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How do you make a tissue dance?







Put a little boogie in it!

So this post is gonna be gross, and full of talk of eye balls and snot. Consider yourself warned.

We have a house full of dancing Puff’s Plus with Lotion. I’m on day three of having to call into work thanks to this cold/infection/whatever. Yesterday afternoon the Professor was at work and I wandered upstairs with my sick-lady cocktail (4 oz cranberry juice, 4 oz water, juice from one entire lemon and a squeeze of honey all heated to steamy) and curled up with my cat for a nap. As we laid there “talking” this white curtain descended over my left eye. And I promptly freaked the fuck out.

I went to the bathroom to investigate and saw what goes down as the grossest cold related complication I’ve ever experienced – a huge drape of green snot covering my eyeball. Holy shit you guys, I’ve been allergic to life for as long as I remember so I’m no stranger to gross snot, but this, this is the mother of all gross snots. And it kept coming. I would pull out one big stringy mess and another one would follow a few minutes later. The eye was sore and felt like a giant cotton ball and my anxiety was at level 10. I do not need a complicated eye infection on top of my other eye problems.

This time I went to the local eye clinic since this was clearly not uveitis related but needed tended too promptly so the drive was only 5 minutes but the wait for a doctor was 2.5 hours, all while I continued to harvest green snot from my eye. When the doctor looked in the eye he gasped and said, “WOW! I’ve NEVER seen anything like this in all my years!” And then he gleefully started harvesting eye snot himself.

As of now, the eye itself does not show signs of infection, but the doctor did not want to risk anything so he gave me a prescription for a strong anti-biotic drop as a preventative measure.

Last night I had another fitful sleep of coughing, wheezing, nose blowing and … peeing myself. My poor muscles are so stretched from baby and are so tired of squeezing every time I cough that they just gave up at 1 a.m. and pee happened. Luckily I have lightning fast reflexes and was able to jet out of the bed and stagger to the toilet before any real damage had occurred. Still, though, peeing oneself at the age of 32 while snot streams from your eye and nose is just too much.

I’m calling my doctor back today and begging for some antibiotics. I do not appear to be getting any better.

And now I’m going to fuss mightily about being pregnant – please have compassion and don’t lecture me. You guys, I never get sick like this. Sure I get a cold a couple times a year but it never requires a doctor visit and it never knocks me on my ass for days. Uveitis issues aside, I actually have a pretty good immune system that is able to take care of a bug before it leaves me a crumpled, snot soaked, peeing herself mess. The only thing different this go-around is that I’m gestating. And so… I blame the pregnancy. And it sucks.

And my warning to any pregnant ladies out there who feel sickness might be coming on is to start drinking your juice and getting more sleep and blah blah blah BEFORE the sickness takes over. Do NOT count on your immune system… it will let you down.

Hopefully I’ll be feeling a tiny bit better this weekend and can get you all an updated bump photo because it’s cutie and getting rounder and looking less like Homer Simpson and more like I might actually be a mommy in 11 weeks!



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  1. April 17, 2013

    First of all, that’s one of Ian’s favorite non-dirty jokes. 🙂 Second, that sucks! My eyes over produce mucous like nobody’s business. It’s no fun. Get well soon!!

  2. April 17, 2013

    Oh please don’t worry about complaining about being pregnant- ummm being able to harvest snot out of your eye- as far as I’m concerned? You can complain about that all damn day. That sounds mighty disgusting. Maybe you could join the circus? 🙂

    Looking forward to the photo! I hope you start to feel better soon!

  3. jak #
    April 17, 2013

    TELL ME ABOUT IT. spent last night (it’s been 1.5 weeks now) coughing and peeing myself. until 6am when i can finally fall asleep, 30 minutes after which, the alarm goes off. dh wakes up and gets the morning going, while i oversleep because i’m finally exhausted enough to sleep through the coughing and peeing. prolly already said this, but this is the 3rd big deal cold i’ve had since getting pregnant. I. NEVER. GET. SICK. usually less than once a year, i get a cold. i have never gotten the flu, i couldnt even tell you what it’s like? like you belle, i have a crazy good immune system so this is really disturbing and i cant understand how so many friends and colleagues can walk around full of snot and pretend that they are fine. this shit knocks me on my ass!

    but, i think crazy good immune system cuts both ways. you have allergies and uveitis. i have allergies and asthma and if i look at poison ivy, my entire body gets covered with blisters that take a whopping course prednisone to calm. my husband, also with crazy good immune system, has allergies and type 1 diabetes. good immune systems sometimes attack the people they inhabit:(

    good luck with the snot factory(ies). hope the anti-biotics do the trick, or at least ward off any sinus infections that result (actually sounds like your sinuses are already infected, eh?).

  4. April 17, 2013

    What Jak said.

    Despite my asthma problems, I think I have a pretty damn good immune system. I almost never get colds and I can’t remember the last time I had the flu. But pregnancy has knocked the shit right out of my immune system. Three colds in 7 months. I feel very lucky that I didn’t get something worse, given how susceptible I seem to be right now. So, I feel ya, sister. This is one of the really tough things about pregnancy.

    I’m sorry that you’re suffering so much. I hope you’ll be on the mend soon! Take care.

  5. April 17, 2013

    I literally got sick 5 times in 7 months this pregnancy… first a Baaaad cold, then sinus problems. It took 5 weeks to get rid of one bout… only to flare up again. Thankfully this last month has been illness free, even though my husband and daughter got sick at the same time. I feel ya!

  6. April 17, 2013

    HAHAHA… omg, I am so sorry, but I could not stop laughing at the eye snot… that’s the most insane thing ever! And the image of your doctor gleefully pulling strands of it away like it was silly taffy is just too much. I really hope that has passed by now. But hey, I’m all for a bump pic that includes eye boogers up top. 🙂

  7. Ginny #
    April 17, 2013

    Dang, that is some nasty-sounding sickness going on there!! Really hope you’re feeling better soon, and yes, please get on the antibiotics stat! Hope to see the latest bump pic soon, too!

  8. April 17, 2013

    I’ve totally had the eye snot. It really is absolutely disgusting. I had an eye infection from dirty contacts. I was 14. I blame youth. I hope you recovery quickly and the snot stops soon!

  9. Shinara #
    April 17, 2013

    ewwww. gross. I had a little bit of that eye slime last January, coughing, hacking and sneezing for over a month. Then my ears plugged up for a month and a half. I felt like I was swimming underwater. Didn’t take any medicine because antibiotics don’t do anything for colds and I was too afraid to take anything else. So, basically, it took over 2 months to get over that cold/sinus conglomeration.

  10. April 17, 2013

    Pregnant women are immune-compromised. That’s why you’re supposed to stay away from things like cold meat, runny eggs, etc. It’s that if there is even a slight chance of food poisoning, you are way way more likely to get it. The cold I had while pregnant was one of the worst colds of my life. 😦 It was just awful. I hope you feel better soon ❤ ❤

  11. April 18, 2013

    Bummer! Get better soon!

  12. Amy #
    April 18, 2013

    Despite your discomfort, your post sounds like you are genuinely happy! I’m so excited for these 11weeks to pass for you. All of your super hard work will be worth it. I much prefer my babies on the outside & I bet you will too! If you can sound joyful with a snot face, diapers will be a party 😉

  13. vix #
    April 18, 2013

    I get the same thing but it’s allergy related. I go to the doctor and get patanol eye drops that clears it up. But I’m in Australia so it may be called something else?

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