This is the first time that I am just ready for this pregnancy to be over. Every week I promise myself that the NEXT week I’ll relax and enjoy it and do all the cute baby things that I want to do but something always comes up. Either a job crisis, or a living arrangement crisis, or a placenta crisis, or a breech crisis.* At this point, I’m just worn down. If I could arrange a c-section tomorrow I would. That is how done I am.
I went home during lunch to lay on my “inversion door” (a narsty old door from the basement that is now propped on my futon and covered with two yoga mats to try to pad my sore butt bone) and do another three moxibustions. On my way home I felt small flutters low in my pubic area, stronger “kicks” in the upper left uterus and a big old hard bulge in the upper right of the uterus. A quick doppler check this morning had the heart tones in the lower right quadrant.
Had I not seen ultrasound images of one normally shaped baby I would swear my baby was nothing more than a big ass head and about 8 crazy limbs.
I obsessed over baby mapping while I ate a vegan sausage and pasta salad – what does this mean? Did baby flip last night? Is that bulge his butt with legs poking out and tiny hands fluttering around my lady bits? I finished lunch, did my moxi but did not do my inversion (what if baby is now head down?) and went upstairs to lay in the bed and see if I could feel a head down low. You know what I feel down low? Nothing. Actually, I feel squishy flab and nothing. Which leads me to believe my baby is, in fact, a butt headed octopus.
I don’t know what to do, you guys. I want to enjoy these last weeks but at this rate I’m going to end up locked in the loony bin. I’m so afraid of not doing enough to turn baby so I’m trying everything. BUT what if baby has turned and I just get him/her all confused and make it flip breech again by laying upside down three times a day and putting smoking moxi on my toes? I’m halfway tempted to go to one of those ultrasound boutiques and ask for just a quick peak to see if baby is breech. I don’t want any photos, I don’t want them fishing around or anything, I just want to know if that is ass or head I’m feeling, or if baby has morphed into an alien.
* I use the term “crisis” loosely here. THese are not actually crises, so much as happenings that detract drastically from what I really want to be focusing on – enjoying being pregnant.