Thanks for all your supportive comments on Monday night’s explosion re:baby going breech. I wrote a big ranty vent again yesterday, but deleted it before I could hit publish – you all know how I feel about this. I did not need to blast you a second time! While I’m still mad as hell that I can’t just have one normal thing about this pregnancy, I’m a little less ranty now and a little more determined to do everything in my power to make this baby turn. All I want is a natural delivery after a VERY unnatural conception. Surely this is not too much to ask?
Since getting the news, I have emailed Dr. Shannon who assured me that 34 weeks is NOT too late to turn baby, and recommended I look into chiropractics, acupuncture and the HypnoBabies breech CD in addition to swimming when possible. I also met with my acupuncturist and started Moxibustionon Bladder 67 points two to three times a day (she sent me home with a DIY Moxi kit). My doula got the next frantic email and also recommended HypnoBabies breech CD and a chiropractor in town who is certified in the Webster Technique to pass along. I am meeting with him today at 4:30. And finally, I read through every. single. page at SpinningBabies.com on breech babes and have been doing the recommended inversions.
So I’m doing everything in my power to encourage this little baby to turn and trying not to obsess over the expense. Really, what is another couple hundred after spending $20k to make the baby? It’s all about perspective, people!
Today it seems baby has been a lot more active. I don’t know if it is everything I’m doing, the baby trying to flip on its own or just my new obsession over where I’m feeling kicks and punches. Whatever it is, it gives me hope that there is still enough room in there for baby to make the flip without a doctor trying to do an ECV, which does make me nervous.
In addition to providing a lot of supportive comments, the breech post also brought out a lot of controversy. I’ve been trying to think of a way to address them, but am really grasping at straws so I think I’ll keep it short and sweet:
Birth is a highly personal endeavor and there is no right or wrong way to do it. I have not, do not and never will shun a woman for choosing an elective Cesarean or for choosing to proceed with vaginal birth even when it was highly risky. What ultimately matters is that we all get our miracle babies out and home safely, pride and flat abs be damned.
For me, a natural birth after a very unnatural conception and nine months of struggling to bond with my baby is very important. I’m still having a hard time connecting with this baby and feeling like it is “mine.” I don’t know if that makes sense, and I’m not looking for solutions, but I continue to struggle daily with conflicting emotions. One moment I feel overwhelming joy and love for this fetus and the next I feel intense fear and detachment over it. It’s complicated and scary and I had really hoped that through the experience of natural childbirth and pushing my baby into the world I might be able to start to heal from the traumas of infertility and find connection with my child. Not that I can’t and won’t heal and connect if I have a c-section! I know I will but it will take time and, I fear, more struggle.
I’ll be 35 weeks on Friday, which means there is still time to work on turning baby. Rather than begin addressing my negative feelings about cesarean, I am going to focus on doing everything I can to turn baby naturally. If we get to 37 weeks and baby is still stubbornly in a breech position I’ll move forward with whatever is best for my and baby’s health. I will also find a surgeon I feel comfortable with and who will meet me in the middle with my demands to be awake during the procedure and hold my baby skin to skin immediately following extraction- do not cross go, do not put artificial nipples in my baby’s mouth, do not put him or her under the warmers.
So there you have it. A loose plan to get my Chicken on the rotisserie and into the proper birthing position. I sure hope I have good news in the coming weeks!