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Names and Gender Reveal

02/06/2013

Belle

Source. Ok, well this photo might have just ruined the name CALE for me!

The Professor and I have been going back and forth about whether or not to find out the Chicken’s gender at the 20 week scan next week, or to be patient and find out the old-fashioned way. I’m still not 100% sold either way, although I’m leaning towards not finding out.

The Pros to Not Finding Out Gender:

  • Friends and family are more likely to purchase the things we actually need rather than get caught up in a moment of “SQEEEE! Look at those pink ruffles!” This is a biggie for us. We live in a small-ish house and are currently facing the very real possibility of moving to NYC to an even smaller place. There is no space in our little abode for impractical things.
  • This is 100% my opinion and I don’t judge anyone who believes otherwise. I’m extremely into gender neutrality, both for children and adults. I believe our true colors and talents can better develop if we are not pigeonholed into the “boys wear blue and play sports and girls wear pink and dance” mentality. What if my son wants to take dance? I want to let this shine – be it a phase he’ll outgrow or an integral part of his persona. How will I know if I assign gender norms before he even enters the world? Not finding out gender would at least allow the Professor and I to meet our baby and have an introduction to his or her unique personality before society starts assigning labels.
  • We get an AWESOME surprise on the birth day! Sometimes I worry that my natural childbirth plan might not pan out as I envision. While I can’t control how my body reacts to squeezing out a human, I can control our surprise and delight when we learn what as been occupying my uterus for the better part of a year.
  • This is our only child – we are not going to get another chance to be surprised. (And please don’t tell me that miracles happen.)
  • Nothing about the IVF process is a “surprise.” Seriously. All the wonder and mystery of reproduction is sort of ripped away about the time they put a giant needle into your crotch and suck out your eggs. Yanno?

The Cons to Not Finding Out Gender:

  • The grandparents will harass. A lot. 
  • Bonding with the baby might be more difficult? The jury is still out on this one as every day I feel a tiny bit more in love with this creature. I even looked at buying a book to read to him or her in utero so maybe there is hope?
  • Names. Sigh. Choosing names is hard. If we knew what I was cooking it would eliminate 50% of our name anguish.
  • People will stop judging and accosting me with their opinion. People are SO RUDE when it comes to pregnancy/parenting and opinion sharing. While some folks get all gooey over the thought of a gender surprise, others think I’m being insensitive to the gift givers. Really? Is it THAT HARD to buy a green, yellow or just plain white onsie? I don’t think so.

I think the naming issue is our biggest hurdle. The Professor and I have DRASTICALLY different views on what makes a good name. My parents named me Sa.rah B.eth. At any given time in my schooling and professional life I have had at least one other Sa.rah making life complicated. Often going by my full name was not an option either because at least one of the other Sa.rah’s inevitably had the same middle name. (I actually legally changed my middle name to Be.lle when I got married – a story for another day). The Professor’s name is J.ay. Like the bird. Simple, beautiful and unique. Also rhymes with gay and was the source of a good amount of childhood heckling. (Dang, y’all, kids are mean!)

I fancy different names that will help the child find his or her unique place in life. The Professor fancies names that are mind-bogglingly mundane. A recent conversation went something like this:

Belle: How about the name Cale for a boy? It is short, manly, does not rhyme with gay and is not terribly common.

Professor: Like the vegetable? NO.

Belle: Sigh, not like the vegetable. There are different spelling options: CALE or CAEL. Or we could be true to our love of greens and go with KALE. It would be appropriate.

Professor: Absolutely not. I can’t name my child after a food.

Belle: Naming our child after a vegetable is a joke. Cale is a great name!

Professor: How about Jeff. I like Jeff. Or we could always name him after a mathematician.

Belle: *Groan* Like your cats are named after mathematicians?

Professor: *with glee* YES!

Knowing the gender would eliminate the stress of having to narrow down lists of both boy and girl names. But is that reason enough to ruin all the other pros? Honestly, some days I just don’t know. What do you think? Did you or will you find out the gender or are you going to wait? Do you and your spouse have differing opinions on what makes a good name? Does anyone know how to brainwash a husband into liking the name Cale? 🙂

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54 Comments

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  1. February 6, 2013

    It’s such a personal decision that I have no opinion one way or the other on what you should do. You have very good reasons for not wanting to know the sex before the baby is born, but of course not knowing creates its own issues. Something to think about, though: you could perhaps find out the sex (thus making the naming decision easier) and just decide to keep it yourselves. Go ahead and lie if you need to and tell people you didn’t find out.

    J and I were always on the same page about finding out the gender. We wanted to know. For me, it wasn’t because I wanted one gender more than the other, but in an odd way it actually makes all of this seem a little bit more real to me. It’s no longer just “the baby”. Now I know that there’s a little boy growing in there and I can give him his name. That’s a huge thing for me. Also, I really did want to know so I could start buying things. Like you, I’m not big into stereotypical gender roles, but honestly? I just don’t see a whole lot of gender neutral stuff out there that I like! That being said, things like the stroller, playard, crib, and nursery theme were going to be the same, no matter what the sex was.

    For what it’s worth – I like Cale. 🙂

  2. February 6, 2013

    Ooh it’s all exciting! We didn’t find out and didn’t regret it at all, I liked the sense of mystery, we were definitely in the minority in that sense! After 2 days of labour my birth plan lay in a scrumpled up ball in the corner of the room and I just focused on what the little person would be like. Names were tricky and we could only really agree on a girl’s name, which was fortunate as that’s what she turned out to be! We were bought lots of practical gifts and I don’t regret it at all (it also meant family went out and got more stuff when they found out she was a girl 😉 )

  3. February 6, 2013

    I used to think I would want to know, but you’re right, IVF strips all surprise out of his journey and now I firmly do not want to know. Unfortunately my husband does not agree. If he doesn’t change his mind he might find out and I will still make sure I don’t. But if that happens and he accidentally spills it I will be mad!

  4. February 6, 2013

    Great pro/con list; thanks for sharing it! I’m about 13 weeks and starting to debate the question myself. I think I’m on the side of finding out and not telling anyone that we found out. I totally agree with wanting things to be as gender-neutral as possible, and I know my relatives well enough to know that the “squeeee ruffles” effect will win out over practicality every. single. time. Luckily, my cousin is a few months further along than I am and not finding out the sex, so she at least set the precedent. 😉 But oh, the grandparent pressure. It is fierce. I guess it’s good practice to start resisting it now so I can when I really need to? Oof.

    I share your first name (and have a longer version of your middle name…), and I feel your pain there. I generally like traditional and straightforward names, but there’s a tiny part of me that likes, say, Wren or something like that, and yeah, that’s partly for the reason that there aren’t likely to be that many of them in the kid’s kindergarten class. But my husband’s reaction is usually, “Wren? Uh… I’m not big on it.” Sigh. Back to the drawing board…

    • February 6, 2013

      !!! Wren is on my list of “names I love but the Professor does not!” It’s a GREAT name! We have found some compromise by selecting old fashioned names that are out of vogue but are not “weird” (like Cale!). Also, I think every relative suffers from the Squee Ruffles effect 🙂

      • February 6, 2013

        oh, WREN! Love it!

        • Shinara #
          February 6, 2013

          I vote for Wren!

  5. February 6, 2013

    Good luck deciding! I think it’s a boy 😉

    • February 6, 2013

      Lol! I learn towards boy, too! Maybe we’ll do some sort of a voting thingy when it gets closer to time….

  6. WTW #
    February 6, 2013

    The name thing was the one reason I was tempted to find out…but then decided it wasn’t a good enough reason. If it takes a few days after baby (babies in my case) is born to settle on a name, who cares? Many cultures don’t name their babies until quite a while after birth. I have a list of boy and girl names on the fridge and each time I think of one I like I add it. T does the same and I figure, sooner or later, we’ll come up with ones we both like! I also had a Pro/Con list and the pros of waiting just won out! I agree with you on the practical gift aspect. I was at a shower recently for a woman who is having a girl and it was ALL pink and ruffles! Not one practical thing! This will be our only pregnancy too and I decided to let it be a surprise for everyone! Most of my friends are in the “find out” camp (surprisingly my family is on board with us about not finding out) but I just tell them “I like surprises, you aren’t going to change my mind” and that normally shuts them up.

  7. faith #
    February 6, 2013

    You have great points on both sides. I agree with what the above posters said as well. It is personal. You don’t have to decide now either..if you decide not to but then in a month want to know..then go ahead and find out. I did not find out for my first. We wanted the surprise. (for the record..the ENTIRE pregnancy I KNEW I was having a boy..calling him HE in my pregnancy journal, etc. We were all pretty damn shocked when HE came out a SHE!) Needless to say, I found out with the second. After finding out..I decided that it is a nice way to break up the pregnancy. Instead of being totally consumed with me, me. me….I was able to focus on HE. And putting a name to that HE and clothes and baby stuff and….well..it just got exciting to know that he was, in fact, a HE. There is nothing like the surprise when you birth a baby you don’t know the sex of..however..it’s still pretty cool finding out through the ultrasound. You could always do it a unique way like you are so good a doing..have the tech write it down..but don’t read it. Have someone bake a cake and put the answer inside..IDK..something crazy to make it more fun yet surprising…turn it into a partay!! LOL!

  8. February 6, 2013

    There are always gender neutral names!

    Ian and I agreed on a lot of names, but we each had a couple that the other wasn’t a fan of. I think if we have a ‘miracles happen’ moment I’m obligated to let him name our baby Optimus Prime. I can’t keep up with all the ones I started agreeing to, just to end a name discussion before tears.

    And does stuff *have* to be gender neutral? Abby has a blue bed, a yellow bookcase, and a pink curtain. I know no one wants to set their child up for ridicule, but there’s such a small window to enjoy dressing them as we like.

    Good luck with the brainwashing! I like the name Cale.

    • February 6, 2013

      Hooray, April! Gender neutral is nice in theory, but when you really look at it, the things that we decide are “neutral” are actually quite masculine. Back in the caveman days, everyone wore “skirts” disguised as loin cloths. If you ask me, THAT is gender-neutral! Bring on the skirts for EVERYONE!

    • jak #
      February 6, 2013

      OPTIMUS PRIME I LOVE IT!

      i was instructed by my siblings that if any of us has twins, they WILL be named luke and leia. period. no questions.

  9. February 6, 2013

    This is such a personal thing, Belle! I am a BIG fan of knowing ahead of time so we can sort out names (we are NOT agreeing on any boy names right now and need lots of time for this, apparently) and so that I can think of him or her as, well, a him or her. I love referring to him as “him” or “our littlest boy” etc. It’s also fun to prepare, especially if this is your only child. You can always find out yourselves and NOT tell anyone else. Lots of people do this.

    I also think it’s a surprise no matter when you find out – at the scan, at a gender reveal event (we did this the first time – I was embarrassed by it but our family LOVED finding out with us), or in the delivery room. Same surprise, just different timing.

    People are tending to go the surprise route these days. Drives me crazy – HA! I want to know what everyone is having!!!!

    My friend and her husband did hold off, and then she needed an emergency c-section in which she was completely put under. They found out separately what their first child was (he found out when the nurse came out of the OR to tell him, she found out alone in recovery). I know that she wishes they’d found out together ahead of time. This scenario is SO unlikely, but something to think about.

  10. February 6, 2013

    Omg, not even kidding, my husband and I JUST had this exact same conversation — I’m not even preggo, but I generally dislike most boy names and was complaining about this to my sister, who then suggested Kale (or Kael or whatever) and I was like YES! And then my hubby said “no way”. He’s definitely into plain names, whereas I’m all about weird shit like Cardigan, Clover, Lark, etc.

    Honestly, kids are going to make fun of other people’s names no matter what they are (even “Vanessa” somehow got turned into “Vagina” once!). And frankly, you can NOT name your child Jeff! That’s the worst idea ever.

    • February 6, 2013

      How about a compromise: Cayley, after the mathematician Arthur Cayley?

      Or, you know, Archimedes…

      • Arbrefleur #
        February 6, 2013

        LOL – Cardigan! I love it! Awesome.

    • February 6, 2013

      I kind of like Cale, but then you spelled it Kael, now it just reminds me of Kal-El (Superman’s birth name) and I am now confused as to how I feel about it haha

  11. Shelley #
    February 6, 2013

    I’m so sorry you and the Professor aren’t on the same page with naming. Generally there are two categories – people who like offbeat names, and people who like standard names. Luckily, DH and I are on the exact same page with this. We even searched the social security index to make sure the name we’ve chosen isn’t on the list of popular names (going to blog about this soon). You’ll both have to compromise a little, I’m assuming and pick a name that’s maybe a little tame for you but a little risky for the Prof.

    And I hear you on finding out the gender. I hate blue for boys, pink and frilly for girls. I didn’t want to find out for all the same reasons. But then circumstances changed and finding out the gender HUGELY helped me bond with the baby, made me so much more excited for the future (vs terrified at what we’re facing), made naming so much easier, and it’s just so nice to think and talk about “my son.” We’re still going to hold from revealing the name and that will be the big reveal when he’s born. 🙂 OMG I can’t wait for that moment.

  12. jak #
    February 6, 2013

    TO BRAINWASH A PROF HUSBAND: don’t push what you want too hard. just suggest it, then keep bringing it up as still on your list. don’t rudely rule out his dumb suggestions, but say to him, “that’s an option. i’m not sold on it, but it’s not out either.” then eventually he may come around to responding to your suggestions the same way. this worked for my prof dh and i and we were able to settle on both a boy name and a girl name just in case we are surprised once the peanut is born.

    ON FINDING OUT WHETHER A ROOSTER OR A HEN: we were torn, but we found out anyway since the sonographer said “you might as well look because i have to make sure that region looks healthy anyway”. but we aren’t telling a soul. i hate gender roles as well. they limit children and are a source of torment to children that find themselves somewhere in the middle of the extremes. and i can’t imagine having my own head squeezed into one of those asshole-ish headbands with a bow on it WHEN I DONT HAVE ANY HAIR AND THEREFORE NO NEED FOR A HEADBAND and i think it’s stupid to put an infant in a football jersey. and can you imagine being a child, learning to crawl, toddle and walk, and your dipshit parents shoving you in a pair of tights that keep falling down?! i HATE that feeling and i’m grown up enough to hike my own tights up when that starts to happen. my child will wear sta.r war.s apparel only. j/k. but there will be a y.oda hat and possibly an e.wok costume on their first halloween. we painted the nursery chartruese (sp?) and dark purples. our lips are sealed. but! you will need to arrange for (i desired) circumcision if you will be birthing out of the hospital like we are. so we needed to alert a doc, just in case its a boy.

    i just want to know that you get to count chicken’s fingers and toes and everything looks good and hen or rooster is measuring right on target for your due date. and i think cale is a fabulous name. for a boy or a girl. i wish i had thought of it!

    • February 6, 2013

      Those headbands are the WORST!! Especially the ones with giant flowers… Not. Cute.

  13. Bette Manning #
    February 6, 2013

    My daughters’ physical therapist name is Kail (girl) so you could change the spelling and have the same name for either! Problem solved, of course you still have to convince your husband. When I was pregnant with my daughter I told my husband we were going to name her Callie Ann, he said I don’t really like that name, I said he had 9 months to get used to it! Good luck with whatever you decide.

  14. February 6, 2013

    We know the most AWESOME person and his name is Ka.yle!! He is seriously rad. His name makes him even more cool. Tell the Professor I say it’s a solid name. 😉

    And oh I hope you find out, but it is YOUR choice. Not mine, not the grandparents’.

    On Wed, Feb 6, 2013 at 6:33 AM, Scrambled Eggs

  15. 35life #
    February 6, 2013

    If you decide to wait, you will get a lot of yellow and green clothing. LOL! I was surprised that my sister and brother-in-law decided to not find out the gender and they were having twins! Talk about restraint! I, on the other hand, would want to know. I’m just too much of a planner and I think it would drive me crazy. Years ago I thought I’d want the element of surprise, but now, by the time I ever even get pregnant, that in itself will be surprise enough for me. 🙂 I like the name Cale and wish I had some good persuasion tips for you!

  16. February 6, 2013

    The name Cale is amazing!!! So manly and unique. Boo professor!

    My hubby any I would never be able to agree on names so I stuck to family names. Archie is named after my maiden name, the hub hated it at first but I wore him down. We didn’t officially decide until he was born and by then the hub sort of had to go with whatever I wanted since, ya know, I just pushed him out of my body! 😉 good luck in the battle!!

  17. Romy #
    February 6, 2013

    We did find out but with the compromise that we aren’t telling anyone other than our parents and siblings.
    The two big reasons for me were bonding more with the baby and making my pregnancy more real and getting to fully enjoy the gender reveal. I read about this a lot and many people who waited liked the surprise but also said it kind of didn’t matter anymore at that point and that after being in labour they couldn’t have cared less if the baby had turned out to be of a different species lol
    For me, the bonding part has definitely worked but I don’t know if I would have felt this way anyway after the anatomy scan; maybe knowing that the baby passed all the major tests would have allowed me to let go of a lot of my fear anyway.

    • Romy #
      February 6, 2013

      Oh and I love Kael!

  18. Melanie #
    February 6, 2013

    Hi Belle, I loved my surprise as everyone but my dad told me I was going to have a boy! A girl came, and she was healthy! I knew since I was eight years old that if I had a girl, I would name her Viviane. When discussing names when I first got pregnant, I gave my darling husband my choice…and he did not like it. Months passed, more discussions, more names…and then in my last month, I came back to the name! All of a sudden, he loved it, did not even remember that we had pushed it aside. Sometimes, the name just has to settle it’s way in their brain…

  19. February 6, 2013

    I loved not finding out and will do if for all future pregnancies, it made for an awesome moment in the delivery room =) I was wishy washy the whole pregnancy about whether I conciously thought it was a boy or girl but I ALWAYS called it a “he”, it was fun to find out that was because it WAS A HE!

  20. February 6, 2013

    We waited. I LOVED it. Every day I changed my guess. I love surprises and she was our greatest surprise. And it in no way affected our bond. I didn’t prefer either sex, but when they told me she was a girl I bawled (happy tears). We also had name issues!! I love unique and I love gender neutral names. My husband….ugh, he wanted to name a boy James Jefferson. Not even joking. We never did agree on a boy name and luckily he like ONE of my girl names (my fave) so it’s a good thing we had a girl! Who still didn’t have a name for her first day of life! I say – screw everyone else, you will never get a better surprise.

  21. Nene #
    February 6, 2013

    I think waiting to be surprised about the gender would be very fun, but in the end I was so relieved that my husband and I decided to find out at 20 weeks. We both had a strong gut feeling – knew in our bones – that I was carrying a girl. When the tech told us he was a boy, it was jarring. We weren’t disappointed by any means, but by that time we had sort of gotten to know the baby as a girl, despite the fact that we were still using gender neutral pronouns. It took a few weeks for us to readjust and get to know the baby as a “him”. I think if we had waited, that experience would have been really amplified. I mean, it would have been a wonderful surprise, but … I don’t know… I would have been expecting somebody else. If we ever get pregnant again, and we don’t have a strong feeling either way about gender, we will probably wait to find out.

    One thing we did do was keep our name choices totally to ourselves. The grandparents were peeved, but pregnancy can feel so public sometimes, so having a secret that was just between my husband and I was special. Plus, I was absolutely not interested in anyone else’s feedback. (How many times have you heard a Mama to be announce her baby’s name only to told “oh, that’s a stripper name” or “I knew a XXX once and he was a total jerk.”) We narrowed it down to three, with one very strong favorite, but we waited until we met him to make the final call. And making the announcement to family after the birth was great.

  22. February 6, 2013

    Orange is also a perfectly good gender neutral color, and so is gray. Maybe gray sounds boring to some but think cute pale gray animal prints and heather gray pants. Even though we knew our baby’s gender some of my favorite clothes we ended up with are neutral.

  23. February 6, 2013

    It is totally up to you whether you find out the gender or not. If your family gives you a hard time, tell them you are the one gestating it and you get to decide. Duh! (Or maybe they can pay you to find out..make some money while at it. hahaha) We found out. After TTC for so many years, I just didn’t want to wait. A friend waited for both of hers and the 2nd one she didn’t even find out until the baby was an hour or so old. (she told the nurses she didn’t care which gender it was, just wrap her up and give her to me.)

    As for names, ugh! Hubby and I did.not.agree. for the longest time. He is definitely into plain, common names. And while I don’t think the ones I liked were that weied, he didn’t like them and family names were not going to happen (not so common in Finland). He hated any names I had picked out for years (and I didn’t like them so much anymore because they are either popular in the US right now or they sound stupid, imo, in Finnish). I didn’t like the one name he suggested: Marja (Berry) for a girl. It wasn’t until our little boy was a week or two old that we finally decided on a name. It was popular in the late 60’s and early 70’s, but not so much now. I hope it stays that way.

    As for colors and being gender neutral, I didn’t care which gender our baby was, NO PINK!

    It’s your baby, do what you (and Prof) want!

  24. February 6, 2013

    I also wanted neutral colors for our first daughter because I didn’t want everyone giving her that really bright barbie hot pink color that fills up some girl’s rooms and makes your head explode, I also hate that ugly purple used in the same way. I wanted light aqua, mint, pale rose pink, navy blue, and yellow for her mostly. If I had a boy i would dress him in every color under the sun too!

    It is really our influences and our attitudes that will reflect back on our children more than how we dress them anyway, so I wouldn’t worry about that aspect as much when deciding on whether to reveal your baby’s gender. My brother in law for instance right now is teaching his four year old boy how to be extremely intolerant of other cultures, which makes me actually not want my daughter playing with him. He said to me the other day that the famous Korean singer, you know the one,”talks stupid”. I tried to explain that he was speaking another language, but it wasn’t going over, he liked calling him names. My nephew has always liked to sing and dance, I don’t think that is discouraged. Yet.

    I could not resist finding out the gender of our babies, and we have picked the name Vera for our next baby girl. I completely understand why anyone would want to wait and be surprised though, I am just too impatient! If you want your surprise, don’t worry about how it makes others feel because there will be so many other things coming up that will cause the same drama. Every time I mention anything negative about epidurals my grandma gets all offended and incredibly defensive. Most of my family was also offended that I breastfed for two years. Do what you want! Try to ignore others, I know it’s hard, but you have to do what you feel.

    I love the name Cale!

  25. February 6, 2013

    Do whatever the two of you want regarding finding out the gender.

    My brother-in-law and his wife found out the gender on their first two children. And told everyone they were having boys but wanted gender neutral things. They didn’t find out with the last child though. I know the last one was a water birth. My bro-in-law was out in the hall looking for a nurse when my oldest nephew pointed at his mom in the tub and yelled that the baby was coming. 🙂 Bro-in-law almost missed the birth. hehe Turned out to be a girl and again they said they wanted gender neutral items.

    My boss has a good gender reveal party story. They had only their close friends and family at the party which included cupcakes. All the cupcakes but one had cream filling inside. They ordered enough cupcakes for everyone with no extras. All the guests and his wife grabbed a cupcake. He was filming their reactions. And one cupcake was left. One guest didn’t take one because she didn’t like cupcakes. So he grabbed it and ate it. Found out it was a girl. No one was filming the moment but it’s a good memory. 🙂

    As for names, you have months to decide so don’t feel a need to do it right away. We picked our names out 20 years ago and at first I felt betrayed when my husband said he didn’t want those names anymore. But he pointed out we aren’t those same people and now I’m not so hung up on names.

  26. February 6, 2013

    I am 100% with you with the gender-norming behavior. All I wanted as a little girl was a chemistry set. Long ago I told my friends that this was the reason I planned to not find out the gender, and they all exclaimed, “But you won’t dress the baby in pink or blue!” Little did they know I was talking about them and everyone else. Begone gender norms!

    • February 6, 2013

      I wanted to be a meteorologist as a kid! No one supported that but it was good and cute to say I wanted to be a dancer. Go figure 🙂

      • February 7, 2013

        I’m on board with this, as well! Apparently, when I was two, I used to tell people I wanted to be a truck driver. A little bit of an androgynous personality is definitely in my bones!

      • February 7, 2013

        Ha! I said interior designer. The girl that likes math, reading and facts = interior designer.

  27. pegara #
    February 6, 2013

    Hubby and I have talked about this a bit… Should we ever manage to get pregnant, we are definitely finding out the gender. We both agree that this whole IF process has been stressful and full if enough (bad) surprises, so we don’t feel we need to have another one (even a good one). But that’s just us… You have to do what is right for you. I don’t think that the gender neutrality or personality will be too influenced by knowing sooner than birth… You will raise him/her with the neutrality attitude regardless (and I agree with you on that point btw… Children should not be pushed to play with certain toys or act a certain way just because of gender)

  28. Denise #
    February 6, 2013

    I don’t have time right now to read all the comments so apologies if this was said- here’s how to get your hubs to go with Cale- do what (I’m convinced) my husband did in a well planned out way- Hubs (week 20): I like Sam, it’s my father’s name. Me: that’s lame and boring. I don’t like mono-syllabic names. Next 16+ weeks- Hubs: ok, then I want an Italian name (he’s Italian by long-ago ancestry), how about Guido or Enzo? Me: Like Hell. Hubs: ok, how about Giuseppe or Massimo? Me: Over my dead body. Continues. Week 36-ish, Me: ok, Sam it is. Hubs: YESSSSSSSSS

  29. karaleen #
    February 6, 2013

    So…my answer is yes and no :). I didn’t want to find out for many of the same reasons you sited above….I love my friends and family, but if we were having a girl we would have been inundated with Pink (which I HATE) and probably nothing practical (and I am a really pragmatic, practical person). I also wanted a suprise. We had our names chosen (good ol fashioned family names…Genevieve or William after the beloved grandparents)…so that was not an issue. But really…I just didn’t want to hear a lot of chatter about genders. So…we went in and decided not to find out! Then…at the 20 week scan…my DH and I both thought we saw girl parts. And then…it was killing us. So at my next appointment I asked my Dr. to confirm. Yep it is a girl. But..we decided to keep it secret. Everyone still thought we didn’t know and we kept it that way. And thank goodness….at 27 weeks another u/s still said girl. but at 28 weeks there was no doubt it was a BOY!!!! We had a good laugh and really..it didn’t matter. He was healthy. And…we still kept it a secret….until my very last shower…which was my family shower. At the end, after all the celebrating had been done…we announced the gender. Everyone was suprised but they loved it. I was about 33 weeks at the time so we all got 5 weeks (he was born at 38 weeks) to call him by his name…which we also announced at the shower. It worked out perfectly.
    But I say…you do whatever feels right in your heart. You will learn very soon that in parenting…it is always best to follow your instincts.
    kd

    • February 6, 2013

      Get out! I did not know they could be wrong these days. Even more reasons just not to find out. 🙂

  30. February 6, 2013

    All I have to say is you just CAN’T name a post gender reveal and then NOT reveal the gender.

    Not cool, Belle. Not cool.

    ON that note, I say find out because I WANT TO KNOW!!!!!!!!!

    • February 6, 2013

      Lol! I’m so sorry about that! Didn’t even cross my mind. I could have it written down and sent only to my impatient blog readers if they promise not to tell me?

      • Amy #
        February 7, 2013

        We wanted to find out because I had a good bit of denial/disbelief that I would stay pregnant and bring home a baby, so I thought anything that would allow me to visualize it would be helpful. We found out a bit early, at sixteenish weeks. Mike had always wanted Benjamin for a boy, but when I started researching it it ended up being a little too common for my taste, having been an Amy in the 80s/90s. I kept it as a definite possibility, but I refused to make any final decisions about his name before birth. We ended up going with Isaac, which is less common than Benjamin these days. So maybe just tell the Professor that you want to wait and meet the baby before you can be completely sure of his/her name? He will probably be so excited to meet his child that he won’t care at all in the moment what you name him or her, and then you can use whatever name you want!

        • February 7, 2013

          I like your technique 🙂 Wait until his guard is down and he is all oogly over baby and then WHAM, sign some name papers 🙂

      • Amy #
        February 7, 2013

        I didn’t plan it to be tricky like that, because I really did want to meet him first, but it worked out! Of course, part of the deal was that if we (greedy thought warning) do have another baby and it’s a boy, he’ll definitely be Benjamin, even if the name gains in popularity between now and then.

  31. Elizabeth #
    February 6, 2013

    15 weeks ago at my 20 week scan, we STILL hadn’t decided whether we were going to find out the gender. I really wanted to, hubs didn’t (19 years ago, his oldest daughter was “supposed” to be a boy and then came out a girl, and he didn’t want to go through that again). When the tech asked us, he said “it’s up to you, dear” and I said YES WE WANT TO KNOW!

    I very much wanted to know. Even though I didn’t care what it was one way or the other, I wanted to be able to bond with it….knowing what gender it was. To me, I needed the gender in order to really be able to picture it as something other than just an……….IT.

    Anyway. “IT” is a boy, and now I can know I have a son, plan for a son, name a son, etc. It’s really helped me to prepare myself. Does that make sense?

    And, of course, it immediately halved our naming process. Luckily we talked about a boy’s name that was a favorite of ours, years ago, and although we talked about other name ideas…….there was really only one choice that seemed right. (Now, the middle name was a longer process…..but eventually we got there.)

    I can understand what people mean about having a glorious surprise on the day of the birth…………but for me, knowing my little boy will be joining us at the end of it is just as wonderful as waiting for a surprise.

  32. SM #
    February 7, 2013

    I have no good suggestions or ideas but I wanted to tell you how awesome it is that you changed your name to Belle! My name is Sarah Margaret. My mom refused to call me just Sarah or just Margaret. I was Sarah Margaret my whole life. K calls me Maggie every now and then and some people call me Sarah but I’m kinda stuck with the whole thing out of simple habit. It never occurred to me to change my name! You should tell us that story some day soon!

  33. February 7, 2013

    We decided to find out and not tell, and as it turned out, you couldn’t tell from the ultrasound at 20 weeks either time! Later we got odds on boy or girl but nothing definitive so we got to honestly say that we didn’t know (although we suspected). The green and yellow clothes are fine by me. We had a shower once our daughter was born and got exclusively little girl sun dresses (how helpful and practical for a baby who can’t wear sunscreen and is outdoors a lot…), so I say avoid admitting to gender!

  34. February 8, 2013

    My friend’s brother is named Kale and I love that name. Choosing names is such a fun but difficult process……if you choose to find out the gender, I’m sure you’ll pick the perfect name.

  35. February 8, 2013

    I found out with my first three. I never had any desire to wait. None whatsoever. In fact, I thought “those people” were crazy and said the usual, “It’s a surprise no matter when you find out.” And, “It breaks up a monotonous 40 week pregnancy with some excitement.” My older three got gender specific nursery themes that I loved and don’t regret. But then this time–this last time–something came over me! I’ve done it the other way and thought, “I will never get the chance to experience the big delivery room reveal again.” My husband hated the idea (heck–even I wasn’t totally convinced at first), but it has grown on him (and me). Our mothers hate waiting (usually they know both the gender and the name ahead of time), but it’s our choice. Picking two names was twice the work, but also kind of exciting. I personally wouldn’t have found out the gender and then told people we didn’t. For one thing, I get asked the gender several times each day–the lying would get old really quickly! Second, my parents did that to me and I felt so duped when I actually found out the truth. They told us they didn’t know the gender of my brother and even told us both the girl and boy names they’d picked out. I hoped for a sister for months and then he was born and they confessed that they’d known all along but just wanted the surprise for us–REALLY?!? In any case, I’m looking forward to the delivery room surprise everyone talks about, and had a great time designing the gender-neutral nursery. Just be prepared that since most people do find out ahead of time, everyone who asks you the gender will be surprised when you tell them that you didn’t find out. They usually say, “You don’t want to know?” And my reply is usually, “Of course I want to know! I’m dying here. But I believe the delayed gratification will be worth it in the end.”

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