The 28 week ultrasound was yesterday. Since we changed doctors and hospitals at 20 weeks our ultrasounds are now conducted at a different clinic and overseen by a different high-risk specialist. At this clinic you don’t get to sit down in person with the specialist. Instead they bring you to a room of computer monitors and you teleconference.
I Skype with friends and family regularly and I love the method of communication. I love being able to see faces and to show off my cats, etc. However, teleconferencing with a doctor when the life of your unborn child potentially hangs in the balance is about as cold as it comes.
The deal as of now is:
- I have a bi-lobed placenta and both lobes are close to equal in size.
- Both lobes are quite large.
- I’m going to draw you a picture of my uterus to explain where they are. Behold my mad Illustrator Skills
- Good news is that the lobes are at the top of the uterus and that the chord does not have vessels wrapping around the baby and passing over his head and cervix. That would be Vasa Previa and that is a “grave danger” as doctor TeleMed explained. So for that I’m thankful.
- What is not good news is that the chord is inserted not in either chunky half of the placenta, but in the center where there is thin connective tissue. I had a hell of a hard time talking to Dr. TeleMed because there were slight delays and a lot of static, but from what I understand this could cause insufficient blood, oxygen and nutrients to reach my baby – resulting in slowed growth or death.
- In the event of a natural birth, the two halves of the placenta might tear apart and cause maternal hemorrhage after I have delivered Chicken, too. Or, if they tear while Chicken is still in the womb, it would cause my baby to die.
Right now Dr. TeleMed wants to “plan” on a natural birth, but I need to be prepared for complications with the baby and c-section. He said that laboring can stress an already stressed fetus so we’ll just have to “wait and see.” Now tell me, what the hell does that mean? To me it sounds a lot like, “I’m going to tell this lady what she wants to hear, and then hack her open on delivery day. He also gave a much different run down of available monitoring choices at labor and delivery than my doctor and the hospital tour gave. Basically I walked away with the feeling that I’m going to be tied to a bed with a monitor and then cut open, but to keep me happy now we’ll “plan for natural birth.”
And then there is the more pressing issue: my baby could still be compromised. I could still lose my Chicken. My baby might not develop properly due to not getting enough oxygen or nutrients. My baby could, potentially, die in utero before we get a chance to rescue him/her. OR everything could be hunky dory and baby will be tall, smart and normal. I don’t like all these variations. This is NOT what someone who is finally in the third trimester after two years of infertility and a miscarriage wants to hear.
I go back in six weeks for another growth scan. Between now and then everything is completely out of my hands and there is nothing I can watch for other than heavy bleeding.
I’m just overwhelmed with emotions and stress right now. Despite my “tough girl” facade and my valiant attempts to avoid getting attached to this baby, I have. I was prepared to to dive in headfirst to preparing (as much as someone who is moving a few weeks after delivery can) for baby after this scan. I was ready for a warm, face-to-face discussion with Dr. TeleMed and some real reassurance that everything will be ok. I was not prepared to be given every possible scenario and to continue to wait and see. I was not prepared to talk to a computer screen.
I meet with my OB this afternoon to go over the report that Dr. TeleMed sent her. I have a few more questions for her, but otherwise just feel numb.
I had my first shower this weekend. It was amazing and perfect and filled with old friends and lots of love. Chicken was showered with wonderful gifts, all of which we needed – a car seat, snugglider, Ubbi diaper pail, books, onsies, bath supplies and hand made gifts. It was perfect. I came home all set to open the boxes and organize things. After the scan, though, it didn’t seem like such a good idea – what if they have to go back. They are all still in the center of my living room because I’m not really sure what you do with baby gifts when so much is still up in the air.