… Around the corner the fudge factory is on strike.
It seems that despite its laughable size, my left boob is trying to do something. The past few days I’ve had evidence of small boob leaks in my bra. I’m both excited and totally grossed out.
I ordered 24 of these nice organic boob pads to keep my bras from needing washed all the time. They arrived the other day and holy hell you guys, what kinda nipples does a new mommy have? These suckers are HUGE. They are the size of my tiny boob and stick out of the top of my bra. It’s not a good look. Instead I’m using them as reusable makeup removing pads (which is working surprisingly well). No way in hell am I stuffing my bra with those.
Which brings me to my next business venture, since my butt mint idea was sort of shot down by, um, everyone. I want to open a boutique for pregnant ladies who are small chested. Here you could find maternity bras that are bust enhancing yet comfortable while not making your nipples scream in pain. You could find nursing bras that would not double as hats. You could find leaky boob pads that are the size of tiny titty nipples, not the size of your entire breast. You could find maternity shirts and jackets that are not humongous in the top (a current problem I’m dealing with). It would be delightful… and probably have a very small clientele… pun totally intended.
This one has two parts. First, pregnancy cravings. I am obsessed with lemonade right now. I am glad I’ve lost my pass card to our office break room because if not, I’m certain I’d be sucking down 4 bottles of Minute Maid lemonade every day. Instead, I’m enjoying cold lemon water, hot lemon water, lemon squeezed on my food and lemons directly in my mouth. Yum!
Second, peeing. The Chicken must be to the size now that he/she can really put some pressure on my bladder. Some days the peeing is reasonable. Other days, though, it feels like I have to pee as soon as I’m done pulling up my pants from a pee. Some days it HURTS so much when I have to go that it requires an altered gait down the hall to the bathroom. If people on my floor didn’t know I was pregnant before, I’m pretty sure they do now. The waddle totally gives it away. That and the ridiculous amount of toilet paper the 6th floor ladies room is suddenly going through.
Ok, so saying the fudge factory is on strike is a little dramatic, but it sounded better then “the fudge factory is is on strike and now being staffed by scabs and is only producing half the treats.”
Pooping is not improving. I have not had a satisfying morning constitutional in quite a while. Instead I get these small teases of poo that leave me waiting for more and then… nothing. Nothing other than the Chicken floundering around. It seems he is extremely active after I try to poop. I’m sure he is in there cheering the bowels on, “Go poop, GO! SQUEEEEEEEEZE! You can do it! Baby needs a poop-free home!”
Alas, it’s not working. Between baby’s cheers and my cheers and now the husbands’ cheers (he is really tired of “fudge factory” updates) we have the biggest non-sports oriented house of cheering ever. Bummer. I’ll be asking my doctor at today’s 24 week appointment what she feels is the best poo-inducing medication for pregnancy.
I shared my bump popping update the other day. Otherwise, things seem to be progressing pretty uneventfully. I’m starting to not sleep so well, and find myself waking up around midnight each night and am unable to fall back into a sound sleep until about 2, which is totally lame because my alarm goes off at 4:30.
My nose is on a runny rampage. I was not aware that pregnancy can cause your allergies to go bonkers. I’ve been a sneezing snotting mess for quite a while, but that’s ok. I’ll take that over some of the other, less desirable second trimester things I’ve heard rumors of.
My hair is looking fantastic. It’ll be a sad, sad day when the post pregnancy shed happens.
I’ve been told by many that “I’m glowing,” which is terribly nice of them. I don’t feel very glowy. I feel snotty, constipated and kinda tubby.
I think we’ll end this post on my most delightfully disgusting pregnancy complication – farts. They are still present despite a marked reduction in my bean intake. Now, however, the farts have a little friend that sometimes tags along – pee. Sometimes when I fart really largely a little pee squeaks out. It is disgusting. I really wish people told me this when I was hemorrhaging our trust fund (which is our only substantial retirement plan) on IVF.
And now I’m going to go do some kegels.