I am not in a happy place right now. You would think that at 11 weeks pregnant I would be blissing out and eagerly planning for the new life that will join us in 6 months. You would think I would be relishing the time with my husband and enjoying the fact that I’m finally, after more than 10 weeks, no longer on pelvic rest. You would think that I would be in awe and wonder of the changes occurring with my body. But I’m not.
I’m dreading next weeks’ OB appointments and fearing the NT scan. I was inspecting our 10 week ultrasound images and I think I see too much fluid around the Chicken’s neck. It would be just my luck, you know? Whatever pregnancy zen I had cooking on Tuesday is gone and in its place is a very real fear of what we might learn. Last night I was plagued by nightmares of birthing a still-born child with terrible deformities. This returning fear has left me terrified of telling more people about the pregnancy, even though it is becoming increasingly hard to hide (hello boobs).
I have been on pelvic rest for nearly 11 weeks now. On Tuesday Dr. B finally said we could have sex again and my husband looked overjoyed. I, however, can’t stomach the thought of it. I realize that this is going to sound horrible so please don’t judge – my husband smells. To be fair, everyone smells. I can smell the security guard I can smell EVERYONE who squishes in the elevator with me. I can smell the homeless guy across the street. But I don’t have to have relations with everyone. You know?
My husband wears this lotion that has some manly fragrance to it that smells an a lot like a hamster after a vigorous workout on an exercise wheel. I have had to roll the car windows down on numerous occasions to try to escape the smell. I tell him I just need fresh air, but really, I’m trying to escape his scent. I feel like a TERRIBLE person for this. I don’t know how I’m supposed to have sex with him and not offend horribly when before coitus I hand him a bar of soap, a clean towel and instruct him to bathe first and NOT use any lotion. What a bitch, right?
Any tips on how to avoid smelling your husband during sex? Any ideas on how to feel sexy when your body is FAR from sexy? I’m swollen, bloated, and breaking out and my lady parts bestow gross “vagina sneezes” of super narsty mucus several times a day. Shaving is a challenge because my skin has become incredibly sensitive to razor burn even with the ridiculous 5 blade razors and “sensitive” shaving lotion/cream. Putting on lingerie is not an option since none of it fits without me looking sort of like the below photo (exaggeration but you get the point). Actually, my hair is in this awkward growing out stage and sort of looks like this when I bounce around. Delightful, right?
I thought pregnant women were supposed to glow? Where the hell is my glow?