Skip to content

Boob Crumbs

02/27/2013

Belle

Time for a Belle overshare.

I’ve talked relentlessly about my glorified nipples/negative boobs/embarrassingly small rack. As a younger woman I loathed my lack of boobs. I even went so far as to try a higher dose birth control in hopes that the boob fairy would pay me a visit (instead I just got acne galore and mood swings that made me SO ANGRY I once threw a handful of dirty underwear at my unsuspecting boyfriend.)*

After years of boob hate, I discovered exercise. Yoga, weight training, hiking and jogging were all infinitely easier with negative boobs. Sure I might look like a teenage boy when doing them, but who cares! I learned to love my negative boobs. Victoria’s Secret made it possible for me to still find dresses and suits that fit, and my negative boobs allowed me to be as active as I pleased with only the support of a super cheap sports bra. WIN!

Pregnancy really has not gifted me with huge boobies, either. Some of my friend’s boobs swell up to po.rn star size while others just expand a cup or two. Mine, well, the girls are still in 34A bras (although the Professor insists with glee that my boobies runneth over). At first I was bummed about this, but now I’m ok. Especially when doing push ups.

While the boobs have really only grown a minimal amount, they are now at the largest (seems hilarious to call them large) they have ever been. When hoisted up by my Victoria’s Secret Very Sexy bra they actually form some mini cleavage which is visible in many of my shirts. I’m enjoying this new shift in boobs!

It seems my new mini cleavage comes with a cost, though. I wish I felt comfortable taking a photo of this to illustrate, but I’m just not ready to share that angle with the world so I’ll try to explain. Today, for example, I’m wearing a tunic with a low cut Henley style neckline. It’s cute and my boobies make it cuter! The problem is that now crumbs fall down there. I have never had this problem. Never. Ever. It seems no matter how carefully I eat, I always end up with a little bit of left overs in my bra or stuck to my shirt. The deep plunge of the bras I have only makes it worse, creating a sort of race track for debris.

The other night I took my bra off and was all, “OMG, what kind of horrid mole is growing on my boob????” Closer inspection revealed it was a stuck Chia seed. I was mortified. This morning I was noshing on a homemade granola bar and when I was done looked down and there is an oat in my bra. Again, mortified.

I don’t know if I’m doing something fundamentally wrong here or what. I’ve never had boobs and really don’t know how to handle them. Do I need a new type of bra? Perhaps a bib? Or maybe a constant liquid diet that will not produce crumbs?

In other news: tonight we meet with our doula to make “our plan.” I’m not exactly sure what this plan will entail but I’m excited to get started. Hopefully her client who has had on and off early labor will keep the baby in until after 8 p.m. so we can have our meeting! I’ll let you know how it goes tomorrow!

* Although we no longer speak, I sort of hope he stumbles upon this blog one day as I KNOW he will be absolutely certain what I’m talking about. He laughed so hard at me that day asking if I really had thrown dirty undies at him? Then he hugged me and said it was time to change birth controls because I was, um, out of control!

Advertisements

16 Comments

Post a comment
  1. jak #
    February 27, 2013

    hilarious post:) i can imagine you at the end of each day, taking off your bra and there’s all sorts of crap in there, like candy wrappers, receipts, toothpicks, maybe a hair tie, and of course chick peas, hahahahahahaa!!!

    large breasts are overrated. despite being super athletic (running, lifting, pilates, etc) my whole life (still am), i’ve always had large breasts, and, they’ve always been annoying. shirts that would be fine on other, normal people, i cant wear because i look slutty in them. so dressing for work, etc. is always a struggle of trying to downplay my breasts. buying bras was a nightmare before pregnancy. now it is hell. i have outgrown a 32dd. do they even make something weirder than that that i can graduate to now? i cant, and never have been able, to just go into vicky sec’s and buy the cutest, reasonably priced thing i find, i have to go on mammoth chest missions to nord.strom, where i get to spend $80 on the single bra i can find that fits, that also happens to look like something a grandmother would wear. what’s bad is i know i’m complaining and there are some women who definitely have it even worse.

    ok, sorry to unload. a little self-pity ahead of my shopping trip to nord.strom this weekend to lay down half a mortgage payment on bras was much needed though.

    hope everything goes great with the doula!!! if you feel like it, it’d be nice to hear about how the professor feels about having a doula help out and what he sees his role as and what he sees the doula’s role as during labor. i’m on the fence about a doula and my husband doesnt want the “invasion of privacy”. i’m not sure i’m on board with my prof so i’d like to hear what your professor husband’s thoughts are if you feel like sharing.

  2. February 27, 2013

    I am jealous of your tiny boobs! It means you can wear deep plunging necklines without looking like a total hooker, and you can also wear long, dangly necklaces that keep their shape instead of being mushed together by cleavage halfway down. I’m happy enough with my C-cup tatas but am DREADING them getting any bigger with pregnancy…

    Also, that’s hilarious about the underwear tossing. I once knew a girl who threw a used maxi pad at her boyfriend in a fit of rage. Now THAT’s disgusting.

  3. February 27, 2013

    Take it from a 36DDD, crumbs are pretty normal. My mom always used to say “check the deck”- aka look down for crumbs/food on your boobs.

  4. February 27, 2013

    Crumbs are normal. Sometimes I get undressed in the evening and a piece of popcorn falls out of my shirt and I’m like, how the hell did I not notice popcorn in my shirt? Oh right, the inner shelf. The only way to avoid boob crumbing is turtlenecks. But then you don’t exactly celebrate the boobs. It’s a trade-off.

  5. R #
    February 27, 2013

    I think its positive. I have 38Ds, and I can keep my cell phone nice and safe when I work out right between the girls! 😉

  6. February 27, 2013

    Crumbs definitely normal. I once found a grape in my humble 36c/36d (point in cycle dependant) cleavage!

  7. ecutri #
    February 27, 2013

    My husband calls this “Boob Chips” and I sometimes find him picking crumbs off my boobs to eat them…the one time I wasn’t eating anything and I hear him say “Oh! A chip!” and he reaches over to my chest, grabs a “chip” and eats it going “yummm…I love boob chips!” I started CRACKING up because I realized he didn’t eat a chip, he ate a piece of skin from my lip I had been picking at for a few minutes that must have fallen to my boobs. When I told him he instantly started gagging and I couldn’t breathe I was laughing so hard!

    And I, too, have a 34a – not a fun time. They should be growing soon with the start of my injectibles in a few weeks…they doubled in size last time I was on progesterone!

  8. Shinara #
    February 27, 2013

    hahahahahahaaaaa…..yay for Triple AAA’s! …and boob chips… I have to tell that my husband.

  9. February 27, 2013

    hey now you can use them as alternate snack storage!

  10. February 27, 2013

    Ha ha! Yes the crumbs are extremely normal. Sometimes my husband laughs with me when I take my bra off to change at night, and part of something I was eating or that my daughter was eating falls right out!

    I was just talking about boobs with my friend yesterday since my sister just had a boob job last week. She also has smaller breasts and was wishing that they were less perky, which sounded insane to me! Women really can be crazy about their bodies, I wish my boobs were more perky, not less! My doula was telling me about a plant called goat’s rue which when taken as a supplement can be like getting a boob job because it increases breast tissue and is often taken to increase milk supply!

    On a side note (hope you don’t mind if I vent a little since this has been bugging me and it is a booby topic), my sister really pisses me off sometimes (actually a lot of the time), she was telling everyone that pregnancy and breastfeeding ruins your boobs, which is unfortunate since it’s not like breastfeeding has the greatest reputation to begin with. I don’t feel like my boobs are ruined! I think she is trying to justify her boob job to people, and while it may be true that some women experience negative changes in their breasts after pregnancy and breastfeeding, it should certainly not be made into a generalized statement! My sister is very young (25 this march), and I think she just doesn’t realize how much our bodies change over time.

    Expect that your boobies will change with breastfeeding too, they could get bigger then. Mine stayed the same except when they were swelled up with milk. My breasts actually haven’t changed, even after nursing for two years. I am thinking of taking some pregnancy pictures while wearing my best cleavage and booby lifting bra just to prove that I still got it!

    Good luck with your doula meeting! We love our doula and I can’t imagine giving birth without her there!

  11. February 27, 2013

    Ugh cleavage catches a lot of crumbs. And when I undress, popcorn galore falls from my bra, hidden by my bosom. Gross!!!! Even when covered up, my rack forms a shelf that the popcorn/food/crumbs sit on until I stand up lol! Enjoy your petites!! 🙂

  12. February 27, 2013

    Hilarious. This happens to me too…my husband jokes that I’m just saving food for later.

  13. stupidstork #
    February 27, 2013

    Hahahahaa…

    First, I am on the other side of the spectrum and have always had gargantuan boobs and am so jealous of girls with the cute little ones who do not knock themselves unconscious on a treadmill.

    Second, I am afraid if there is a cure to boob crumbs I have never found it. You should see what happens after I go to a movie… second tub of popcorn falls out when I get home.

  14. B #
    February 28, 2013

    Haha! I love this post. I didn’t discover random things in my bra until postpartum. Last night I realized that I had a bit of melted chocolate in my cleavage which also made its way onto LB’s face (oops!).
    I am a fellow small/negative boob owning woman. Prior to pregnancy I was a barely 34A. My breasts increased in size a tiny bit during pregnancy, which I was excited for but also a bit disappointed that I didn’t see more growth. Imagine the shock I experienced when I went to be measured for nursing bras after my milk came in and I measured a 34E!! An E!!!! I nearly fell over, which was both a result of shock as well as the massive breasts I’m now rocking. All of this is to say there is still hope for Belle to have porn star boobs. 😉

  15. Denise #
    March 1, 2013

    my hubs calls my small breasts ‘sporty’ and he likes them, which is what mostly matters (not that I’ve ever been satisfied with them of course.) But I do like to work out and do high impact aerobics and running and it is SO much easier to manage them with just a simple sports bra. When I had my son and my breasts got a little bigger (so from a B- to maybe a B+) I briefly had what could be called a cleavage, if you were being generous. I’ve always wished I had that… but it’s sadly long gone. I call them my ‘distant mammaries.’ Sadly, my boobs even deflated a bit after all nursing and hormones went away!

  16. March 2, 2013

    Don’t tell the professor, but one of Ian’s favorite games is throwing balls of straw paper into my cleavage when we’re eating out. And yes, sometimes I miss one until the end of the day. The ‘horrid mole’ incidents never stop either. Welcome to boob crumbs!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: