The Professor and I went to meet Midwife No. 1 today and she was just delightful. Warm and compassionate, she carries an air of no-nonsense and handled my hysterical sobbing like a pro. She works in a practice with three midwives and a handful of OBs and refers high risk patients out to the high risk dude that Dr. B recommended and trained with.
Emotionally, today was a VERY HARD DAY. This clinic is in the same building as the outpatient surgery center where I had my D&C. In order to get to the 7th floor I had to walk by the surgery center, something I had not planned for. The emotional overload slammed into me like a mac truck and I found myself fighting tears until the moment the midwife walked into my exam room.
The midwife, who we will call LS, was incredibly kind and offered to use the doppler to find the Chicken’s heartbeat and bring me a little peace of mind. It took some hunting since I’m still not 12 weeks but she found it chugging away at a perfect 165 beats per minute.
We went over my exhaustive medical history and not once did she say, “You are going to die from insert autoimmune disease here.” Nor did she refuse to treat me due to my history. I got the vibe that she agreed chronic uveitis sucks, but that for all intents and purposes I’m ok and should have no problem with pregnancy. Huge relief.
I asked her about natural childbirth and she actually fist pumped the air and said a loud “YES! THIS is what we midwives love to hear!” Seriously. Fist pumped. It’s a shame you all can’t hang out with my brother and I for a 24 hour period, otherwise you would understand the fist pump. We think it is kind of genetic. While we know it is incredibly dorky, we just get SO EXCITED sometimes that the fist pump just happens. Kind of like a muscle twitch. The fact that my midwife fist pumped when I said I wanted natural child-birth just left me feeling good.
She explained that I will see all the practitioners in the group and that all the MD’s respect the wishes of the midwife patient. She also said that the midwives work hard to keep midwife patients within their circle. Another plus.
Then LS emphasized the importance of taking this one step at a time, reminding me that there is PLENTY of time to plan my the birth in the coming months. This is something I needed to hear from a professional. Pregnancy after infertility is such an overwhelming mystery. As an infertile I never look much further than the next progesterone injection, let alone all the way to if I’ll be allowed to eat fruit during labor.
My fertile friends (I love you all, please know this!) are SO EXCITED for the Professor and I and just want to talk about birth plans, epidurals, breast-feeding, the best stroller, etc. And while I’m so excited to think about this stuff with them, I’m not quite at the place mentally where I can do so without having a massive panic attack. As tired as I’m sure y’all are of hearing me so this: I just need more time. I assure you, when I’m ready to learn about your natural childbirth, your engorged breasts, your picky eater or your battered lady parts that you will be the FIRST people I come too.
I requested a NT scan in the next week or so and the elective blood tests. I don’t honestly know what I’ll do if a problem is found, but do know I want the time to prepare. She agreed and a nurse just called me with the time: December 19 at 10:10 – which seems an odd time but who am I to argue!
So that’s the run down of the appointment. I forgot my huge list of questions because we were late thanks to the car breaking down on the way there (great fun!) but am not panicking. You know why? Because the Chicken was thump thump thumping away in there and there is plenty of time to plan my natural child-birth in the coming months. For now I’m going to try to enjoy things and maybe, one day, buy some pants that fit!