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P.A.N.T.S.

12/12/2012

Belle

Actually I guess it is more like “P.A.N.T.” but that sounds kinda dirty without context.

I ordered a pair of maternity pants. And some new, larger sized tanks, cardis and a sweater. Yesterday the pants I wore were so uncomfortable that this morning my lower belly hurt from them. Today I’m wearing my one pair of jeans that fits, a tank that is not long enough and a sweater that has buttons gaping.

I do not feel pretty today. In fact, I quite hated myself as I got dressed this morning, which is ridiculous. I’m almost 12 weeks pregnant and have been shooting my ass up with progesterone for nearly 10 weeks straight. What do I expect? I deserve to have pants that fit and clothing that makes me feel attractive. Especially after all the hell I have been through.

I also want this little Chicken to be comfy and not be hiding from my vicious pants all day. When LS, the midwife, was hunting for the Chicken she found him/her ALL THE WAY in the left hand corner of my pelvis. I didn’t even know the Chicken could get over there. This morning, as I rubbed my sore belly, I realized that the Chicken might have been WAY the heck over there because my pants had been attacking him. Poor, poor Chicken.

Someone close to me, who is the route of my body image issues, informed me last night that it is too soon to be growing out my clothes. This hurt. A lot.

I pointed out that I’ve actually gained around three pounds, which is pretty normal for the first trimester. Even though it is only 3 pounds, though, things have sort of redistributed. I’m not exactly sure how, but my ass is certainly rounder and my belly is more pronounced. I also pointed out that I was pretty thin going into this so my shape might change faster then others.  I tried to keep my composure and I tried to let her comments go, but they linger.

Many, many thanks to a very dear friend who talked me off the edge this morning and reassured me that I’m OK and that I deserve at least one pair of pants that does not make me miserable.

So I did it. One pair of maternity pants, three new cardis, two tanks and a Doloman style sweater are on their way to my closet. This weekend I’m going to REALISTICALLY go through my clothing and pack up things that I know won’t fit and that will only torture me every time I try to put them on.

I am going to love, or at least tolerate, these changes. I’m going to have faith that buying a pair of maternity pants will not send me directly to the miscarriage lane. I’m going to believe in my Chicken and believe in my body and its ability to nurture a new human for six more months. I’m going to focus on my day dream of returning to my bike in six months and burning it all off while pulling my precious new baby behind me. This day dream makes me tear up every time. I can’t wait to have a bike buddy.

For those interested: Loft is having a great sale. My maternity pants were full priced (but are cute!), my tanks were all $10 and got some reviews that said they are on the longer side, the cardis were $20 and will look cute unbuttoned and with a skinny belt as the belly grows and the sweater $25.

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27 Comments

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  1. December 12, 2012

    Based on my experience, and that of pretty much everyone in my pregnancy peer group, it is NOT too soon to be growing out of your clothes. I’ve only gained about 4 pounds, but I haven’t been able to wear my jeans for about 3 weeks. I definitely have a noticeable bump. Whether it’s from bloating, my uterus moving forward, or a combo of the two, I don’t know. But it’s there and I’ve accepted that I now have to wear maternity pants to feel comfortable.

    I’ve had a hard time coming to grips with getting bigger because I thought I just looked fat and unhealthy, not pregnant. But I will say that buying proper maternity clothes has made a huge difference in my self-esteem. Regular clothes made me look gross, but the maternity clothes accentuate all the right things and I actually look pregnant – and cute! I’m sure your new clothes will do the same for you. 🙂

  2. jak #
    December 12, 2012

    like you, i was 20 bmi before the whole hormone fiasco of ivf and pregnancy. i already have a very noticeable bump (lots of people telling me so) and have also gained 3 lbs since tfer, 5 total since the start of the successful cycle. 5 lbs of new squish in exchange for a healthy peanut, fark yeah, i’ll take it!!! and i wish you the best in accepting the changes too:)

    i like thinking of you pedaling along with your chicken smiling in the bike seat at the world whizzing by:))))))))))))))))))

  3. December 12, 2012

    I had a beautiful vision of you and your child riding through the world with the wind in your hair. Yay for new clothes that make you feel beautiful, too, because you are!

  4. December 12, 2012

    Glad you took the plunge. I lost weight my first trimester from being so sick but was still in maternity pants at 10 weeks. Its NORMAL for your body shape to change. And trust me, maternity clothes are SO much more comfortable and you’ll feel a lot better in them. When you’re out here end of Dec I can pass on some clothes and my Doppler if you want!!

  5. Amy #
    December 12, 2012

    Good for you! Your body is going to do what it’s going to do, shape and weight-wise – and you are going to feel however you’re going to feel about it. No right or wrong, just try to keep one hand touching reality (that it’s not a reflection of your VALUE as a person, regardless of how it makes you feel)! I hope you’re cuddled in comfy clothes full-time super soon (and that the holiday shipping rush isn’t so far upon us as to delay your deliveries!).

  6. Romy #
    December 12, 2012

    I’m glad you got to hear the heartbeat yesterday and finally decided to buy yourself maternity pants!
    I don’t think a changing shape even has anything to do with weight gain. I haven’t gained anything yet, but was slim to start off and then most women’s clothes are pretty tight too. Even though I haven’t gained so much as a pound, some of my jeans don’t fit anymore and it is because things have been redistributed inside my belly. I also really notice it now after I eat dinner. Normally, eating dinner does not make you burst out of your pants unless it’s Thanksgiving or Christmas dinner 😉 But nowadays it seems any time I eat a normal sized meal, I have to unbutton my pants.
    So don’t feel bad about your changing shape, I really believe it doesn’t even have anything to do with weight gain and your 3 pounds are very normal!
    Are you going to get a belly band too? I’m thinking about getting one but I’m not sure if I’ll feel certain enough that it’ll actually hold my unbuttoned/zipped pants in place, what if the elastic is kind of loose and your pants fall down halfway through the day? 😉

  7. December 12, 2012

    Oy vey. People need to learn to keep their big mouths shut. 12 weeks is definitely not too early for maternity pants. Wear them and enjoy them!

  8. December 12, 2012

    My friend was in full-on maternity gear at 12 weeks and she lost 15 pounds from morning sickness. And, in case anyone out there counters with the idea that she was 4’8″, she is 5’10”. So, every women’s body changes differently. My pants were really tight on my at just 8 weeks with my first pregnancy and I didn’t gain a single pound. I’m glad that you are treating yourself to cozy pants. Everyone deserves comfortable pants!!

  9. December 12, 2012

    Something that made me feel pretty during pregnancy was an expensive AMAZING pair of maternity jeans. I went all out and bought designer maternity jeans but I wore the shit out of them and was actually sad when after the baby they won’t stay up anymore! Kudos to you for buying something that at least makes you feel comfortable, pregnancy is uncomfortable enough without your clothes making it worse!

  10. December 12, 2012

    Belle – you’ll be so happy that you allowed yourself to be comfortable! I think I purchased the belly band around 12 weeks, but had some weird mission going to hold out on “real” maternity clothes. Then I found myself suffering through a long cross-country flight at 14 weeks with my pants unbuttoned and unzipped and the belly band staying nowhere near where it needed to be. Ridiculous. I looked completely ridiculous. After the fiasco of that flight I went on a mission to sneak off and buy maternity pants (without revealing the pregnancy, of course) before the flight home. Please don’t be me. I’d recommend investing in at least 3 pairs of pants – and probably in a larger size than you think you’ll need. 🙂 Enjoy the shopping! You’re pregnant! 🙂

    And try to block out other people’s comments on your weight. I think I’ve spent way too much time thinking about weight during this pregnancy, and you know what? Whatever you gain will come off. When it comes down to it, you were a healthy weight to begin with and you’ll be a healthy weight in the end. You will.

  11. December 12, 2012

    12 weeks is definately not too early to need maternity stuff. Plus as you have been on the progesterone that bloats you as well. All our bodies react differently to pregnancy, some need maternity things early, some don’t. Be kind to yourself and little chicken xx

  12. Arbrefleur #
    December 12, 2012

    That is crazy pants, crazy town!!! I know I have no pg experience, but I belong to a lovely online group of women who are all between 6 and 12 weeks pg and all from ART and they have ALL gained way more weight than you. Obviously, it makes sense what the other ladies are saying as well, about the changing shape being the main problem! I’m sure your shape is adorable. I’m sure you look great. This person sounds like they have a compulsion to say these things to you, but they are uninformed or maybe just having a really bad day themselves. But I think 3 pounds is NOTHING. You are tiny! My online friend gained 15 lbs through the IVF process alone. Another sweet gal is an aerobics instructor (still doing her job in the first tri) and she’s wearing all manner of baggy shirts and hunching over to hide her added weight and new shape. Normal as can be!!!! So happy you got the maternity pants. Stay comfy!

  13. December 12, 2012

    Gap maternity RETAIL stores (not online) are selling all jeans for $35 a pair. I love them!

    I am so disappointed in your friend. What was she thinking? Everyone grows at their own pace. I didn’t buy maternity clothes with Matthew until I was 14-15 weeks pregnant and that was the BIGGEST mistake ever. I did not make that mistake again this time – no way! I started wearing maternity clothes on Monday and I’m so happy!

    So the tanks – those can be tricky and ride up, especially as you get bigger (even maternity ones can ride up). I highly suggest these: http://www.target.com/p/be-maternity-seamless-ruched-tank-assorted-colors/-/A-11293013#prodSlot=medium_1_4&term=maternity tank. I have 6 of them – so that I have one to wear every single day. I am so happy to have them – they keep me toasty even now without a big belly to fill them out.

    So proud of you for buying those pants! I bet you buy more next week 😉

  14. December 12, 2012

    People need to learn to shut their fat mouths. My (teeny-tiny) friend was in maternity clothes by week 10. I think because she started off so tiny the bump was just that much more pronounced and noticeable on her.

  15. December 12, 2012

    That’s a bunch of bull from whoever said that to you. I probably gained weight a bit too quickly (about 9ish lbs my first trimester) but oh well. I look fine. And I absolutely needed maternity pants (jeans especially) by 11 weeks. Even when I didn’t have a baby “bump” yet, my tummy could not be contained in regular pants. We are growing a baby in there! The hormones cause added bloat. Getting bigger is supposed to happen. Enjoy your new comfy clothes, and don’t feel guilty about it!

  16. December 12, 2012

    May I also suggest maternity yoga pants (old navy has some great ones). I still wear them, they are the best pants ever and near the end of my pregnancy were all that fit me on bottom.

    Maternity clothes nowadays are designed to make you look good. When I wore regular clothes over my bump I looked like I’d gained weight. When I wore maternity clothes over my bump I looked pregnant. It’s a big deference. Even (especially?) with tops. And I was pretty much out of my regular pants by 11 weeks, so you’re fine!

    Also, there are some cute maternity dresses at gap!

  17. meggola #
    December 12, 2012

    It is NOT to early to be needing comfy maternity clothes! You will become BFFs with your comfy pants and you deserve them! Especially with having gone through IVF and doing the PIO shots – you’re probably carrying some extra water weight. In fact, one of my pregnancy books said that women who have conceived through IVF do better when they gain around 5 pounds early on. They don’t know why, they just do. You’ve worked hard for that baby bump – wear it loud and proud! 🙂 You might want to make yourself an elastic belt or get a belly band – there’s a really awkward phase where your normal pants won’t fit, but maternity pants will be comfy but a little loose. I made myself a belt with a wide piece of elastic and some D rings – it was easy to make, super cheap, fully adjustable and flat so it didn’t show under clothes.

  18. December 12, 2012

    I was in maternity clothes at 5 weeks. Granted I has twins but that is how fast my body changed. Everyone is different!! Rock those clothes momma!

  19. shinara #
    December 12, 2012

    oh where oh where are those maternity pants?…I am 6′, 188lbs at 9 weeks, and can’t for the life of me find any that aren’t for skinny little “teenagers”. Nothing at Macy’s, Penny’s, Sears, I even tried to go to Nordstroms. (eeek) nothing! I am so afraid to have to go to one of those pricey little boutiques and pay out 200 bucks for a pair of pants. What the Hell! sigh….

    • December 12, 2012

      Ugh, I know it. I was bummed to shell out $60 for a pair of maternity cords from Loft and I’m not sure if they will even fit. You might want to check the website ASOS. They had some really cute maternity dresses. Didn’t check their pants yet though…

    • whatrhymeswithinfertile #
      December 13, 2012

      Target has a nice maternity line and the prices aren’t outrageous. I am not sure about pant lengths, but it’s worth a try. And the mall near my house has a specialty maternity store, I think it is called Motherhood and the prices were okay there too. http://www.motherhood.com

      • whatrhymeswithinfertile #
        December 13, 2012

        Yes, motherhood has a “Tall” size. I just checked.

  20. Kat #
    December 12, 2012

    Not sure how motivated to sew you are but I love Megan Neilsons maternity patterns. That way you also get clothes to fit you. I also made a bunch of maternity skirts, simple A line pattern and rather than a waist band just added a really wide ( like 30cm wide) lycra band and also did the same for pants. They were super comfy all through pregnancy and after and I have since removed the Lycra and added a real waistband.

  21. December 13, 2012

    That person is an idiot. (about this topic, anyway.) can I recommend that you NOT buy the Old Navy maternity jeans? My friend and I both had the same experience with them, mainly that they fell down when we were in public places? In my case, to my knees exposing my butt and gigantic pregnant granny panties to an aisle at Target. The elastic is not snug enough or something. Save yourself!!

  22. B #
    December 14, 2012

    It is not at all too early to be growing out of your pre-pregnancy clothes! By 12 weeks I couldn’t wear any of my pre-pregnancy pants and was living in stretchy maxi skirts AND I had lost nearly 15 pounds by that point due to vom-fest 2012. Don’t listen to their silliness!
    I hope enjoy your maternity clothes. 🙂 I’m loving mine. Though now that I’m 30 weeks I’m pretty much wanting to live in maternity leggings and the stretchiest of shirts, which is unfortunately not appropriate attire for a social worker.

  23. December 14, 2012

    Don’t listen to that person! Enjoy your new comfy clothes! I can’t give you any input on maternity clothing because I am wearing plus size, but I did get my pants from motherhood maternity and they are wonderful. I have heard great things about all their clothing.

  24. Lisa #
    September 21, 2013

    Just wanted to leave you a note to let you know how much your archive is helping me right now. I’m almost 11 weeks pregnant after a FET and 2.5 years of infertility and everything you experienced is really hitting home for me. I have been too superstitious to buy maternity clothes but I have been so uncomfortable this past week I decided to go for it. Also experiencing all the fear, and the fertile friends offering breastfeeding advice (too soon!) Thanks for writing, it’s so helpful for those of us going through the same thing!

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