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Not an octopus, but still a very breech baby

06/03/2013

Belle

The Squeaky Orange One loves the Chicken even, though he/she is breech.

The Squeaky Orange One loves the Chicken even, though he/she is breech.

I thought baby turned for all of one day this weekend. I was so hopeful when I felt a mass down low in my pelvis that I emailed my doctor asking for an earlier scan this morning. She was happy to oblige. Today’s scan revealed one perfectly sized for natural birthing baby, one wonky ass bi-lobed placenta, one cord that is doing a fine job at being a cord and one baby with his/her head straight up in my left lung, feet up in my right lung and rump off to the right hip bone.

Not at all in the right position.

I had a breech massage this weekend and sobbed to the sweet lady. I sobbed to my husband. I sobbed to my mother. I cried as I sent a friend text messages about baby’s position. I cried at the doctor today as she set up my ECV for next Monday at 8 a.m. I’m to plan on going home afterwards but still bring a bag “just in case.” The doctor was not super optimistic about the ECV being successful with all the placenta up in there. She also wonders if this is why baby can’t get turned around properly – he/she is definitely trying each night and I have the bruised belly button and aching abdomen to prove it.

I’m going to keep doing everything this week and pray for a miracle. Moxa, inversions, walking, sitting on the exercise ball, hypnosis and attempting positive visualization, which is hard when every doctor you see just casually says “Well we will just have  a c-section then!” like it is the flavor of the day.

I’m terrified of having a c-section. I’m so scared of it affecting bonding, which has been a struggle this entire time. I’m afraid of not being able to breast feed because we don’t get immediate skin to skin (still fighting for this but it is not looking good). I’m scared of the drugs making me or baby sick. I’m scared of baby not breathing properly. I’m afraid of having reactions to the pain medicine – something that happens every time I have a procedure and I end up just being able to take Tylenol.

I’m scared of surgical complications.

I know you guys are going to cheer me on and remind me that the vast majority of c-sections are safe! And that things are fine! And it is routine! Go Belle and Chicken go! But the scary/sad truth remains that EVERYTHING in this pregnancy and my reproductive history (and medical history in general) has fallen into that tiny little category of “shit, that NEVER happens.” I can’t remember the last time I went to a doctor and left without a medical professional telling me how strange, rare, broken, whatever I am. This does not give me a lot of faith that I won’t end up in that tiny percentage you read about on message boards.

And we won’t even delve into the pride aspects.

I’m ranting and I know a lot of you are rolling your eyes and thinking I should just get over it. I’m sure I will in time but right now this is scary stuff and putting my baby and my body in the hands of someone else is, well, overwhelming. I’d like some extra toast and Prozac, please. Unfortunately, I’m trying to keep Chicken from getting too big so the ECV might work so toast bingeing is not an option, and the Prozac… well that is a post for later.

I have another post in the drafts folder that I had planned to share today. I’ve had my fill of tears at the moment, though, so we’ll hold that one for another day or two. In the meantime, I’m now accepting jokes in my comment thread. My mood needs elevating and I’m not too proud to request jokes to help with it! I’m also pretty sure that on a Monday others could use some jokes 🙂

 

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23 Comments

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  1. June 3, 2013

    I’m a bad joke teller!

    I’m sorry chicken is still breech. I’m hoping the ECV works for you.

  2. June 3, 2013

    Fwiw – I had a c section with my twins and it in no way affected bonding or breast feeding. They were brought to me within 1.5 hrs of birth and both nursed well and continue to. I know each situation is different but was hoping you might feel a bit better if you did in fact need a c section.

    • June 3, 2013

      So good to hear. I think I’ve been too wrapped up in the evils of medicated birth and c-section and the wonders of natural birth that I’ve come away a little skewed. Still scared to death of surgery, but hopefully I can find a doctor who will work with me. How is your recovery going? Feeling stronger by the day?

      • June 3, 2013

        Babies had no problems at birth either afterwards. Both were totally healthy. I’m 3 weeks post surgery and feel basically back to normal. I felt mostly normal by 2 weeks. The first week was by far the hardest. If chicken doesn’t turn and you have any questions id be happy to answer them.

        • June 3, 2013

          I’m so glad you are recovering so quickly! Again, I’ve only heard horror stories from friends and family. I will keep you posted as we get closer and look to you for my positive guidance 🙂

        • June 3, 2013

          Actually I was thinking about doing a blog on it anyway. Maybe I will 🙂

  3. Romy #
    June 3, 2013

    I’m so sorry you’re scared. Honestly though, I just had a c section and it hasn’t affected bonding. As for breastmilk, I don’t know what to do with all my extra milk. My son eats 39 ml a feed and I have around 140. I’m constantly pumping and freezing the extra milk.
    I hope you will get the birth you want, but once your baby is here, I really don’t think the way in which he/she arrived will matter to you anymore. I’ll keep my fingers crossed for you though.

    • Romy #
      June 3, 2013

      And this is at 34+4 when my body supposedly wasn’t even ready to have the baby and be producing breastmilk and with the extra stress of having my baby in the NICU…

      • June 3, 2013

        I really appreciate this. I think I’ve had too many horror stories from people and read too many natural birth books where c-section is looked at as an absolute horrible procedure. I’ve also had A LOT of people doubt my ability for so long that, you know, it starts to stick. Thanks for sharing something positive and happy milk freezing! It is my goal to have a nice stock pile in our freezer for when I return to work/school myself!

        • Romy #
          June 3, 2013

          A tip I got from the lactation consultant who came to see me after my c-section was to manually stimulate my breasts after every pumping session. In the beginning I didn’t get anything with pumping but I did with manual stimulation, and according to the lactation consultant that really helps boost the production compared to women who only use a pump.
          There are books that have a positive message about c/s. i read one by Magnus Murphy.

        • Romy #
          June 3, 2013
  4. June 3, 2013

    Argh! I was hoping the chicken would have lined his/herself up for delivery. Good luck with the ECV. The universe really is insistent upon us learning that we have absolutely no control, huh? “We get it! Give us a break universe!!!”

  5. jak #
    June 3, 2013

    why are you afraid about chick not breathing?

    so sorry things havent worked so far regarding flipping and holy crap, sorry about the head in your ribs!! that’s gotta feel crazy!

    but, it sounds like a good time to sit down with your doula and focus on what she and professor can help you do with a realistic and supportive plan b. a doula is great to have for c-sections. i was my mum’s doula for hers. you will need support afterwards and it’s best to have someone who can anticipate your needs. also, there is actually decent advice from doulas and natural childbirth books about what to do in the event that a c-section is required. sitting up soon after, having husband hold baby, not getting additional meds except for the epidural during the procedure, etc. the surgery itself is pretty safe, really. you just have to figure out the support team and approach that will help the most with bonding AND with your healing!

  6. karaleen #
    June 3, 2013

    I had both my babies c-section (due to that first one being a stubborn breech baby like Chicken). They were placed skin-to-skin with me as soon as we left the operating room. Our hospital believed kangaroo was best asap especially for c-section babies. So they were taken out of my belly and then spent a few minutes getting assesed and wrapped and handed to daddy….but then they came to me . They both were skin to skin and nursed for the first time while in recovery. We had some normal nursing challenges with my first…but still had a very successful run at nursing and with number two it was just great from the start. I am still praying all goes well and Chicken turns….but know that your baby and you will still bond and you can still nurse successfully after a c-section…even if it takes them an hour or so to get baby to you. You will also have a LOT of time just being skin to skin during your hospital stay. That bonding will take place….even amongst the craziness of a newborn, etc. And…if you do go that route…..and you know you react badly to meds….make sure they know this and give you plenty of anit-nausea….be persistent. I was lucky…other than my naturally low blood pressure which made me soooo sleepy during the actual c-section (because the spinal will lower you bp)….I did really well. I will pray you get your natural birth…but if not…I will pray your c-sections were as easy and painfree as mine. I really only needed tylenol or ibuprofin after the initial hospital stay. Good luck…and I love that the orange kitty loves the chicken to much!
    kd

  7. Stacey #
    June 3, 2013

    Cheesy joke alert!
    What did zero say to eight? Nice belt!
    And for your chicken…Why did the chicken cross the road twice? Because he was a dirty, double crosser!
    Sorry I’m a first grade teacher. My jokes are limited.

  8. June 3, 2013

    Belle, I just wanted to come by and say that you are not broken. It’s hard not to feel like that when you’ve dealt with so much, but you are a strong woman who can persevere very tough situations. That being said, I will do my best to think positive thoughts that Chicken will turn.

  9. June 3, 2013

    Fingers still crossed! Love the kitty pic.
    What do you call 6 elephants? 6 pachiderm

  10. June 3, 2013

    I don’t have any thing to say about the c-section, except that I’m sorry you’re worried and scared.

    This video might make you laugh, though, and maybe you feel a little bit like this kitty.. This kitty thinks his owners have tried to kill him by putting him in the thundershirt. Poor kitty! But, it is funny. I almost bought my dog a thundershirt, but when i put a harness on him, he acts as though he can’t turn his head. He’d probably respond just like this kitty in a thundershirt.

    http://www.cnn.com/video/data/2.0/video/living/2013/05/31/orig-jtb-distraction-thundershirt-on-cat.youtube.html

  11. APE #
    June 3, 2013

    I stole this joke but I think it is super funny. You’ll have to read it out loud to get it.

    Knock Knock.
    Who’s there?
    Smell Mop.
    Smell Mop Who?
    Ewe…No thanks.

    • Jamie #
      June 4, 2013

      That’s awesome!!

  12. Amy #
    June 3, 2013

    What do vegetarian zombies eat?

    **

    GGGGRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNSSSS.

    I hope that some of the comments above from mamas who’ve had good experiences with their CSs are helping to calm you a bit, but if the fear rises back up – it’s okay. I’ll be scared with you (all the while believing that you will do just fine, no matter what your birth ends up looking like). It IS scary, so try not to feel badly about having a perfectly normal reaction to this huge unknown. I think it would be strange if you were just all, MEH. I don’t think you should “just get over it,” especially not now. If it doesn’t go according to your wishes, you will find a way to heal from it, but right now isn’t the time to be getting over anything – there are still things you can do, and you’ll do them, and even if they don’t work for whatever reason, you’ll know that you did everything you possibly could have.

    Okay, another (bad) joke:

    Why did Mickey divorce Minnie?

    **

    She was fucking Goofy.

    That one doesn’t work as well in text. Debated for way too long over whether or not to capitalize that G!

    Hugs, Belle – for now this really does suck, but you CAN deal and it is going to be AWESOME, even if that needs an “eventually” qualifier.

  13. June 3, 2013

    Belle, I found MODG and her desire for a VBAC very inspiring. In the end she had to have a C-section but she did everything humanly possible to have a vaginal. The link is for the birth story (part 1 of 3). If you go to her facebook page (Martini’s or diaper genies) you see all the support she had and all the helpful things people posted for her (look back to mid-November), thought it might be helpful in case baby stays breech. Also, she’s hilarious!

    http://www.modgblog.com/2012/11/28/ruby-lees-birth-part-1-obviously-this-birth-is-a-trilogy/

  14. Aubreycc #
    June 3, 2013

    First of all-don’t feel like you have to apologize for being scared/disappointed/frustrated because you are not getting the birth you planned. You have been through so much, you definitely have the right to grieve at the thought that your birth may not go as planned. Second-a few positive c-section stories. I had two c-sections, one with a singleton (after an 12 hour induction- pushed for 2 hours, he crowned then had emergency section) and a planned section with twins. And I was terrified with my first section-I literally wailed down the hall as they wheeled me to surgery. BUT, I heeded the best advice given to me-as soon as they pulled my cathetar, I got out of bed and walked as much as I could. I was off pain meds and walking on my route in a week. By two weeks, I was back to normal. My second, planned section with twins was a very pleasant experience (diff hospital from the first). They immediately put both babies on my chest for like 5 minutes (they were 35 weeks so they had to go to special care nursery for 6 hours). The lady next to me in recovery had her baby at her breast within 30 minutes of her section. And I was fully awake through the whole thing both times. The second was so much better because it was planned and I knew it was coming. The first was an abrupt surprise. And one of my friends with 3 kids exclusively breastfed all three of hers (made it look super easy) after sections. AND her belly is flat and perfect. We won’t speak of mine but let’s just say it’s not the c-sections fault! The biggest thing I will tell you is something you won’t believe until it happens to you—once chicken is here, it will not matter as much as you think. That is impossible to fathom now, and it is NOT insignificant as you reformulate your birth plan. But i promise, it will be true once he or she arrives. It is not a failure on your behalf in any way. It’s just one of those sucky things. Good luck-you’re almost there!

  15. June 3, 2013

    what costs less, cow balls or deer balls? …. deer balls, ’cause they’re under a buck. ba-dum-bump. sorry, hunter’s wife joke.

    and, sorry about the whole breech situation. if it’s any consolation, in the women I cared for in my L&D days, many, MANY were super successful breastfeeders. engorged city by day 3. so here’s hoping for big, milk-filled boobies and a strong-latching baby 🙂

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