Skip to content

On Scrambled Eggs, Pregnancy After Infertility and Loss, Body Image and Where To Go From Here

11/30/2012

Belle

I regretted the post on weight gain as soon as I hit publish. However, positive comments immediately flooded my in box saying that I was not alone in this struggle. This was a subject that needed discussed. Then a harsh comment came through. Then another. And it made me realize that I should have approached the subject differently.

There is a particular aspect of my life that is deeply personal and involves a family member whom I love and respect. Because of this I don’t write about it online despite the impact on my personality and infertility. I am going to be vague on purpose here out of respect – someone I share DNA with has spent a lifetime struggling with obesity. I have watched this disease literally cripple and take years from his/her life. It has dramatically affected me and I live in constant fear of one day following in these footsteps.

About 50 percent of my therapy focuses on these issues. I am thrilled to see things slowly improving and on good days I can enjoy fries or cake without guilt, but the fears still linger. Seeing my shape change so quickly has brought back a lot of old baggage – hence the post “Struggling with Early Pregnancy Weight Gain.”

I intended to take a week long break from blogging after yesterdays harsh commentor but quickly realized my blog has purpose in this community. I was, and still am, overwhelmed by the comments, emails and posts of support. Bother lurkers and regular commentors came out to say they look forward to my writing and appreciate my willingness to discuss topics often ignored. They shared personal stories of how a particular Scrambled Eggs post helped open a dialogue between them and their spouse, or helped them find the courage to seek help, or just gave them a much needed laugh in the middle of a rough day.

In addition, the thought of a week of not putting my thoughts down was daunting. Scrambled Eggs is my outlet. It is my release during a time in my life that is very chaotic and very personal. As open as I am about my journey, this is the ONLY place I can discuss weird cervical mucus and actually get helpful feedback. Seriously, I talk to you guys about things I would never dream of talking to my mom about. You help me through some really dark and really disgusting times. And I love you all for that.

Running away would not only deny my readers the chance to relate to some infertile cat lady in Kentucky, it would also deny me the ability to work through these emotions and feelings. So I return, just a day later, with a fresh perspective and some new self-guidelines that will hopefully keep Scrambled Eggs a more peaceful, harmonious place for all of us to read, comment, share and heal.

Despite being pregnant I have maintained a fairly good stream of readers who are still in the trenches, which is way humbling. I want to keep this a safe place for all women: infertile and fighting, pregnant after infertility, parenting or even so fertile they pop out babies like it’s their job. In order to do this –

I promise to use as much sensitivity in my writing as I can. I promise to always have ultrasound and sensitive photos after a jump and a warning. I promise to try and have post titles that accurately indicate a pregnancy-oriented post.  I promise to never compare the Chicken to any food other than a Chicken! (Sorry, ya’ll, I have a hard time with thinking that my baby is the size of something I ate for lunch, just saying!) I promise to still write about farts, constipation and cats with reckless abandon. (If you have a problem with farts or felines you are in the wrong place!)

I also promise to continue writing on topics that need to be discussed. Sometimes those topics might ruffle feathers or offend a reader. In these cases, I encourage you to leave feedback sharing your views. I value all constructive comments, especially those that bring a different perspective to the table. I believe that every argument can be countered in a productive, non accusatory tone. I promise you the most sensitive posts possible and in return I ask for the same in your comments.

I will leave harsh or negative comments that can be gently responded too. I will not, however, tolerate unjustly negative comments that serve no constructive purpose. Especially comments that hurt both myself and other readers. The password protect has been removed from the post on weight gain. It’s and important topic that those who are newly pregnant are obviously struggling with. Later today I’ll re-post the blog on forgetting to plan for pregnancy.

And with that, I’m going to sign off for the weekend. I’m traveling to Birmingham to see some very dear friends and drink the second best thing to Pinot Noir: Pomplamoose La Croix! I’ll be back next week with some VERY IMPORTANT POSTS on riveting topics including itchy nipples, feline computer junkies and, if you are super lucky, a post on cervical mucus. Hoo-rah!

Advertisements

16 Comments

Post a comment
  1. November 30, 2012

    I’m glad you’re going to keep writing. People can be nasty and hard to ignore, but I’m glad you’re deciding to ignore them this go-round. Love reading your blog.

  2. November 30, 2012

    Glad you’re back! And try not to censor yourself too much. I love your raw honesty. It has helped me open up more on my blog. Xoxo and have a wonderful weekend, mama!

  3. November 30, 2012

    ❤ Happy you're back!

  4. jak #
    November 30, 2012

    i am SO GLAD that the digestive posts aren’t going away.

  5. November 30, 2012

    Welcome back! It was only a day – but I missed you 😉

  6. November 30, 2012

    One of the hardest things about blogging is writing in a balanced manner. Too often, people fail at this, choosing to have a brain dump and/or saying things that simply pop into their heads without much thought. You are not one of these people Belle. You’ve demonstrated time and again how conscientious you are, particularly during this time. So keep writing. And if the hate mail comes, let us know so we can battle the hate with love.

    I do have one final thing to say. I’ve never understood what possesses people to write hurtful/hateful things. Seriously, to anyone who has ever done this, what is there to gain? If you truly don’t agree with someone, unfollow them and stop reading. That message is always far more powerful and affective. But the hate isn’t. In fact, it always comes back to reflect poorly on the author. Instead of being righteous, you become bitter. The bitterness extends into all aspects of your life. And it won’t be long before you become what you fear and despise. So stop the cycle. Stop and reassess. Because meeting pain with hate never solves anything. Never.

  7. November 30, 2012

    While I believe sensitivity is always important, especially in this community, I do not believe in censoring yourself because I think it does such a disservice to your readers, some of whom may really benefit from a post that comes from a brutally honest place. However, based on what you wrote hear, it’s clear to me that you fully get that and I’m so glad you’ll get writing, even about topics that may not sit well with everyone.

    I know your post on weight gain was something I could completely relate to. For five years during my adolescence I was overweight (by about fifty pounds). In my nearly thirty years, that’s a relatively short amount of time that I spent with extra poundage, but every day I live in fear of regaining that weight. It seriously messed with my mind when I got pregnant with my daughter. By the end of my pregnancy, I was counting calories! No bueno. It was nice to hear, though, that I’m not the only one who has faced this. Even though we are ever so grateful for the pregnancy we worked so hard to achieve, it does not mean we will not struggle with all the extra baggage that this brings. So I guess what I’m just trying to say is…thank you for your openness and honesty! You really ARE an asset to this club that nobody wants to be a part of.

  8. November 30, 2012

    Everybody has body issues, some more than others, and they won’t go away magically because you’re pregnant! I’m very happy you’re back! 🙂

  9. SRB #
    November 30, 2012

    I am thrilled to see this in my reader this morning. Yay! Stay true to yourself and your voice, Belle. Be sensitive without censoring. It will all shake out. xoxo 🙂

  10. November 30, 2012

    Wave at me when you’re in birmingham! 🙂 Hope you have a safe trip!

  11. November 30, 2012

    Like you mentioned, this blog is an outlet for you. Sometimes we need to write our deepest darkest fears and worries, sometimes it doesn’t reflect even actual reality. For example, I could write down all the scary thoughts I had with depression and anxiety and watch people tear me apart and tell me I belong in a mental institution, but those are thoughts and fears I would write down in a letter and then burn it because if anybody ever read it they would see the disorder and not the real me. Not that you have said ANYTHING that deserves a mean or hateful comment or accusation that you are crazy, you certainly have not! My point is that you should not have to censor yourself at all, this is your blog, this is your writing. If people don’t like it and can’t be supportive or critical in a helpful way, then they shouldn’t be following you. That being said, thank you so much for sharing yourself with us and choosing to ignore hurtful, disrespectful, and ignorant people.

  12. Arbrefleur #
    November 30, 2012

    Yaaaaaahoooooooo!!! You’re back!!!! (Thank goodness)

  13. December 1, 2012

    I’m glad you decided to stay.

  14. December 1, 2012

    Glad you are back :). Just because you are struggling with being pregnant (for whatever reason) does not in any way mean you aren’t grateful for it! I hope that you feel open enough to continue writing about all aspects of your pregnancy, good and difficult alike 🙂

  15. December 3, 2012

    Don’t leave some unhappy people ruin your blog. This is YOUR SPACE and you should be able to write about whatever you want. If people don’t like it then they can stop reading.

    Itchy nipples? Do tell!

Trackbacks & Pingbacks

  1. Struggling with early pregnancy weight gain | Scrambled Eggs

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: