck It #
    November 29, 2012

    I’m so sorry you’re dealing with trolls!! I hate that they’re everywhere. Some people just feel good about making others feel bad…the whole playground mentality. They’re currently ruining my baby center due date club as well. So many people hide behind their keyboards with their cruelty and it would be damn fun to meet them face to face and really hash it out. You’re a strong and sensitive woman who deserves to be happy during this exciting time, especially after what you’ve been through. I always look forward to your updates and this house is sending nothing but positive thoughts and kitty-tail-hugs your way!!! Hang in there mama and I really hope we’ll continue to see how the chicken is growing! Big hugs to you!!

  13. November 29, 2012

    Oh no! Please don’t let people’s meanness stop you from posting. You are the only reason I found the courage to even make my blog public. I’ve never understood why adults forget the “if you don’t have something nice to day don’t say anything at all.” If people can’t control themselves you can always turn the ability to comment off. Don’t let them cut off one of your stress outlets.

  14. robinsnc #
    November 29, 2012

    Please don’t go! Don’t stop blogging. That’s exactly what nasty people want–to see they’ve had an effect. Don’t let them win. But most of all take care of yourself and that Little Chicken. Know that most of us are rooting for you!

  15. karaleen #
    November 29, 2012

    What the hell? Really? Why do people have to be so freaking mean? Belle – ignore the catty, bitchy people who have nothing better to do than rain on your parade. What a bunch of freaking bitches. Take your deep breath….send them a Namaste and then love on your belly and obsess about the size of your ass all you want. This is YOUR space and if they don’t like it…. tell them to just jump off!
    Hugs,
    Kd

  16. November 29, 2012

    Belle, I’m really sorry that this has happened. Please, whatever you do, don’t let it take away any of your joy in this pregnancy.

    To those leaving hurtful comments: I understand that it can be very difficult to read pregnancy posts when you’re still in the trenches. And I know that sometimes pregnancy posts contain worries or complaints that could be perceived by some as ingratitude. It may even piss some people off. Fair enough. But you need to respect that this is Belle’s space and you are a guest. Please show some respect and compassion. It’s taken Belle a long time to get to this place and she’s been through hell – like so many of us. It’s not fair for you to add to her anxieties during this tenuous time in her pregnancy. If you don’t like what she’s writing, then leave. Don’t read and don’t come back. It’s as simple as that. I’ve been in your shoes. I’ve been upset by posts by other bloggers, too. But I didn’t react by shitting all over their space. I just left. Please show a bit of maturity and do the same.

    • SRB #
      November 29, 2012

      Very thoughtfully put, Jenny. This is something that really, really bothers me when I see it happening around the blogs. It is never okay to throw a stone at somebody simply because your bag of rocks is too heavy at a particular moment. Consider how you might feel if somebody left you a hurtful comment on a vulnerable post… on any post. Cut one, but measure twice.

      The transition to “the other side” is hard enough without the crushing guilt being added to externally. It is simply NOT appropriate to take your pain out on somebody else, period. No matter where you are in your journey, it can be difficult to read what you perceive as “ungrateful” or “complaining” and if this is the case, you need to click away and not engage. Again – it is NOT appropriate to lash out and take your pain and negative feelings out on somebody else simply because they are an available target. Have we all done this? Probably. But there is a distinct difference between it happening verbally, IRL, and leaving a blog comment. You have the opportunity to disengage, to not fill out the box, to not hit “publish.” A blog comment is deliberate and purposeful. And if the blogger took it in a way that you didn’t mean it and it truly, deeplu hurt her? You still need to own your words and apologize. Or just do the right thing in the first place – walk away.

  17. November 29, 2012

    Oh my goodness! Really?!? How insensitive and mean. I enjoy your posts and look forward to them. I didn’t realize you were getting bad comments. I hope you will return soon!!

  18. November 29, 2012

    Oh NO! I dont know what I’ll do without your regular updates! I LOVE this blog!!!! I need to hear how Chicken is doing!!!! I’m so sorry that people are being ridiculous and ruining it for the rest of us!

  19. November 29, 2012

    I’m sorry you are receiving nasty comments. I just don’t get it. Some people really suck big donkey balls.

    ❤

  20. Bette Manning #
    November 29, 2012

    Please don’t stop blogging. I enjoy all your updates!

  21. November 29, 2012

    I have no idea what was said that has upset you so much but I really hope you don’t take the stupid comments of a few nasty individuals to heart. I love reading your updates and the fact that we are only a couple of days apart is so awesome as at least I know there is someone out there who understands and is going through pretty much what I am and the best part is,she actually talks about the things that no one else will!
    And to whoever hurt your feelings like – you should be ashamed of yourself. If you dont like what you read, how about NOT READING and moving along and keeping your hateful comments to yourself?! Stupid jerks!

  22. November 29, 2012

    Ugh, so sorry you have to deal with hurtful comments. I had to go for approving comments for a good while, now I have changed it so only the very first comment someone new post has to be approved. Maybe something to consider. Please know you have done nothing wrong in expressing your feelings. Hugs.

  23. SRB #
    November 29, 2012

    Belle – I am so sorry this is happening to you. It is awful, and inappropriate. I hope that you are able to find your voice again and come back soon. We are here for you. But take all the time you need. We understand. xoxoxoxoxo

  24. heatherwallen #
    November 29, 2012

    Belle, So sorry to read this. Keep your chin up, your blog is wonderful and your readers appreciate your honesty about pregnancy about infertility. We’ll be happy to read you when you return to your blog. Hugs, Heather

  25. Ginny #
    November 29, 2012

    Oh Belle, I (along with many others above) am SO SORRY. You’ve been thru alot already and I honestly never ever understand when assholes like this show up on blogs with their hatefulness. I am glad at least that I got to read your latest post before you deleted it. You have no idea how much it makes my day when your posts show up in my reader…………..I like many others wanted to follow your journey to parenthood thru to the end. Plus, you are the very first blogger in my hometown, which makes it a bit more personal to me. I went thru horrible losses and infertility over ten years ago, ultimately becoming a mom thru international adoption and your blog struck a chord in me, you are a fabulous, clever funny writer. I wish you and your husband and your chickie the best of health and a happy life. xxoo

  26. November 29, 2012

    Take all the time you need Belle. We’re not going anywhere.

  27. Maria #
    November 29, 2012

    People can be so mean! Please ignore and delete the mean few comments, and keep on blogging! The vast majority of us love your writing and are so happy for you with your pregnancy!

  28. Kat #
    November 29, 2012

    I’m thinking this has to do with a blog post that came through my reader but I no longer see on your blog? I’m shocked and terribly sorry for any unkind words you’ve received. No one deserves any kind of negativity for simply writing what they’re feeling. As I was reading that post, I was thinking the whole time how much I understand everything you said. I was going to say to you that honestly, I felt disconnected from my pregnancy literally up until the point where I was waiting to go into labor (a point I’m still at), because that was the first time the entire pregnancy that I could finally relax and know that everything is OK and it’s just a matter of the baby’s physical position in space (that is, she’s either in my belly or she’s not, but either way she is fully developed). And honestly, I’ve never felt a strong connection to the baby. I’ve been thrilled and grateful and wouldn’t trade this for anything in the world, but even with a hugh jass belly, stretchmarks, and a conversation with the midwife about inductions, the baby *still* doesn’t feel entirely real and I don’t thing she will until she’s here and I can look her in the eyes.

    Everything you’re feeling is completely normal and you have every right to share it and I’m so, so sorry that you have to deal with the negativity.

  29. November 29, 2012

    Oh, Belle, I’m sorry this is happening to you. I’ve seen this happen time and time again over the years. It’s so unfortunate. In fact, I actually left a nasty comment once on someone’s blog after she very negatively complained about her nausea. To this day, I feel terrible about that comment. It was wrong of me and mean. There is no justifying the comment I left years ago. I learned my lesson the minute I hit the submit button and have regretted it ever since.

    To the person/people leaving mean comments – just click away. It’s that easy. No one is forcing you to read Belle’s blog. Even though we understand that reading pregnancy blogs can be hard on those still in the trenches, it does not give you the right to be mean and nasty to those who have achieved what you’re still working towards. You may not know this, but pregnancy is hard – a lot harder than any of us IF-ers ever imagined it could be after the struggles we went through to get there. I suggest you remove all pregnancy blogs from your reader if you aren’t in the place (and you obviously are NOT) to be supportive, or at best silent, when you don’t like what you read.

  30. November 29, 2012

    Haters gonna hate! Ain’t nobody got time for that!

    It’s easy to say “Ignore the douches and keep writing”, but I know how difficult it can be to carry on. I know because I was bullied into deleting my own blog – my sanctuary – several years ago because of mean spiteful people. I deeply regret that decision now because I truly missed writing and it still pisses me off that I let others influence me like that. I’d hate for the same thing to happen to you or anyone else.

    My advice? Take these supportive comments to heart. There are more people that adore your blog than those who dislike a post or two. (But I know how much more weight the negative comments can sometimes seem to carry.) Push through and know that you’ve got a slew of supporters on your side – know that we are taking your side and if it came down to a brawl, I’d throw down for you.

  31. November 29, 2012

    No no, screw them. Belle you are lovely and we care about you x

  32. jak #
    November 29, 2012

    turds. giant turds in the punch bowl.

    do you think it’s regular readers or spammers or what?

  33. November 29, 2012

    I am upset for you. That kind of thing is utterly unnecessary. I agree totally with Jenny, I have read things a couple of times on blogs that I just cant agree with and so I don’t read them any more. There is no need for vicious words. Your blog has helped me on many occasions and I love the way you write. Don’t let the trolls ruin it.

  34. November 29, 2012

    Omg, internet trolls are the WORST. I had another blog once that got quite a few hits each day, and I’d basically just delete any hurtful comment that came in — I think you can even block/unapprove specific commenters, so they’re unable to say anything more, too. I know that still doesn’t make it easier to read mean things, but remember that SOOO many more people out here LOVE your writing and the strength of us is way bigger than a few nasty, mean-spirited folks…

  35. November 29, 2012

    Are you serious?! I can’t believe people would write hurtful comments! This is YOUR space, and you’re allowed to write anything you want. If someone doesn’t agree with you, then they have the very simple option not to read you! I’m so sorry you’re left feeling this way and I hope you do keep blogging, because I always look forward to your posts. Big hugs to you xox

  36. SM #
    November 29, 2012

    Oh, dear Belle! Please don’t let those people get to you too much! I have so enjoyed reading your posts, pregnancy related or not.I’m still in the trenches but I hope to be where you are one day. Do unto others, people. It’s as easy as that.

  37. stupidstork #
    November 29, 2012

    What the frig? Should I be beating on somebody right now or what?

  38. November 29, 2012

    I’m so sorry this happened, Belle. While I love your posts and hope that you do keep blogging, please do whatever is best for you right now. You have enough going on right now without this added stress.

    You are a wonderful person and blogger.

  39. November 29, 2012

    Oh, the jerks that come out sometimes amaze me. Don’t go away…

  40. Life is Hard #
    November 29, 2012

    urgh. I’m sorry you’ve gotten bad comments…..hope to see you back here soon!

  41. November 29, 2012

    Wow…I can’t believe the balls some people have. How can anyone be so cruel, especially knowing the path you have had to walk to get here? I’m so sorry you’ve been hurt, Belle. Please don’t let those people get to you! There are so many others who adore you and who love reading your blog. Take heart in that knowledge and hang in there. ~ hugs ~

  42. November 29, 2012

    Man people are ass holes. I’m so sorry belle. That is completely unfair!

  43. Stacey #
    November 29, 2012

    I’m coming out of lurker status just to give support and say EFF THEM. Your space, you say whatever you want. You inspire a lot of women with your (hard-earned) success. Don’t let a few crazies ruin the most exciting time in your life and providing hope to those still in the trenches!

  44. Leah #
    November 29, 2012

    That makes me so sad 😦 I love reading your posts – I hope there is a way to make them stop 😦

  45. Britt #
    November 29, 2012

    I don’t know why people are being jerks but please ignore them and continue posting! Having a blog is like sharing your diary with the world – we should be thanking you for opening up to us 🙂 And for those who don’t like it – just stop reading!!

  46. Melanie #
    November 29, 2012

    I can understand your wish to stop after receiving harsh comments. And I can as much as I think that people that leave harsh comments should just keep their computers shut, I think that those people are in a lot of pain and have no idea on how to deal with it. This week I failed my first and last IVF/ICSI cycle, and even if your blog has been something to look forward everyday, even reading you was hard. I am devastated and tired of the last 3 years of medication, poking and testing, and anyone with a belly is today feeling like an enemy. BUT I also know that if I was to get pregnant, I would be scared for a long time and I would not want to let anyone know for at least four months (I would probably hide myself in a ton of baggy clothes). I have no clue what kind of message they left you, but I just feel that sometime thinking of mean people as of very sad people, it eases the pain they cause us (I have had my share of those) and I would say that I would feel sorry for them to have that much pain that they can’t control themselves.
    Keep on posting and keep your chin up in this pregnancy, you have earned every little bit of it and all you can control is how you look at it. I don’t know for sure if it will go to term, but I know you can enjoy every little fart chicken is causing you to have. 😉

  47. Arbrefleur #
    November 29, 2012

    Who? Where? What do they look like? I’ll deck ’em for you!!! But seriously, Belle. I need this blog. I am someone who is still in the trenches and I obviously love reading your blog (which I check every day as I go through IVF). It gives me hope and it gives me laughs and I am very un-zen right now because I’m so angry at whoever lost so much control of themselves that they could say anything hurtful to someone like you. (Or was it just a troll who says mean things for fun and has no idea what blog they’re on? I don’t know how it works…) All that aside, do what you need to do. But, man oh man, I will miss your posts.

  48. November 30, 2012

    Aw this makes me sad. Some people don’t have enough to do and find being mean a fun thing to do. I hope you don’t spend too long away as I love reading your updates and will miss you xxx

  49. November 30, 2012

    No. Noooooooo!!!!! Screw these pieces of shit. Seriously. This community needs you, Belle, and we will rally right here by your side. Your posts have helped me through some really dark days, and I know you’ve helped so many others, too. I know it doesn’t fix the hurt of comments that you can’t undo, but don’t let a few bitter twat holes take you away from us. (yes, asshole commenters, I just called you twat holes. I’m going Summer’s Eve on your ass, and will even risk Pelvic Inflamatory Disease to get rid of you. Consider yourself douched.) Miss your updates already. xoxo

  50. Sara #
    November 30, 2012

    I am sorry about the comments, your blog is amazing! I am in the middle of my 2nd IVF cycle and your blog has helped so much! Many of the topics you write about are feelings I have too, I hope you return to blogging, you are an inspiration!

  51. November 30, 2012

    Tell them ” I’m going for a big glass of shut the f$&@ up, would you like one?”.

    I read that post belle, and only didn’t reply because I was out on the town with a friend and kid wrangling. I was thinking “yep. Yep. Yep. Same”. Buying maternity clothes: could jinx it. Buying baby things: jinx it. Walking into baby shop: risky. Allowing over excited grandmas to buy baby things: huge jinx. I was so paranoid about it my mum confiscated and hid baby related Xmas presents from well meaning relatives that contravened my rules. There comes a point, even when you’re in crazy high risk land like I was, that it DOES become real, you DO GET excited, it just takes longer because us infertile’s have had to hold so many possible futures in our heads. I was about 16 weeks when that happened. I remember when the first baby thing I bought arrived, and I just kept looking and looking at it. Now he’s about to outgrow it!

    And when that baby starts to move and flutter and kick, that’s a whole new ball game. It’s ok to not feel connected just yet. Sit with it. Take your time. There’s a reason we’re given 40 weeks to wrap our heads around it!

    And tell the trolls to go and crawl back under whatever bridge they came from. They’re not welcome here. ( I had two bouts of blog related nastiness…but both with real life “friends” who i no longer see).Some people act like there’s a baby quota and if you get the BFP, it means they won’t, or like the whole world should tiptoe around them. Seriously. we know its hard. We get it. Been there, got the tshirt . but dont be nasty. Or they could, you know, flick over to YouTube and watch a video of a cat playing the bongoes. That cheers everybody up.

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