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A whole new level of obsession

05/23/2013

Belle

belly mapping

This is the first time that I am just ready for this pregnancy to be over. Every week I promise myself that the NEXT week I’ll relax and enjoy it and do all the cute baby things that I want to do but something always comes up. Either a job crisis, or a living arrangement crisis, or a placenta crisis, or a breech crisis.* At this point, I’m just worn down. If I could arrange a c-section tomorrow I would. That is how done I am.

I went home during lunch to lay on my “inversion door” (a narsty old door from the basement that is now propped on my futon and covered with two yoga mats to try to pad my sore butt bone) and do another three moxibustions. On my way home I felt small flutters low in my pubic area, stronger “kicks” in the upper left uterus and a big old hard bulge in the upper right of the uterus. A quick doppler check this morning had the heart tones in the lower right quadrant.

Had I not seen ultrasound images of one normally shaped baby I would swear my baby was nothing more than a big ass head and about 8 crazy limbs.

I obsessed over baby mapping while I ate a vegan sausage and pasta salad – what does this mean? Did baby flip last night? Is that bulge his butt with legs poking out and tiny hands fluttering around my lady bits? I finished lunch, did my moxi but did not do my inversion (what if baby is now head down?) and went upstairs to lay in the bed and see if I could feel a head down low. You know what I feel down low? Nothing. Actually, I feel squishy flab and nothing. Which leads me to believe my baby is, in fact, a butt headed octopus.

I don’t know what to do, you guys. I want to enjoy these last weeks but at this rate I’m going to end up locked in the loony bin. I’m so afraid of not doing enough to turn baby so I’m trying everything. BUT what if baby has turned and I just get him/her all confused and make it flip breech again by laying upside down three times a day and putting smoking moxi on my toes? I’m halfway tempted to go to one of those ultrasound boutiques and ask for just a quick peak to see if baby is breech. I don’t want any photos, I don’t want them fishing around or anything, I just want to know if that is ass or head I’m feeling, or if baby has morphed into an alien.

* I use the term “crisis” loosely here. THese are not actually crises, so much as happenings that detract drastically from what I really want to be focusing on – enjoying being pregnant.

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12 Comments

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  1. May 23, 2013

    LOL, okay, I know this isn’t funny, but your graphic is AWESOME. Like I said the other day, I think it’s odd your doc was concerned that you couldn’t differentiate between elbows and kicks or whatever – b/c how the hell are you supposed to know when they feel like a butt headed octopus in there?

    Good luck finding some peace of mind SOMEHOW through all of this….

  2. May 23, 2013

    I so hope that you wrote this post in some good humor ’cause it sure was funny. Not the situation but the approach that you had to the situation.

    I don’t know anything, but it doesn’t seem to me that an utrasound would hurt. Would your doctor give you one?

  3. ecutri #
    May 23, 2013

    My sister-in-law and brother watched their baby full on move into breech position 3 weeks ago (she’s approx 37 wks now) and it was confirmed by u/s. They said it was like an alien moving in her body. The doctor said that if the baby didn’t flip by itself by 38 weeks they would attempt to flip it and to be prepared because 1. it could cause stress and they may need to deliver immediately or 2. it could cause labor to begin. Luckily last week when they went in for another u/s the baby magically appeared head down without her feeling a thing! She thought she was going to see upside down baby and have to schedule the flip. I really hope that your baby finds its way head down so you don’t have to stress any more!

  4. May 23, 2013

    Based on my own experience (which may not count for anything), it sounds to me as if Chicken is head down because that’s exactly what I’m feeling from my little guy. My baby probably flipped about 3 (or 4?) weeks ago, after a visit to the chiropractor, but I didn’t feel a big move. For the past couple of weeks I’ve felt a big hard bulge at the top of my uterus and not much of anything at the bottom. I felt lots of squiggles and rocking motions near the top, which made me think it HAD to be a bum, because heads just don’t move that way. Today we finally had it confirmed by ultrasound that he is indeed head down.

    Keeping my fingers crossed that Chicken has made the big move!

  5. May 23, 2013

    I want to know if anyone relaxes and “enjoys” being pregnant. What does that even mean? I’m pretty sure all first time mothers are totally anxious almost all the time, even ones who did not go through what you did, because pregnancy is scary. And second time mothers are busy with kids and don’t get time to “relax and be pregnant.” You are living the hell out of this pregnancy, worrying over every freaking minute. Maybe you’re not enjoying it like “tralalalala” but you are certainly experiencing every. last. second of it. So there’s that. 🙂

  6. May 23, 2013

    I think at this late stage of pregnancy if your babe gets to the head-down position it is unlikely that s/he will go back to breech. You should ask around. Hell, I’m sure you’re researching it right now.

    I wasn’t sure about identifying head vs. butt or knees vs. elbows vs. heels during my pregnancy…but the funny thing is that when he arrived and I was able to feel his butt and elbows, etc. in person THEN I was able to retroactively identify what had been bulging where. Even though we had just met it was nice to think, “Hey, I know you! I know this butt!”

  7. May 23, 2013

    I could NEVER tell where Matthew was – and he was frank breech. I could never tell what was a head and what was a shoulder. I thought I knew, but the docs said no and so did the ultrasounds. Now this time, BB2 is head down with his head nuzzled into my left hip, and I couldn’t tell you that. The ultrasound tech told me that! And even knowing it, I still can’t tell. The only difference this time is that there is sometimes that urgent need to pee, which I never had with Matthew, and I think it’s from a head moving around on my bladder. But that’s it. No clue what is what.

    I bet that if chicken flipped, that he’s happy there and won’t flip again, no matter what you do. Head down is their natural tendency, so if he gets there, I bet he stays there. When Matthew was breech and we were hoping for a flip, I did ask that and Dr. H said that if he went head down (which wasn’t likely given his size and position), that he would stay that way. Let’s hope that if Chicken is head down, that he’s happy there!

    Will your doc do a quick scan for you?

    I hate admitting this myself, but I, too, and ready to be done. So ready….

  8. May 23, 2013

    Here’s what I know. All of those positions are to encourage baby to flip head down, not the other way around, so if baby is already head down they won’t make baby flip back around to breech. Second, it sounds like baby is head down from what you’re describing. Is the bulge sort of pointy? And can you feel baby along one side of you (hard) and the other side is squishy? What you’re describing is exactly how mine felt and he was head down for the last 3 months or so ( I remember feeling him flip from breech where he had been previously).

    Here’s hoping baby made the flip!

  9. May 23, 2013

    May baby was breech and made the flip on her own around 36 or 37 weeks- I didn’t feel it, but had been doing the recommended “exercises” to get her to turn. She stayed head down the rest of the time, firmly planted right on top of my bladder. I bet you did it and your chicken turned. And I say go get that quickie ultrasound- for your own peace of mind. I’m pulling for you and chicken to have the delivery you want, with no surprises.

  10. May 23, 2013

    Check into an ultrasound place called Sneak-a-Peek. They can check the sex of the baby etc…when your doctor is being a butt. Maybe they can check if Chicken is indeed head down!

  11. May 24, 2013

    I love those pictures you drew!! Like many of the other comments, I couldn’t tell you what part of baby boy was kicking/punching/poking me. Only the u/s and seasoned midwife were able to tell me what was what. Also, I didn’t get any further (detailed) ultrasounds after the halfway mark, because I had no issues that needed it and that’s how they work here. But, my midwife and the doctor were able to palpate and tell where the baby’s head was. And at one point, there was a student midwife during my session and for her to learn what she was feeling, the older midwife took us quickly to an old/basic u/s machine to show her how the baby’s head was engaged. It was quick and not much was shown, but it did prove baby boy had turned head down on his own around 35/36 weeks. If at that point he still hadn’t turned, then I would have seen a doctor and they would have done…something, maybe. Or at least prepared me for a possible c-section.

    I truly hope chicken is just taking his/her sweet time on turning. I honestly believe there isn’t anything to be too worried about yet, but I know that doesn’t stop a mom from worrying. *big hugs* Live this pregnancy to the fully, as you have been!

  12. Kathy #
    May 24, 2013

    Chicken knows what he’s doing, he’s just waiting till it’s time to head for the exit ! Keeping a good thought for you !

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