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Midwife Appointment No. 2 – Boob pokes poking and feeling bold

01/08/2013

Belle

A bold step for Belle & the Professor: fabric swatches for the quilt I'll be making the Chicken.

A bold step for Belle & the Professor: fabric swatches for the quilt I’ll be making the Chicken.

I had my 16 week appointment today even though I’m only 15 weeks 4 days. My first appointment with the midwife consisted of asking questions, getting my weight and listening to the Chicken. I didn’t even have to take my pants off which was thrilling after two years of infertility and finding myself pants-free at every single appointment. For some reason I assumed that the next few appointments would be like this and was shocked when the nurse instructed me to undress completely and then set out materials for a Pap and inquired on how often I do self breast exams (never, I know, shame on me).

After a quick lecture the midwife came in and started the exam – listen to heart and lungs, check lymph nodes, look for swelling in legs and feet, and then begin breast exam.

“You really need to do this monthly so pay attention,” she said. “Put your hands on your hips… good. Now put your hands behind your head… Good. Now I’m going to check your right breast…” After the right boob was thoroughly manhandled she moved into tackle the left. I don’t know if I jumped or if she twitched or what, but somehow her index finger ended up poking me square in the nipple, much like someone would press a doorbell.

We stopped dead in our tracks and stared at each other in disbelief that this actually just happened. After a few seconds of crickets we dissolved into giggles. Her face turned beet red as she apologized over and over saying that is not part of the exam and she did not mean to do that. I just sat there laughing hysterically and then looked at her with absolute seriousness and said “Ding Dong.”

More giggles ensued and I realized that I might actually be ok with this lady delivering my baby. A fist-pumping midwife with a sense of humor and the ability to laugh about uncomfortable things like boobs and accidental nipple pokes has got to be great in the delivery room, right?

Boobs aside, the appointment went well. She kindly pointed out that I have already gained too much weight (I blame holiday cookies and endless toast) and that I need to watch it. I assured her that we are working on eating better and that I’m striving to exercise 5 days a week. Hopefully that will help to slow the gain.

We also took some time to listen to the Chicken, who is thumping along beautifully. We went over my 12 week NT scan results which gave me a 1 in 10,000 chance of having Trisomy 21 or 18. This is the first time in my reproductive life that the odds are substantially in my favor. I’ll take it! And then she said something that I don’t think I’ll ever tire of – everything looks normal.

Holy shit, I’m normal. My baby is normal. My pregnancy is normal. I can’t tell you how much hope this simple statement gives me. In fact, it gave me so much peace that after my appointment I felt bold enough to order fabric to make the Chicken a quilt. The Professor and I picked the fabrics out last night and debated actually ordering while it was on temporary sale and I had a 10% off coupon.

After a funny appointment that ended in me being dubbed “normal” I figured what the hell, I’ll make the Chicken a quilt and if anything happens then it can be sold on Etsy and the profits used to purchase enough Pinot Noir and vegan date bars to prepare me for life as a childless woman.

But that won’t be happening and in 6 more months I’ll be spending my Pinot allowance on all the stuff that babies need that I’m in no way prepared to buy!

 

 

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27 Comments

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  1. January 8, 2013

    “Ding Dong” totally had me in stitches! I am so happy to hear that all is normal…yeah!!

  2. Jen #
    January 8, 2013

    AGH, I am SO HAPPY that things are going so well for you. I just had my 16 week appointment today and “normal” has been the most glorious word. Your midwife sounds awesome and like a great fit for you! Congrats!

  3. January 8, 2013

    Ding Dong. HA HA HA HA. Yeah, she sounds like a keeper!

    YAY for being normal- that’s such great news!!

  4. January 8, 2013

    Awesome story! That would be concerning, but funny!

    I’m so glad you’re normal! I already knew that, but I’m glad you know it now too! And props to you for buying quilt fabric. YAY!

  5. January 8, 2013

    Haha, well I guess if she’s delivering your baby, there could surely be more body-part awkwardness than a little nipple poke — so that’s a good sign! Love the fabric swatches you chose — is quilting hard?? Quilts are always so expensive, I’d love to make my own.

    Also, are you planning to find out if Chicken is a boy or girl?

    • January 9, 2013

      I’ve actually never quilted! I have a modern quilt book and the instructions look simple enough. I’ll let you know how it goes! As for gender – we are going to wait and find out at birth! I love surprises!

      • January 9, 2013

        Yay, I’ll keep checking for quilting updates then (man, how lame does that sound?). Haha 🙂

  6. January 8, 2013

    Oh, that’s going to be a gorgeous quilt!

    This midwife keeps getting better and better. Glad to hear severe awkwardness was averted!

    And apparently my brain has made a gender prediction without telling me; I thought to myself it’s too bad you’re not having a girl because I have some cute stuff to share with you!

    • January 9, 2013

      I am 99% certain it is a boy myself, although we are not finding out until the baby is born 🙂

  7. Infertility Can Suck It #
    January 8, 2013

    Ha ha! Love it!! I agree that pants-on appointments are exciting as well. I had my first one last time and actually stopped her before she left and asked if I should still take them off. She said not until 30 weeks! Cheers to warm booties 🙂 Love you fabric too!! Did you find it on Fabricworm?? I’m in love with their patterns and am leaning towards the pattern with the little fishermen. So glad everything is going well for you!! Big congrats!!

    • January 9, 2013

      I did buy it on Fabric Worm and I had seriously considered the fisherman fabric! There is a coupon out right now for an extra 10% off your order until Thursday. Shoot me an email if you want me to forward it to you!

  8. January 8, 2013

    I love the fabric combo for Chicken’s quilt! Even more love for the ding dong story. That is classic! I’m so happy that normal is the new norm for you!

  9. January 8, 2013

    I can’t wait to see the quilt!! I’ve been crushing on a couple of modern quilting books. I think I may need to learn to sew first…

  10. January 8, 2013

    Yay!!

  11. WTW #
    January 8, 2013

    Haha! That is hilarious. I had my 16 week check-up yesterday too and had the full-on breast exam as well. Was a little surprised but figured, hey, it’s nice to be treated like a “normal” woman for once! Here’s to normal pregnancies for both of us and beautiful babies a few months!

    • January 9, 2013

      The boob exam really shocked me! As did the internal exam… I had no idea that so much hand would go up there!

  12. January 8, 2013

    That story is hilarious! She sounds like she could actually make delivery fun! And I love the swatches. I can’t wait to see what your nursery ends up looking like! Yay for normal!

  13. January 8, 2013

    Baaaahahaha I’m freaking dyyyyyying Belle!!!!!! Ding dong! And I loooooove the fabric. Such beautiful colors and patterns.

    Eeeek!!!!! I’m so excited. And I love that your anxiety level is so low. This is just so wonderful!!

  14. January 9, 2013

    I bet a lot of expectant moms hear that they have gained too much weight after the holidays lol. No doctor has told me that yet, but im trying to eat more healthy too! I think every woman is different as nd our bodies know what they are doing as long as we dont have crappy diets. Im so glad everything is going well! I love the quilt colors, maybe you could find a fabric with baby chicks at some point too!

  15. January 9, 2013

    OMG I love your humor! You are too funny. So glas it was such a good and funny appointment. I love the colors and patterns you are using for the quilt. It’s going to beautiful, just like the experience of this pregnancy! So happy for you!!

  16. jak #
    January 9, 2013

    NORMAL HOOORRRAAYYY!!!!!!!!!!!! wow. everything sounds excellent. even the quilt colors rock. you are going to have a cool kid and be a rockin’ cool mom, but other than that, i wish you lots and lots of continued “normal” 😉

  17. jak #
    January 9, 2013

    sorry for the re-comment, BUT! i clicked on the fabric swatches at the top and holy poo, ITS BIKES!!!! that’s is so cool!!!!!

    you remind me of my mom. she used to take me and my little bro on really, really, really, no REALLY long bike rides. to the craziest places. and really long hikes. but we loved it. it was awesome. and we are now all healthy grown-ups who love the outdoors. your kid is going to have so much fun….

    • January 9, 2013

      Your mom sounds pretty bad ass 🙂 I remember my father taking me on a few long bike rides to exciting places. I always felt like such a rebel!

  18. January 9, 2013

    Love the fabric choices!!!

    Wonderful news that everything is NORMAL! Hooray! And your midwife sounds amazing 🙂

  19. 35life #
    January 9, 2013

    LOL! You just can’t make this kind of stuff up! Too funny! Love the quilt fabric, btw!

  20. Arbrefleur #
    January 9, 2013

    So happy for you everything is normal!! I can’t WAIT to be normal someday! 🙂 The quilt patterns and colors are perfect and, like Science, I will anxiously be awaiting Quilt Progress Reports. As a total side note, how on EARTH have you already gained too much weight? Didn’t you just do a “belly” photo a little while ago which showed a skinny person with hardly any belly? I know I’ve never been pregnant but how much is one “supposed” to have gained…you’re almost halfway through! Anyway, congrats again on the great appt!

  21. January 11, 2013

    Hahahaha I think she is perfect for you! I love the fabric you picked out!

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