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A Non-Sponsored Product Review: My Life Raft

01/10/2013

Belle

Source. According to this riveting (sarcasm) study, my sleeping position implies that "freefall" sleepers are often "gregarious and brash people, but can be nervy and thin-skinned underneath, and don't like criticism, or extreme situations." Don't know how much stock I put in this experiment. Furthermore, who the hell funded this and would they please fund my husbands actual research?! :)

Source. According to this riveting (sarcasm) study, my sleeping position implies that “free fall” sleepers are often “gregarious and brash people, but can be nervy and thin-skinned underneath, and don’t like criticism, or extreme situations.” Uh, who the hell funded this and would they please fund my husbands actual research?! 🙂

I am used to be a stomach sleeper. Nothing was cozier then crawling into clean sheets, covering up with a nicely weighted quilt and snuggling down on you tummy for a good 8 hours. Ah, cozy!

Then the uterus started growing and suddenly my cozy comfy front sleeping was no longer cozy nor comfy. It just plain hurt and was making me grumpy(er). I tried using our bed pillows but they did not have the right curve. I considered altering some pillows but was too daunted (read: lazy) to actually give it a shot. I tried sleeping on my futon (to firm) and on the guest bed (too soft) and nothing seemed to provide the level of cozy I was used to.

And so I caved and Googled pregnancy pillows and a whole new world of cozy bed hogging unfurled in front of my eyes.

The Professor and I have a California King sized bed and each have our assigned side; we meet in the middle for relations and then retreat to our designated dents. Whenever we are forced to sleep in smaller beds I find that his large nose produces so much nose air that I can FEEL it on my skin. It is disgusting and freaks me out and often results in a lot of griping and us sleeping “rump-to-rump,” which is also unacceptable because who the hell wants to touch butts with someone when they sleep? Especially someone who produces an unusual amount of gas (I’ll let you speculate who the gas-producing culprit is in this relationship… ahem, vegan chili…).

Enough about my nose air issues and space requirements – the Cali King bed fits all our special needs and makes for three happy campers and provides room to spare. Because of this I figured it was ok to explore some of the more luxuriously large pregnancy pillows. Pillows that would allow me to turn around at night and not have to haul five feet of polyester fiber-fill with me, most likely terrifying the cat and whacking my sleeping husband on the head. And so I ordered this embarrassingly expensive pillow:

If you will notice, nowhere in the product images do you see a photo of how much space this sucker actually takes up in a bed. They also fail to show how your cat will see this huge pillow as a delightful runway to pounce on your head nor is there video of your husband waking up at 2 a.m. yelling that he is balancing on the last two inches of the bed, “would you please move your fucking pillow?”

What they do show is an adorable baby and mama snuggling in it (Instant tears of hormonal joy  -*BABEEEE*) and an adorable pet curled up in it (Fluffy!).  I had no idea how much bed real-estate this pillow would actually  consume or how dramatically it might affect my fellow bed-mates.

Thrifty little me who HATES the idea of spending $60 on maternity pants spent $65 on a bed monster.

It arrived in a humongous box, which I lugged in when the Professor was downstairs job hunting. He glanced up briefly to ask, “What the hell did you buy?!”

“A pillow.”

“Really? THAT is a pillow?”

“Yeah… It’s a pregnancy pillow.”

“Ugh….”

I opened the box half expecting it to only fill part of the box and the pillow monster immediately puffed out to greet me. “Hello Belle! Welcome to Bed Hogging, Side Sleeping Wonder!”

The Professor groaned, “Oh my God, we are never having sex again, are we?” he asked.

“Of course we will! We just will do it in my life raft!”

This was on Saturday. Today is Thursday. No life raft sex has occurred and the Professor is ready to start sleeping in the guest room. He has woken up twice saying that me and my life raft needed to “move the hell over” or else he’d end up on the floor.

The pillow has also put a serious kink into Yum Yum’s and my evening snuggle routine. Now she has to wedge herself in between the pillow and my piping hot body or brave sleeping on my thrashing feet. The past two nights she refused to come into bed until I had moved the pillow and created enough space for her by my head, her spot of choice. While this made more space for my cat, it started to encroach upon the Professors side sending him into fits over the bed hogging pillow monster.

While my husband and cat are less-then-thrilled with my new life raft, I am freaking overjoyed. Y’all, this is the most snugly I have EVER FELT while sleeping on my side. I feel so protected and cozy and almost like I’m sleeping on my stomach. An unintended bonus: the life raft pillow shields me from any far-reaching nose air! It’s as if I’ve hit the cozy jackpot! Now if only I could convince my husband and cat the same…

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25 Comments

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  1. January 10, 2013

    I wish so very much that I had spent the money on one of these. Instead I end up with a fortress of pillows that I have to rearrange every hour when I need to roll over. I’m glad that you are cozy in bed again, and I am confident that the professor and yum yum will get used to the new arrangements. 🙂

  2. jak #
    January 10, 2013

    bherhahahahaha!!!!, “we’re never having sex again , are we?” that is totally something my prof. husband would say also if i bought that pillow. good to hear it’s working (as birth control!).

  3. January 10, 2013

    seriously laughed out loud at this post. We also have a king bed. I can’t stand to feel hubs breath (he’s a mouth breather). I have a prego pillow but alas, it’s only one side which means the middle of the night side switch is impossible without rearranging the entire bed. Also, I find that my body is just to HOT to sleep with anything. I mean, seriously, I am just like radiating heat.

    Thanks for the laugh! Glad you’re comfy!!!

    • January 10, 2013

      I hear that the hotness only gets worse. As it is, I require the room to be a chill 65 in order to fall asleep. Meanwhile the husband and cat shiver. I’ll be sure to let them know to enjoy the balmy 65 now and that it will likely only get worse 🙂

  4. January 10, 2013

    AHAHAHAHA… OK, I totally didn’t get how big it was until I clicked through to the Amazon listing and saw the pictures. You aren’t kidding! But seriously, as an owner of a King sized bed and a husband who has major sleep issues (think eye mask, ear plugs, mouth guard, white noise machine, black-out drapes, and a variety of pillows over his head), I can totally empathize. I’m also a stomach sleeper — and I do NOT believe that chart that claims only 5% of people are. Sorry, who the heck is sleeping in a perfect log position?! Ridic.

    • January 10, 2013

      I Know! The log position cracked me up 🙂 Oh, I also have blackout drapes, two white noise makers and a remote for our window unit so I can keep myself properly chilled all night. The Professor had no idea what he was in for when he asked me to be his wife 🙂

  5. Jennifer #
    January 10, 2013

    This is awesome! My pregnancy pillow also caused King-sized bed issues. Since I’m only 12 weeks along, I have banished it until I can no longer stand tummy sleeping. Even though I outweigh the husband by a good 40 lbs, he was still managing to push me and the octopus pillow (It looks like a giant insane question mark) nearly off my side of the bed while I was trying it out. I also need the house to be at sub-artic temps while I sleep, but I am married to Scrooge McDuck, so unless a cold front passes through Arizona, I’m screwed.

    • January 10, 2013

      Ooooh, pregnant in Az sounds like zero fun. The Professor is from Phoenix and occasionally talks of moving back. All I have to do is mention the need for 24-7 AC and he changes his tune 🙂 Good luck with your pregnancy and with finding comfy sleep!

  6. Shelley #
    January 10, 2013

    I might need to buy said life raft. I have been struggling to get comfortable sleep lately. I bought a Boppy wedge but it’s tiny (to DH’s delight!) and doesn’t work for me at all. I’ve been trying to avoid buying the big one for size and cost reasons but eventually, I know I’ll have to cave!

    • January 10, 2013

      Well I highly recommend the life raft! It is seriously the coziest I’ve been in quite some time. Well worth the $65. We can have a post partum life raft repurposing challenge afterwards, too 🙂

  7. January 10, 2013

    My friend bought this pillow, too, and LOVED it. She loved it so much that when they travelled from Colorado to New York to visit family, she crammed it into a full-size suitcase, checked the bag, and slept with it in NY. The stay was only four days long, and this is the first time in 10 years of friendship I’ve known her to check a bag.

  8. Infertility Can Suck It #
    January 10, 2013

    Ha ha! This had me cracking up 🙂 I’ve been debating one too, but we only have a queen sized bed and I’m married to “the creeping vine”. 🙂 He seems to think he’ll serve as a pregnancy pillow, only he heats up to 1 million degrees at night. Maybe it’s time to find a bigger bed… So glad to hear you’re getting the rest you need and if I know kitties, they’ll find a work around 🙂

  9. January 10, 2013

    Pregnancy pillows are AWESOME! I need to order one. I borrowed one last time and want my own this time. Funny – the one I want is the one you have! Good choice – you can flip from side to side and not move the pillow!

  10. January 10, 2013

    This pillow is the best thing ever. I adore mine. I’m using it in the U position rather than the n position and it’s the best thing ever. We only have a queen but it’s totally worth it (and the nose air buffer is tremendously beneficial). Totally worth every penny.

  11. January 10, 2013

    What I learned from this post and the comments: Grey and I really need to buy a new bed. After 8 1/2 yrs of marriage, we’re still sleeping in the full size bed he purchased before we met (excuses range from both of us being graduate students, lack of funds because we had just purchased a place, to the “we’re hoping to move soon, so we’ll just buy a new one then). So every night consists of Grey and I sleeping almost on top of one another, negotiating space with 2 cats. I can’t fathom trying to fit your pillow in with all of that.

    That said, I’m thrilled you found something that helps you sleep better. Too often I hear of women complain about lack of sleep during the later stages of pregnancy, so anything you can do to help you sleep through the night I fully support. Sorry Yum yum and Professor.

  12. meggola #
    January 10, 2013

    I say your husband has to learn to deal with it – you’re carrying his child for crying out loud! You need to be comfortable and get your rest!

  13. January 10, 2013

    You had me laughing out loud, there! I completely understand what you mean about the nose air. I hate to feel like I’m breathing in air that just came out of his nose… Ugh.

  14. January 10, 2013

    HAHAHAHAHA omg I laughed out loud and had to tell my husband about this.

    We sleep in a Queen sized bed and I had a pregnancy pillow and two body pillows and three regular pillows. My husband had about 6 inches to himself. He was very good about it, all things considered … he got his space back, but not his sleep, once the babies arrived! I’m finally sleeping on my belly again, back to one pillow, and I still hog the bed…!!!

    BTW when I can feel my husband’s nose breath I tell him that I am breathing in his “exhalance” (sounds like “excellence”). 😀

  15. January 11, 2013

    I got a snoogle pillow and we were in a queen bed. It took up so much room that the Hubby was on the edge of the bed and was basically using the pillow and my belly as an arm rest. We just splurged on a king bed so we have so much more room now! I think the Professor and your kitties will get used to it eventually. It definitely helps with sleeping comfortably. Remind the professor that there are 3 in the bed now, 4 with the cat.

  16. January 11, 2013

    LOL! My hubs LOATHED the Snoogle. It is so huge and so was I, but it helped me sleep. I promised to let him make a bonfire with it after delivery. We haven’t found the time for that yet so it’s in a closet taking up massive amounts of space. Enjoy side sleeping with your pillow. I also used a wedge with the Snoogle.

  17. January 12, 2013

    This cracks me up because it’s so true. I just used a regular body pillow (not super helpful, but I am cheap) and it took up a ton of room in our king sized bed. My hubby felt like he was in another time zone. And for the record, he did sleep in the guest bed a lot in the end.

  18. January 13, 2013

    I had the snoogle pillow and I could never get comfy with it. I’m a stomach sleeper too and the snoogle helped a little but I didn’t love it. This seems like a much nicer pillow even if it does take up a ton of room!!

  19. January 13, 2013

    I hate hate hate the nose air!! And…we like to snuggle butt to butt. Lol!

    I’m so jealous of your bed monster; I think I would love it. When I’m alone (or sometimes not) I sleep in a U of pillows and comforters.

  20. Jen #
    January 18, 2013

    I just got my very first BFP today from our first FET after 3 years of trying. I googled “how long before a squinter darkens” and came to your page. You write with such a humorous tone that I just keep reading and reading but this post about the pillow is hands down the most hilarious thing I have ever read. I think my husband thinks I have lost my mind. Thank you for making an already bright day even brighter! Good luck with the rest of your pregnancy!

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